OT Chuck Norris at Huntington WV Comic Con Saturday!!!
- Thread starter s1uggo72
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Carey Elwes, Kevin Conroy (THE voice of Batman!), and David Koechner too. Not to mention the f'n Rock N' Roll Express! Nice.
When Chuck Norris goes for a swim, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
A lot of new ones in there. Probably some repeats here, but this is one I got in 2005....
WHY CHUCK NORRIS IS THE MAN...
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every Second Wednesday of
the month
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
Bang!
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor
wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way
Chuck Norris invented the handgun because swords couldn't pierce his skin
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass... at night.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's s**t.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If youre still alive,
its because Chuck Norris loves you.
Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris has the best poker face in the history, he won the 1983 world
series of poker holding a joker, the 3 of diamonds, a "get out of jail free"
card from monopoly, a red 7 from UNO, and a domino.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the
living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.
Chuck Norris shaves his beard in a stump grinder
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that
can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours.If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity" then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying,
"booya."
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris/more
than meets the eye, Chuck Norris/robot in disguise," and starred Chuck
Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing
Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for
a single show, however, so it was divided.
-One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in
the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten
When Chuck Norriss wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Dont
orry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes
later with a
live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it
was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how
he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never
question Chuck Norris.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, Two seconds till.
After you ask, Two seconds to what? he roundhouse kicks you in the face
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate
12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck
Norris
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f*** down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to
kill you, including the room itself
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing
the Earth down.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open
you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesnt get wet. The water
gets Chuck Norris instead.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more humane.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only
a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
The quickest way to a mans heart is with Chuck Norriss fist
Fine wines age like Chuck Norris.
Rick, you’d be 10 years older, too. Chuck will see us all dead and buried.
So, DC has their 'AwesomeCon 2022' in June and these are their headliners:
Charisma Carpenter
Mellisa Joan Hart
Giancarlo Esposito
Wil Wheaton
Simu Liu
Sean Astin
Noah Schnapp
Haley Atwell
The gorgeous Diane Guerrero was supposed to appear but cancelled.
Charisma Carpenter
Mellisa Joan Hart
Giancarlo Esposito
Wil Wheaton
Simu Liu
Sean Astin
Noah Schnapp
Haley Atwell
The gorgeous Diane Guerrero was supposed to appear but cancelled.
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