Nerd fight??? What nerd fight???

Is this really the kind of guy that you want to F with? Roughly 48 hours ago, this site was taken for a ride so powerful and hilarious that it might never be topped.  I'm sure everyone already knows what I'm talking about, but just in case you decided that you were only going to be glued to the Olympics when Michael Phelps wasn't competing, I'll give you a quick refresher.  A nerd fight of epic proportions occurred on a post that will remain nameless (because we don't want a sequel) and I am willing to say that it might have been the most massive nerd fight in the history of the internet.  Seriously.  You know I'm not into exaggeration.  It's just not me.  This nerd fight was this freaking huge. But, that's how nerd fights go.  They sneak up on you.  You might think you're just trying to ease into your day at work and catch up on a little Kentucky sports news presented in the most ridiculous manner possible and, the next thing you know, you're damn near a heart attack and ready to knock the living s**t out of the next person who questions your judgment.  Nerd fights are powerful, man.  I don't blame you for being sucked into them.  Back when I was just a dude with a screen name and without a lucrative KSR contract on the line, you might have seen "Beezner" get into a nerd fight or two before I even realized what happened.  It's not something I'm proud of.  But, since life is all about learning from the past and growing as an individual, let me tell you how you can identify that you've found yourself right square in the middle of an old fashioned nerd fight.  There are a couple sure signs: 1.  You bring your salary into play - What's the best way to prove that you know that Tubby's recruiting sucked?  Tell that idiot that was  questioning your judgement how much you make.  The reasoning behind this is debated among nerd-fighting scholars, but it's believed that it's much like Ronald Reagan's trickle-down economic policy.  You see, you are rich.  Because you are rich, you must have an awesome job.  You must have this awesome job because you are smart.  You are smart because you went to college.  You went to college so you probably met someone loosely affiliated with the athletic program.  Having met this person, you are a recruiting guru.  It's pretty simple when your brain isn't consumed with the hormones associated with nerd fighting that make you black out. It should be noted that you are not a true nerd fighter unless this salary figure is grossly exaggerated.  If you are being honest, you're probably just a douche. 2.  You announce that you are taking the high road because you're mature.  Then you hurl an insult - This is a pretty obvious sign exhibited by most people who are not accustomed to nerd fighting.  The people using this line are usually either in their first nerd fight or are still bordering on a bit of clarity and level-headedness.  You want to be a mature adult.  You really do.  But c'mon, man.  You're so awesome that you know the only people that read message boards are unemployed and gap-toothed.  So, you adjust your monacle, straighten your tie and flatten your cumberbun before announcing to the entire message board that you are not going to stoop to CardsSuckBalls' level because you are a classy individual.  Then, you will tag the aforementioned statement with "and you're obviously an uneducated, imbred redneck" or "it's guys like you that make me think abortion isn't a bad idea".  This is a bit of a gateway into full-fledged nerdfighter. 3.  You make an elaborate and demonstrative claim that you are leaving the nerd fight - Dude, let's be serious.  NO ONE quits a nerd fight.  But, that doesn't stop the accomplished message board warriors from the rope-a-dope tactic known as "the possum".  It's a pretty simple tactic.  You make bold claims and a lengthy post about how you are leaving the fight.  Often times, you incorporate the previous tactic into this finishing move.  Everyone knows that you aren't really leaving, but no one will say it.  It's kind of a nerd fighting code.  So, after this big-time announcement, you sit readily with a clever retort to that guy who had the nerve to question your six-figure salary with his poorly-spelled argument and just wait.  As soon as you see that S.O.B. post, you're all over him like white on rice!  He didn't see it coming. Now, it should be stated that you likely do want to quit, but you can't because, if you did, then you'd have to take off your W.W.R.D. bracelet.  After all, Richie would NEVER quit.  Ever. 4.  You will stalk from post to post in hopes of another round - People generally just lose interest in your nerd fight because of other posts and once there is no one left to impress with your insults and low blows to BCGisBRINGIN#8, you just lose interest too - until he has the audacity to leave another comment on another post.  Being a nerd fighter is a lot like being Ivan Drago because unless you have the "If he dies, he dies" attitude, then you are going to get crushed.  You always play for blood in a nerd fight because it's really all about being the baddest man on the planet in the eyes of the other Kentucky fans, so you have to keep it coming. Bonus points if you keep a mental list of screen names of enemies and attack them on a regular basis. 5.  You get the "Slow down.  You're posting comments too fast" message from WordPress - This should be pretty self-explanatory and you should know exactly what I'm talking about.  If you've never gotten this message, then you sir are a coward and not a true nerd-fighter!  If you have gotten this message, though, then you're an experienced, battle tested message board warrior and understand the frustrations that a couple extra seconds can cause when your blood pressure is at an all-time high and you have a gem of a comeback ready to go.  This blank screen is the foe of any nerd-fighter, but it also serves as a guage of your quick-witted power. Now, I'm sure there are plenty of other signs that you're in a nerd fight, but I've done my best to mature and move on from that part of my life, so I really can't enlighten you to anymore.  Just take with you that as long as there is the internet, there will be online tough-man contests, and there's really nothing we can do to eliminate the problem.  But, if we can identify the signs of a problem then maybe, just maybe, one day the message boards will be safer for our kids.  Or at least your kids.  Because I know my kids would give your kids the beating of a lifetime in a nerd fight because they will be genetically superior.  Deal with it. ***UPDATE:  It seems that I did not make it clear enough at the beginning that this is not aimed at any of our fine KSR patrons who might have nerd fought before, because that would make me guilty of nerd fighting myself.  This was just written as a public service announcement for those of us trying to make our way across the UK message board world.  You're all my UK brothers.