2014: Were The Seers Correct?

Just as every year begins with confident prognostication, so it ends with surprises, disappointments, and the easily foreseen. 2014 was no different. However, some of the ancient Greek soothsayers used their gifts to predict major happenings last year, and now is the time to see how accurate were their visions. “With threes by two and seas of blue, all shall fall but one.” This must refer to UK’s 2014 NCAA tournament run. Big Blue Nation rallies behind the Cats as #2 Aaron Harrison’s clutch three-pointers get UK to the championship game. So close… “But though the ninth was left behind, new blood will draw blue blood.” Even though we failed to win banner #9, Towns, Booker, Ulis, and Lyles have helped the 2014-15 Cats manhandle bluebloods Kansas, UNC, UCLA, and Louisville. “The world will stall for net and ball, and home will weep the hardest.” While our world stops for the NCAA tourney, I wouldn’t say the world does. The FIFA World Cup is a different story. Every four years, most of the rest of the world works just enough to avoid collapse while watching teams from 32 countries battle it out. The 2014 FIFA World Cup was one of the most exciting in a long time. I watched in disbelief as host country Brazil got demolished by Germany 1-7. For those of you non-soccer fans, that’s like the UK-Kansas game if UK had won by 75 instead of 32. “Songs of ice will tame the fire.” In any other year, this would be about A Song of Ice and Fire, the series that gave birth to HBO’s super-popular A Game Of Thrones, especially since shizz is about to go down north of The Wall. However, a little movie called Frozen grossed $1.275 billion worldwide (beating The Hunger Games: Catching Fire by $400 million) and introduced the song “Let It Go” to living rooms and minivans across the world. Perhaps coincidentally, 2014 was the best year ever for headphone and Xanax sales among parents of young children. Seriously, this song and movie were freaking everywhere. Of the 75 or so trick-or-treaters we had this Halloween, I tallied 10 Elsas before I got drunkish and stopped counting. “Ye of Canne will land on a heavenly body where no sun shines, and shall scarce be heard from again.” Super cool that European probe Philae (a “canne”? From Cannes?) landed on a freaking comet! Although we haven’t heard much from Kanye after he and Kim Kardashian married. “The Box will be opened, contagion will cross the ocean.” Ebola spreading almost everywhere (from Pandora’s Box)? Or maybe the celebrity nude photo hack? Really, what better way to riddle your computer with viruses than to click image results for “Jennifer Lawrence n*ked”? (If you’re reading this, J-Law, we didn’t.) “The sad rejoice, and the joyous are saddened.” Lots of people found Pharell’s “Happy” an uplifting song. Good for them. I hate it. It makes me sad, and I am normally a very happy person. Also, Robin Williams committed suicide, Philip Seymour Hoffman overdosed, and Joan Rivers died from medical complications. “Kings will become jesters, and jesters kings.” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un really screwed the pooch in 2014, becoming the butt of well-deserved jokes and, in Kim’s case, an entire movie. Oh, and Bieber’s year was pretty much poo. On the other hand, parodist extraordinaire Weird Al Yankovic had the #1 album on the Billboard 200 for the first time in his career, while Stephen Colbert ended his highly-regarded Colbert Show to take over arguably the most coveted spot in comedy: Late Night, formerly helmed by David Letterman. “Those who alight will disappear in flight.” It was a bad year for airline headlines: Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 vanished in March and still hasn’t been found, Malaysia Airlines flight 17 was shot down over Ukraine, and Asia Air flight QZ 8501 was lost in late December with the wreckage found a few days later. Or maybe this prophecy is about the first year of legal recreational pot use in Colorado and Washington. There will be a lot of people lighting up and, like, becoming one with everything. The self is just an illusion, man. “The man of sport in capital court will be judged for running and gunning.” South African runner Oscar Pistorius was convicted of culpable homicide in the shooting death of Reeva Steenkamp. Or is it John Wall of the NBA’s Washington Wizards leading his team to a likely playoff spot? Pretty spot-on, those prophecies. What will 2015 bring? That is fodder for another post, my friends. Let’s hope that 2015 brings wonderful diversions, excellent food and drink and friends, fame and fortune for all associated with Funkhouser and KSR, and most importantly, #9.