Best OM jokes
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Three men were sitting around the country club one day having a drink and their waiter said "I bet I can tell you where each of you went to college".
The bets were made and he said to the first one:
"You went to Harvard."
To the second one:
"You went to Princeton."
He told the the third one:
"You went to Ole Miss."
They of course wanted to know how he did it and he said:
"I can tell a Harvard man by his accent, a Princeton man by his knowledge of arcane subjects, and to be honest I had nothing on the third gentleman till I saw the Ole Miss class ring when he was picking his nose."
The bets were made and he said to the first one:
"You went to Harvard."
To the second one:
"You went to Princeton."
He told the the third one:
"You went to Ole Miss."
They of course wanted to know how he did it and he said:
"I can tell a Harvard man by his accent, a Princeton man by his knowledge of arcane subjects, and to be honest I had nothing on the third gentleman till I saw the Ole Miss class ring when he was picking his nose."
This one actually happened…
Years ago the Lodge sold a shirt that said “What does an ole miss grad say to a Miss. State grad? Would you like fries with that?”
Wore it to play in the church gym one Sunday night. Friend’s dad was an ole miss fan and jokingly says “how are you going to wear a shirt like that to church?”
Me (probably 12 years old) looks down, looks back up, shrugs and replies “Just preaching the gospel Mr. Mark!”
I tell you, the burn of this 40-something year old Dad from a 12 year old was something to behold. I will never top that one.
Years ago the Lodge sold a shirt that said “What does an ole miss grad say to a Miss. State grad? Would you like fries with that?”
Wore it to play in the church gym one Sunday night. Friend’s dad was an ole miss fan and jokingly says “how are you going to wear a shirt like that to church?”
Me (probably 12 years old) looks down, looks back up, shrugs and replies “Just preaching the gospel Mr. Mark!”
I tell you, the burn of this 40-something year old Dad from a 12 year old was something to behold. I will never top that one.
The one I remember my old 4-H agent telling us:
A State grad and an Ole Miss grad ended up getting arrested down in Mexico. They tied them both to a post outside and readied the firing squad.
The police captain asked both men if they had any last requests.
The Ole Miss grad said “I need to chant Hotty Toddy one last time”.
The State grad said “Shoot me first.”
A State grad and an Ole Miss grad ended up getting arrested down in Mexico. They tied them both to a post outside and readied the firing squad.
The police captain asked both men if they had any last requests.
The Ole Miss grad said “I need to chant Hotty Toddy one last time”.
The State grad said “Shoot me first.”
A State fan goes to Oxford for the Egg Bowl. He stops and asks an Ole Miss fan "excuse me, can you tell me where the stadium is at?". The Ole Miss fan responds "here in Oxford we do not end our sentences with a preposition". The State fan then says "ok, can you tell me where the stadium's at *******?".
What do Ole Miss alumni use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What does it mean when the drool comes out of both sides of an OM grad's mouth?
The floor is perfectly level.
Why do OM toga parties have so many togas made of pastel or printed sheets?
It's a mystery. Nobody knows why there is always shortage of white sheets in Oxford, Mississippi.***
How many OM students does it take to change a flat tire?
Two. One to mix drinks and one to call Diddy.
Their personalities.
What does it mean when the drool comes out of both sides of an OM grad's mouth?
The floor is perfectly level.
Why do OM toga parties have so many togas made of pastel or printed sheets?
It's a mystery. Nobody knows why there is always shortage of white sheets in Oxford, Mississippi.***
How many OM students does it take to change a flat tire?
Two. One to mix drinks and one to call Diddy.
A tragic event occurred many years ago when a truck load of Ole Miss students headed over to Sardis Lake to drink and party. After getting hopped up on Zima and pills, they piled into the truck to move to another location at the lake. Unfortunately the vehicle somehow ended up in the lake and they all tragically drowned. The drownings were ruled an accident when the investigation revealed that they all died because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Did you hear that they stopped serving ice water in the ole miss cafeteria?
The student with the recipe graduated.
The student with the recipe graduated.
Once upon a time, an OM fan was sharing a public restroom with a State fan. Both finished around the same time and as they were walking out, the OM fan stopped to wash his hands while the State fan kept walking to the door. The OM fan was appalled and scolded the State fan, saying, "How disgusting! Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at State after using the bathroom?!" The State fan replied, "They taught us not to piss on our hands in the first place."
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What does an Ole Miss Cheerleader say after sex? Thanks guys.
How does an Ole Miss cheerleader turn the lights on after sex? She opens the car door.
Not an Ole Miss joke but ...
BB King's wife went to the tattoo parlor and said "I want a "B" tattooed on each one of my butt cheeks." Although he didn't understand, the tattoo artist did just that.
Two weeks later, B.B. returned from touring. The wife heard his car pull up and ran to the front door to greet him. When he opened the door, she turned around, pulled her pants down, and bent over to show him the tats. B.B. looked at what his wife had done, and seemed confused. So he asked her "Who's Bob?"
How does an Ole Miss cheerleader turn the lights on after sex? She opens the car door.
Not an Ole Miss joke but ...
BB King's wife went to the tattoo parlor and said "I want a "B" tattooed on each one of my butt cheeks." Although he didn't understand, the tattoo artist did just that.
Two weeks later, B.B. returned from touring. The wife heard his car pull up and ran to the front door to greet him. When he opened the door, she turned around, pulled her pants down, and bent over to show him the tats. B.B. looked at what his wife had done, and seemed confused. So he asked her "Who's Bob?"
Two OM grads decide to try fishing. They rent a boat and go out on the lake. Amazingly, they catch a few fish and so the first guy leans over with a marker and puts an X on the side of the boat right where his line is going into the water.
The other guy says, "What in the hell are you doing?"
First guy says, "This seems like the fish are really biting here so I thought I'd mark the spot."
Second guy says, "You're a g-----n idiot. There is no way we're going to get this same boat when we come back."
I heard this lady in Oxford who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
Her daughter didn't look surprised.
OM sorority girl drops her dress off at the cleaners and starts to leave.
The lady at the counter says, "Come again!"
Girl says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Middle-aged, single OM alumna goes on a date with a guy she met online. Trying to make conversation, she asks him, "Do you have any kids?"
"Yes," he says, "I've got one child that's just under two."
She says, "Look, I know I went to OM, but I still know how many one is."
The other guy says, "What in the hell are you doing?"
First guy says, "This seems like the fish are really biting here so I thought I'd mark the spot."
Second guy says, "You're a g-----n idiot. There is no way we're going to get this same boat when we come back."
I heard this lady in Oxford who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
Her daughter didn't look surprised.
OM sorority girl drops her dress off at the cleaners and starts to leave.
The lady at the counter says, "Come again!"
Girl says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Middle-aged, single OM alumna goes on a date with a guy she met online. Trying to make conversation, she asks him, "Do you have any kids?"
"Yes," he says, "I've got one child that's just under two."
She says, "Look, I know I went to OM, but I still know how many one is."
Years ago in a small delta town hospital, 3 babies were born. One MSU, one olemiss, and one Jackson St. It happened so fast that they staff messed up and didn't tag the babies so they couldn't match them with the parent.
So the doctor said the only fair way to resolve it was to draw straws and pick a baby. The MSU Dad drew the longest straw and immediately picked the black baby. His wife, confused, asked "obviously that's not ours. Why did you pick him?" The dad replied "I know but I couldn't take a chance on picking that olemiss sonofabitch"
So the doctor said the only fair way to resolve it was to draw straws and pick a baby. The MSU Dad drew the longest straw and immediately picked the black baby. His wife, confused, asked "obviously that's not ours. Why did you pick him?" The dad replied "I know but I couldn't take a chance on picking that olemiss sonofabitch"
An ole miss sorority girl is visiting a bar in Connecticut. She sees a group of sorority girls and walks up and says “ I’m a sorority girl from Ole Miss- where are you from?”
One replies “Yale”
So she takes a deep breath and loudly asks” I’M A SORORITY GIRL FROM OLE MISS- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”
One replies “Yale”
So she takes a deep breath and loudly asks” I’M A SORORITY GIRL FROM OLE MISS- WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”
2 ole miss grads decided to use their new degrees and take jobs as road maintenance workers for the hwy department.
First day on the job their supervisor decided they could probably handle painting lines on the highway.
They were each given the brushes and paint and dropped off at the start point. After the first day they had impressively painted 5 miles of highway. Day two ended and they had barely done an additional 2.5 miles. After the third day their supervisor came back to find they had not completed 1 single mile. Furious he ask what they had been doing. They looked surprisingly at each other and replied, "we keep getting further and further from the paint bucket."
First day on the job their supervisor decided they could probably handle painting lines on the highway.
They were each given the brushes and paint and dropped off at the start point. After the first day they had impressively painted 5 miles of highway. Day two ended and they had barely done an additional 2.5 miles. After the third day their supervisor came back to find they had not completed 1 single mile. Furious he ask what they had been doing. They looked surprisingly at each other and replied, "we keep getting further and further from the paint bucket."
True story: my parents ( OM ) moved to Oxford my senior year at State, ‘68.
One Sunday in a restaurant my mom introduced me to a friend of her’s from college days. The lady says “Why did you let him go to State?” Even I was shocked when mom said “We wanted him to get an education.”
Yea Mom.
One Sunday in a restaurant my mom introduced me to a friend of her’s from college days. The lady says “Why did you let him go to State?” Even I was shocked when mom said “We wanted him to get an education.”
Yea Mom.
An Ole Miss fraternity pledge is sitting at a bar and the bartender asks him how his day is going. The pledge says "I had my first blowjob today." The bartender said "Congratulations, here's a beer on the house." The Ole Miss pledge said, "thanks, that'll help get the taste of my mouth."
There was an engineering convention at state. Some of the MSU engineers are visiting walking around and come upon the ole miss engineers booth. The black bear engineers claim to have developed a passenger shuttle that can go to the sun. The state engineers laugh and let them know that there is no material known to man that can withstand the heat of the surface of the sun. The ole miss engineers huddle up to discus then one of them very smugly inform the state engineers: “well, we plan on going at night.”
I'll admit it, though, one of my favorite jokes makes fun of State and you can't flip it around to Ole Miss and have it make sense.
Here's my favorite joke about State. Most of you have probably heard it, but it's always good for a laugh.
A couple of friends from high school graduate, with one going to State and the other to Ole Miss. The following summer, the two friends catch up with each other and talk about their college experiences. The Ole Miss student clearly has something on his mind and finally asks his State friend, "I hear that sometimes y'all go out to the experimental farms y'all have there and have sex with all the animals like the cows, pigs, chickens, and goats. Is there any truth to that?" The State student looks quite puzzled by this question and after a few too many awkward seconds replies "Chickens?"
A couple of friends from high school graduate, with one going to State and the other to Ole Miss. The following summer, the two friends catch up with each other and talk about their college experiences. The Ole Miss student clearly has something on his mind and finally asks his State friend, "I hear that sometimes y'all go out to the experimental farms y'all have there and have sex with all the animals like the cows, pigs, chickens, and goats. Is there any truth to that?" The State student looks quite puzzled by this question and after a few too many awkward seconds replies "Chickens?"
A sex shop owner has to attend a funeral and asks a buddy to man his store. Shortly after the store opens a woman walks in dressed to the 9’s. She asked to see the ***** selection so the temp employee pulled out a small white one. The woman looked disgusted and said “heavens no! That one reminds me of my husband, Bradley Niles, take it away!” Then the temp employee pulls out a medium sized tan ***** to which she says “no that one reminds me of my pool boy from my teenage years”. So the temp pulls out a large black one and she gasps and says “no, that one reminds me of one of Diddy’s employees. How about that big red and blue plaid one!?!? It reminds me of my alma matter Ole Miss and I must have it!!” The temp employee tells her it’s not for sale but she insists and offers him $500 to which the employee agrees and sends the woman on her way.
The store owner comes in from the funeral and asks how the day went. The temp employee says “well I suck at selling dildos but I got 500 bucks for my thermos!”
The store owner comes in from the funeral and asks how the day went. The temp employee says “well I suck at selling dildos but I got 500 bucks for my thermos!”
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