Stalling....help me out
So as a very casual wrestling fan, I certainly don't get the nuances of the rules like I would football or basketball (though I have no clue what traveling is these days).
I can try to help. I'm a ref, a wrestling fan, and a PSU fan, so that you know the angles I'm approaching this from.
First off, stalling is the most subjective call in wrestling, at least in most regards. In an effort to "improve" the sport/rules, college rules were changed @ 5 years ago so that certain actions (hanging onto the legs more than 5 seconds, going out of bounds to avoid a TD, etc.) are mandatory stall calls. But even in those, particularly the 2nd example given, there is some subjectivity.
Then there is stalling or lack of action, which can be called when a wrestler is on their feet, is on bottom, or is on top. It's most often called when on the feet, if one wrestler is making no action to attempt a TD (take down). When a wrestler is on bottom, it's usually called if a wrestler is flattened out, and is making no effort to work up to their knees/base. When a wrestler is on top, it's not called too often, but it can be called if a wrestler is not doing anything to try to turn the bottom wrestler. (One of the previous paragraph mandatory stall calls is also if a wrestler is on top, and the bottom wrestler is on bottom and gets to their feet, and the top wrestler makes no effort within 5 seconds to return the bottom wrestler to the mat.)
When the wrestlers are on their feet, which is what gets most of the complaints from fans, there are a few things a ref looks at. First, if one wrestler takes 3 shots, and the opponent takes none, then in the back of your mind you start watching the wrestler that is not shooting to see if they continue that action. Alas, that's not a hard and fast rule; just a guideline. And there are a lot of matches where neither wrestler takes 3 shots, so you have to keep that guideline in context. It's more along the lines of wrestler A takes 3 shots in 45 seconds and wrestler B does nothing. Then, after wrestler A takes a 4th and a 5th shot within a short timeframe after those initial 3, the ref should start seriously thinking about a stall call on wrestler B.
But even there things are somewhat nuanced. It helps to read the wrestlers. RBY, who you mentioned, can take down almost any wrestler at his weight. That said, he's more of a counter wrestler, meaning that the majority of his shots are actions/reactions to the shots taken by his opponent. So if his opponent only takes one or two shots, then he doesn't have many opportunities for counters.
That's a partial overview (as refs, we talk about about stalling all the time at meetings), as well as one specific on RBY.
Now let's turn to Iowa fans. I don't like to make generalities about a group of people. I'm sure there are A LOT of exceptions to this characterization, but if I were to generalize, there is a loud group of Iowa fans, both at Carver-Hawkeye arena and on message boards, that act as if the only reason PSU has success is because they stall, that the only reason Iowa doesn't win every year is because the other wrestlers stall, that their guys never stall, etc. It's a lot of nonsense.
If you watched the Dean - Warner final, which was the only final where Iowa had a wrestler, Warner was making almost no effort throughout the match to shoot. I'm going from memory, so I may have the numbers wrong, but I think Warner only shot 2 times in the entire match, and the second one was a poor shot that Dean countered and got a TD on.
Turning to RBY - DeSanto, those matches are always a battle. I believe RBY has beaten DeSanto 5 straight matches, but they have been some real wars. DeSanto likes to control the arm, which frustrates RBY. It lead to RBY positioning his left hand behind his back last year. And those guys are constantly changing their tactics. In this year's dual, RBY did not keep the arm behind his back and DeSanto shot quite a few times, for which RBY had to come up with some amazing defense to avoid giving up a takedown. At NCAAs this past weekend, in the semifinal, DeSanto worked a lot on arm control, and also a lot on head control. However, for whatever reason, he didn't shoot all that much -- not nearly as frequently as he had in the PSU - Iowa dual.
DeSanto is quite talented; one of the better Iowa wrestlers of recent years that never won a NCAA title. RBY is every bit as talented, and one way or another over the past few years has prevailed over DeSanto in every matchup. But both acknowledge how good the other guy is. RBY credited DeSanto for forcing him to raise his game. It's somewhat easier, I think, to appreciate both wrestlers when the one you root for has been on the winning side the last five matches. With that caveat, I wish Iowa fans would just appreciate that they've seen some great wrestling in the RBY - DeSanto matches, and not make mistaken claims against RBY.
I hope that helps.