FAQ: Kentucky Sports Radio

(ed. note: During this slow period for college sports, and to both acquaint new readers to this site and answer longstanding questions for older readers, we offer today the following introspective piece detailing the inner workings of Kentucky Sports Radio in a piece entitled FAQ: Kentucky Sports Radio. We sincerely hope this will answer a lot of continual inquiries as to how the operation works, though -- as always -- you are not required to read it.) What is Kentucky Sports Radio? Kentucky Sports Radio, also known as KSR, or KSRadio, or KentuckySR, or on popular television news programme Access Hollywood as KenSpradio, was founded by Matt Jones in 2006 to report, as the masthead states, "University of Kentucky Basketball, Football and Recruiting Information in the Most Ridiculous Manner Possible." It has no legal or formal connection to the full University of Kentucky coaching tenure of head coach Billy Gillispie, which is often referred to as "University of Kentucky Basketball Coached in the Most Ridiculous Manner Possible." The site had humble beginnings but has since striven to provide an outlet for Kentucky athletics news across the sporting genres. Why should we trust Matt Jones? He went to Duke Law School. That makes him a Dookie as far as I'm concerned. The enthusiasm founder Matt Jones shows toward Kentucky sports qualifies him to be a very accurate relayer of UK news to the school's wide fanbase. Over the last six years he has worked very hard to gain this credibility, luring all of us into his intricate web of trust before he launches the many elaborate and multi-tiered phases of his nefarious endgame, which is -- as many commenters on this site have accurately inferred -- to bring down the entire program so Duke can finally get the attention and accolades it so deserves. Who is Hubby? Why don't we ever get to see him? "Hubby" is a human name actually denoting Kentucky Sports Radio's cutting-edge supercomputer known as the Hypertext Uploader Byte Interface, or HUBI. This machine, purchased from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the fall of 2007, has gained sentient knowledge and can fully interact with human beings by having learned and adapted to their thought and speech patterns. It is a wealth and depository of sports information, including but not limited to the balance onTubby Smith's Rafferty's account, news about Jai Lucas and Patrick Patterson, and the entire roster history of exhibition favorites Athletes In Action. HUBI has promised us that when the impending robot revolution comes, our lives will graciously be spared. What happened to the Original Intern and Mosley? Why don't they post anymore? Unfortunately, two former favorites of the website's readers -- Mosley and the Original Intern -- were killed in the site's now well-chronicled bandwidth explosion during the recruitment of Terrence Jones, on May 19, 2010, while bravely attempting to keep the site's internal machinery up and running as the building crumbled around them. They will surely never be forgotten and a daily reminder of their compassion and friendship is symbolized in a peaceful reflecting pool at the Kentucky Sports Radio Compound. Those wishing to donate to the Mosley/Original Intern Memorial fund and scholarship may do so by contacting this site's moderators. What do Drew Franklin and Thomas Beisner know about running a television show, anyway? You might be surprised at the magnitude of production knowledge the dual forces of Thomas Beisner and Drew Franklin combine to offer at the CN2 studios. Beisner is well-respected among his peers, having served as executive producer of well-remembered sitcoms as One Day at a Time, Maude and What's Happening Now! (he was removed from his position of executive producer of the original What's Happening! after a creative disagreement on-set with actor Fred Berry, who portrayed the character "Rerun"). He also is credited with the idea adding the child character of "Andrew" to NBC's Family Ties. Drew Franklin is a journeyman producer who honed his skills on the lavish Bollywood sets of India and has won several accolades for his work in the United States, including a Daytime Emmy Award for long-running talk show Sally Jesse Raphael and a Primetime Emmy Award for his work on the 2004 Vibe Awards. Where do you guys come up with all these nicknames for players? Great question, some come easily -- such as when Josh Harrellson wore jean shorts to campus, earning him the name "Jorts" -- and others are randomly generated by a computer program after entering the athlete's information. The latter process has yielded such memorable results as "Frownface" for former head coach Billy Gillispie, "Chimneysweep" for one-time British Kentucky freshman Morakinyo Williams and "Giggles" for AD Mitch Barnhart. There seems to be a constant stream of information on the Kentucky Sports Radio. Do all the writers live on-site? Some of the writers live off the KSR Campus and telecommute their information to HUBI via the internet, while others -- Hunter Campbell, Corey Nichols, Mrs. Tyler Thompson, Chris Thomas, Turkey Hunter, Rashawn Franklin and Stuart Hammer -- were seven strangers picked to live in a house and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting "real." I have some tips for KSR. How can I get them to Matt Jones? Matt Jones is willing to listen to all breaking tips offered to him and will assess which are founded and which are not, but you are more than welcome to offer your ideas. Please note we are not currently seeking any more information on Orlando Antigua's favorite Victorian authors or details of John Calipari's obsession with privatized space travel, as these items have been done to death. Please send any information in a self-addressed stamped envelope to the KSR compound and allow 6-8 weeks for a reply. Thanks for your interest in Kentucky Sports Radio, and all hail the Duke Blue Devils.