OT- fathers that have coached their kids

[tacodawg]

I’ve coached my son in 4 yo tee ball, 4/5 yo tee ball, 5 yo tee ball, 5 yo fall ball and recently 6 yo tee ball as head coach every year. He has been real good but has nervous tendencies and emotional breakdowns from time to time.

He made All Stars for 6 and I decided to step back from coaching at all and he is absolutely flourishing. Making plays he’s never made before.

Is it a dad thing? Was being the head coach stressful on him and keeping his progress down from trying to appease me?

Just curious. I’ll never coach him again if that’s the case.

 

[jethreauxdawg]

When you yell at him on the field

Do you use the actual F word or are you using the numeral seventeen? He may just struggle with math.

Don’t sweat his performance in tee ball. He’ll be fine and he’ll always remember you coaching him. That’s a great thing to do.

 

[SteelCurtain74]

I stepped away from coaching my son a couple of years ago and it was the best decision for both of us.

It was stressful for him trying to meet what he thought was my expectations. It was stressful for me because I wanted to make sure I wasn't accused of playing daddy ball so he was the one that ended up suffering.

My suggestion is if you enjoy coaching, try being an assistant coach so someone else is making the decisions or see if you can just assist at practices. I'll throw BP sometimes if an assistant or his current coach is out.

 

[tacodawg]

When he eats **** I tell him to rub some Dales on it

 

[tacodawg]

He even gets stressed out in the yard. I am guilty of being hard on him not meeting my expectations when it comes to catching or fielding a ball cleanly. I always preach just have fun but am a hypocrite when it comes to yard ball with him and him not doing what I expect. Might be too hard on a six year old tee ball player.

That being said, he’s doing things with these new coaches that he won’t do with me. So I feel it’s a me thing, I gotta step away and let him do his thing.

 

[kired]

My son won't take advice / coaching from me. He knows everything, and I don't have a clue. And I'm the same damn way. As a grown man, I still get slightly annoyed when my 70 y/o dad tries to tell me how to do something. I don't need his help - I can figure it out myself.

lol, I can't explain where that feeling comes from but my son is just like me. So I don't coach him. I'll be an assistant on his team and coach the other players, but pretty much ignore him other than encouraging him. He'll listen to other coaches. We did the father / son baseball camp last fall, and he still remembers specific advice Lemonis gave him during hitting drills. But it infuriates him if I try coaching him.

 

[mstateglfr]

I have coached my oldest in volleyball for a couple 'development' leagues, a season of AAU club HS volleyball, and will coach her next season in HS.

It's been really great for our relationship.
I am harder on her than others and she dislikes that, but accepts it at this point.
It's been really good for her development because she is more of a contributor vs lead player and I make sure she gets the time needed to improve. She really dislikes that I won't stop a drill and talk thru something 1on1, it's been a few years of her continually trying and me shutting it down right away since all the girls deserve time to improve.

Funny enough, she takes occasional lessons from a young woman who played vball in college and recently graduated. Working on some specific movements and skills is something she and I should not work on together. I am very much aware of that. The communication would break down quickly so that stuff is outsourced.

 

[tacodawg]

Some weird downvotes

 

[jethreauxdawg]

Probably from the dad of the kid Taco Jr took a roster spot from

 

[tacodawg]

I don’t care either way. It’s a thread about kids playing baseball.

Whoever ya are tho, I could still 17 ya wife.

 

[Cooterpoot]

Tell him to stop being crazy like his mom?
Seriously, if he's thriving under other coaches leave him alone and support him.

 

[tacodawg]

Where has there been any indication that him or his mom are crazy?

 

[muddawgs]

The best advice I can give you

I’ve coached my son in 4 yo tee ball, 4/5 yo tee ball, 5 yo tee ball, 5 yo fall ball and recently 6 yo tee ball as head coach every year. He has been real good but has nervous tendencies and emotional breakdowns from time to time.

He made All Stars for 6 and I decided to step back from coaching at all and he is absolutely flourishing. Making plays he’s never made before.

Is it a dad thing? Was being the head coach stressful on him and keeping his progress down from trying to appease me?

Just curious. I’ll never coach him again if that’s the case.

is when I coached my son, I let my assistant coaches correct him and I corrected their kids. It was a good system. It kept us from taking our frustrations out on our kids and let them get coached instead of scolded.

 

[GloryDawg]

They stop letting me coach every sport. My team never lose. They said it wasn't fair to the other kids.********

 

[notoriousD_O_G]

My 2 kids have cousins about their age. If we take them all out to hit, play soccer, go fishing, or anything else it seems like the cousins learn from and listen to me and my kids always listen to and learn from their uncle.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

When I coached I had an agreement with the other coaches from the start of each season that I expected them to coach my son but I would not. I coached all the other players and never gave instruction to my son except to pass a sign. The other players recognized this quickly and it helped me gain their confidence and trust fast. I had a great time coaching baseball and Pop Warner football with my boys.

Before I remarried but still in my 20's I coached girls slow pitch softball and assisted with jr high boys football. In girls softball I was given the girls that travel and women's league teams did not want and it was usually a large number of young ladies. We played teams from other cities and rarely won early on. There actually was a good reason and the girls were on board.

Earlier on I got wrapped up in winning or losing during my city league days and it drove me crazy. Then I realized it was not about me it was about the girls learning and having fun. I let them know up front that it was about them working on whatever aspect of the game they thought or I thought they needed to and not about winning or losing. I also told them after the scheduled practices either my assistants or myself would stay and work on anything they wanted as long as their parents who were waiting would stay. My assistants were former baseball players I talked into helping. By the end of the summer everyone was happy and the "scrubs" I coached now were the backbone of the local high school teams. A few made partial or full scholarships at JC or small colleges but they all learned the basics they were missing.
'
After over 20 years and my youngest's Pop Warner season the wife said that was enough so I hung up my whistle but man, I have a ton of great memories. You guys should enjoy every minute because those kids will be adults on day shaking your hand or hugging your neck.

 

[Cooterpoot]

Where has there been any indication that him or his mom are crazy?

It was a joke. You're the one always talking about these crazy women you fool with.
How about you try to communicate with him to get the answers you're looking for. We dads don't always communicate the best and this is your chance to do it and let him tell you what you want to know to ease his anxiety of playing/practicing with you. Make it easy for him. And I'm telling you that as someone that was too hard on his kids and almost took too long to do that. I was so hard on them that I chose to stop coaching them completely. I found people that were better for them to play for. Then I just helped them work on what they needed help with at home. Ball should be about fun first, success after that. They're kids before they're ball players. Don't make it about what you want, but what he wants

 

[Bulldog Bruce]

I coached my girls in softball. You have to detach yourself from your kid during and right after the game. Make most of your coaching to the team as a whole. Once you get in the car you do NOT bring up anything about the game. If they ask you something, you answer as you would any other player. Until your kid is 14 or 15 none of the games matter. It's about advancing their knowledge of the support and truthfully you can often learn more when you lose. It helps you to have that attitude that winning is not the goal yet. I had parents request not to be on my team for the following year because I would talk loud to their kids. That would happen when we had gone over fundamentals and they had been improving and suddenly they would revert or do something totally wrong that they had been doing right. I would tell the team after the game where we made mistakes. I guess some of their parents never told their kids they made a mistake before.

With all that said I wish no one coached kids 4 to 6. It should all just be a play date. Take the kids to the park. Let them choose up sides and play any way they want to. Self hit or t-ball or throw to each other. Let them figure it out on their own. At 7 to 9 have camps. Teach fundamentals in the morning. Have lunch break and then scrimmage game with different lineups in the afternoon. Don't introduce teams until 10.

 

[Bagman.sixpack]

Best post right there Bruce. 100% agree. I’ve seen them do just that with soccer. Fundamentals then split up and do a few pickup games.

No one will remember their 8-12u bs trophy

 

[Smoked Toag]

Just judging from your post, I would guess you are hard on him, and probably critiquing every mistake he makes, as if he's supposed to be perfect. I see that all the time, and pretty easy to diagnose. Depends on what type of kid he is, as to whether he responds or not.

You can't yell at him, unless there's an effort issue. You can't focus on the outcome at this point. And honestly, at 6U, effort doesn't really matter. I personally don't think they should start baseball until 7U, just because of the total lack of attention the kids can give it. Maybe 10% can do it.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

Best post right there Bruce. 100% agree. I’ve seen them do just that with soccer. Fundamentals then split up and do a few pickup games.

No one will remember their 8-12u bs trophy

I was lucky and didn't have to coach any of my kids that young but I agree with Bruce as well. I really enjoyed it all when they started playing at school and I didn't have to coach them during games any more It also took the pressure off practicing at the house where I just became a 6'3" dummy for my daughter to post up on and shoot over or pitching batting practice for the boys.

 

[horshack.sixpack]

Good move. It takes a lot of intentionality to keep your long term father/son goals front of mind while coaching. Kids also tend to listen to other people more because it’s not just dad telling yet again something they should be doing.

 

[goodknight]

Not a shrink and didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express but but it appears he’s having fun and not worried about what dads going to say in the dugout or that you coach him differently than the other kids.

 

[Bagman.sixpack]

I was lucky and didn't have to coach any of my kids that young but I agree with Bruce as well. I really enjoyed it all when they started playing at school and I didn't have to coach them during games any more It also took the pressure off practicing at the house where I just became a 6'3" dummy for my daughter to post up on and shoot over or pitching batting practice for the boys.

They like to start trying to abuse us when they get skill and size.

 

[hatfieldms]

My oldest could not be coached by me. He could not separate dad from coach. My youngest completely can and accepts whatever I am saying on the field as coming from the coach. Just depends on the kid.

For my oldest it got to a point I just let the assistant coaches deal with him and that seemed to work out well

 

[dog12]

Is it a dad thing? Was being the head coach stressful on him and keeping his progress down from trying to appease me?

Just curious. I’ll never coach him again if that’s the case.

Kinda sounds like it is.

Your son is only 6 years old, so he focus right now should be on having fun and high-level ideals, like always give your very best effort (in every sport, this is the only thing over which you have 100% control), be a great teammate (congratulate, encourage and motivate your teammates at appropriate times; never, under any circumstances, do you criticize a teammate), never give up no matter what the score is (don't let your teammates give up either), realize that everyone makes mistakes sometimes (we are all human beings and we all make mistakes sometimes, even professional ball players), etc.

Sports mirrors life in many ways. The things your son learns by playing sports will benefit him greatly for the rest of his life.

As fathers, our #1 priority is to make sure that our children know that we love them and care deeply for them by spending time with them and supporting them fully.

 

[olblue.sixpack]

Kinda sounds like it is.

Your son is only 6 years old, so he focus right now should be on having fun and high-level ideals, like always give your very best effort (in every sport, this is the only thing over which you have 100% control), be a great teammate (congratulate, encourage and motivate your teammates at appropriate times; never, under any circumstances, do you criticize a teammate), never give up no matter what the score is (don't let your teammates give up either), realize that everyone makes mistakes sometimes (we are all human beings and we all make mistakes sometimes, even professional ball players), etc.

Sports mirrors life in many ways. The things your son learns by playing sports will benefit him greatly for the rest of his life.

As fathers, our #1 priority is to make sure that our children know that we love them and care deeply for them by spending time with them and supporting them fully.

If you don’t read another post in this thread, read this one. From this man. And take heed.

 

[Hugh's Burner Phone]

My son won't take advice / coaching from me. He knows everything, and I don't have a clue. And I'm the same damn way. As a grown man, I still get slightly annoyed when my 70 y/o dad tries to tell me how to do something. I don't need his help - I can figure it out myself.

lol, I can't explain where that feeling comes from but my son is just like me. So I don't coach him. I'll be an assistant on his team and coach the other players, but pretty much ignore him other than encouraging him. He'll listen to other coaches. We did the father / son baseball camp last fall, and he still remembers specific advice Lemonis gave him during hitting drills. But it infuriates him if I try coaching him.

Don't get too annoyed. There will come a day when you'd give anything to be annoyed by your dad giving advice just one more time.