A Real-Life FAQ: Lipscomb University

Hello, friends. I haven’t talked to you in a while. I’ve been on safari. I hope you’re well and ready for the holidays. No doubt you’ve been out shopping for loved ones. In case you were wondering, I wear a size large in crew-neck sweater and love anything from J.C. Penny’s “St. John’s Bay” collection. Friends, we have a rarity on the site today. Not to give you too much of a peek behind the scenes of the KSR machine, but you may be very surprised to know that the many FAQs I’ve written on this site over the years were entirely written by me. I’m sorry if your mind is blown by that realization. It must be like learning things you see in action movies are just special effects. But today, oh, today, we have a special treat. For our game Saturday against Lipscomb, we have a real, live Lipscomb graduate in the house. And he’s KSR’s own Aaron Flener. In essence, the "Know Your Enemy" writer is this week's enemy. So I sat down with Aaron earlier this week to pick his brain on all things Bison to see if he could shed some light on these mysterious oncomers. The result is the following FAQ: Lipscomb University. Please enjoy, have a good weekend, and I’ll check in with you again next week. ------------------ Hi Aaron. Thanks for chatting with me today. What is Lipscomb University? Is this really a real place? Hello, Tom Lin. The pleasure is mine. First off, great questions. Here's my answer to the second part. Lipscomb University IS really a real place.  Lipscomb University a private liberal arts institution nestled in the heart of Green Hills just south of downtown Nashville. You may have been confused due to a few name changes Lipscomb has undertaken in it's history. It has also been known as Nashville Bible College, David Lipscomb College, and David Lipscomb University. In 2005, the David was dropped and it is now simply Lipscomb University. Does that answer your question? What? Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. But yeah, It sounds like this school has a lot of names. That has to make for an expensive letterhead/brochure budget. Lipscomb is also a pretty silly name. With all those names, I'm surprised they couldn't think of anything better than "Lipscomb." I'm assuming this is some sort of moustache grooming school? I see what you did there. Lipscomb is actually one of the most prestigious universities on it's street. I know you're asking the questions, but do mustache grooming schools exist? Are there different majors? Can I major in "The Tom Selleck" or "The Rollie Fingers?" Asking for a friend. I know. It's like, where did you live? Nosebrush Hall? Seriously, though. What are the dorms and student life like at Lipscomb?  As far as dorms go at Lipscomb, there definitely are some. I lived in a dorm called "High Rise." Dorms were divided by sex. Not whether you wanted to have it or not, but whether you were male or female. Lipscomb is affiliated with the Church of Christ and there are some regulations there that other universities don't have. It's one of the more liberal Church of Christ schools, but that's like being the hottest girl in the press box. Don't take these comments as me not enjoying my time there. I enjoyed all five undergraduate years. There are fraternity type organizations, referred to as "social clubs", on campus. We did cool things like hayrides, semi-formals, and luaus. Do those things interest you? "High Rise" is a very creative name for a building. And there were hayrides and semi-formal luaus? Of course that interests me -- there's nothing more disappointing than a get-together with no theme. What did you study at Lipscomb, and were there any other unique majors offered? It took me five years to graduate. I didn't study much of anything. My degree was definitely unique. I'm the only person who had "Aaron Flener" written on their diploma. My field of study was business management. Have you heard of it? It's rare. I learned the basics of managing a business. Lipscomb offers majors in accounting, preaching, nursing, and education. Those are practically unheard of, right? I thought you were kidding about "preaching" as a major until I looked it up. I always thought that was just a colloquial term, like "hollerin'." So what should we know about Lipscomb's athletic program, and it's many traditions? Lipscomb recently settled on calling themselves the "Bisons" instead of "Bison." Lipscomb University is a lot like Sean Combs in that they can't decide what to call themselves.  Unlike Sean Combs, Lipscomb does not have it's own vodka. A tradition that was started during my time is called "Running of the Bison." I guess it would technically be "Running of the BisonS" now. I digress. The night before the Belmont game, students dress up in silly costumes and run through nearby neighborhoods yelling, screaming, and chanting. It is universally hated by the neighbors. One year I had a friend fall and get hurt. We had to leave him behind. Man, I miss that guy. But the plural of bison is "bison." It’s in the dictionary. Is this flagrant disregard for the english language just a desperate bid to fit in with the rest of Tennessee? You're better than that, Lipscomb. I don't know what to tell you. It wasn't my idea. Everyone has been wishy washy in decision making since we lost  our leader David Lipscomb in 1917. He had all the answers, it seemed. Aside from yourself, are there any famous alumni from Lipscomb we should know? Absolutely. Thanks for asking. I'm sure you are familiar with the cartoon series Doug. Jim Jinkins, the show's creator, went to Lipscomb. For our country music fans (of which I hear you are the biggest), two well known country artists graduated from Lipscomb. Diamond Rio lead singer Marty Roe attended Lipscomb. The song "Meet in the Middle" is about how he and his girlfriend used to sneak out of their dorms at night and "meet in the middle" of campus, probably. A golf teammate of mine at Lipscomb, Dustin Lynch, has recently exploded onto the country music scene. He has a song called "She Cranks My Tractor." Seems like the kind of song you'd really enjoy. I don't know what a Diamond Rio is. But I'm sure "tractor cranking" is a very popular "social group" at Lipscomb.  Less popular than you would think. Except for the hayrides, of course. I appreciate your time today, Aaron, and for helping to shed some light on Lipscomb for us. I won't keep you any longer, as I'm sure you have to go put on a tie for tonight's luau. I wish Lipscomb best of luck on Saturday, but I'm pretty sure you know they're going to get beat, right? Tomlin, ties aren't worn to a luau. I'd hate for you to go to a luau in a tie. That'd be humiliating. This has been a pleasure and may the team that scores the most points on Saturday be declared the victor. Yes, that will be us. Thanks again, and I think we all look forward to Sunday, when — no offense — we can all go back to not caring about Lipscomb. Tell Skeeter I said hi.