John Calipari's Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

There was a time, not so long ago, when Kentucky basketball existed firmly in the center of college basketball’s cultural landscape. The power of John Calipari’s media machine had a nation doing the John Wall; Jay-Z was sitting courtside in Rupp Arena; and Drake, at the height of his popularity, was running layup lines at Big Blue Madness. It was a gorgeous time to be a ‘Cats fan.

Ain’t no question, UK basketball isn’t as cool as it once was. For nearly a decade now, we’ve felt that fantasy slowly drifting away from us. And every year, we reach the point of the offseason where we try to convince ourselves that Calipari is “getting his swagger back” — only for that swagger to seemingly disappear when adversity hits.

Well don’t worry, this isn’t one of those posts. Is Coach Cal’s latest “tweak” about to change everything? Nah, probably not. But if affiliation with hip-hop superstars has any correlation to winning, then he may be on to something.

The DONDA Pipeline

Robert Dillingham is Kentucky’s first five-star commitment in the class of 2023, and he may the key to building an unprecedented superclass. The 6’2″ guard is an immensely talented scorer, but that’s not nearly the most interesting thing about him. That would be Kanye West, the founder and benefactor of Dillingham’s infamous prep school, DONDA Academy. With Dillingham headed to Lexington, will we be seeing Ye in blue and white soon?

Truthfully, no one seems to know how closely West is involved with Dillingham’s future. He’s been spotted at a number of their games, but the nature of the academy is a mystery in itself. The DONDA website consists of a few boilerplate mission statements pasted on a black screen with an animated dove flapping its wings. The actual location of the school, according to Google Maps, is an empty dirt road in Simi Valley, California. Nothing about DONDA Academy makes sense, and for Kanye, that makes perfect sense.

Still, Dillingham’s skills are legit. And with DONDA senior forward J.J. Taylor also considered a Kentucky lean in On3’s database, it’s looking more and more likely that John Calipari is establishing a pipeline to West’s camp. This bodes well in future recruiting for both basketball prospects and celebrity cameos.

The NOCTA Factor

More recently, top recruit DJ Wagner made waves by appearing in a promotion for Drake’s new Nike label, NOCTA. KSR’s Drew Franklin was quickly on the case, breaking down the potential implications of this deal for Wagner’s recruitment, UK’s Nike brand, and #TeamNoSleep. Obviously, the idea of pairing Dillingham and Wagner together on the court is tantalizing. But could this also be the key to rekindling Coach Cal’s relationship with Drizzy?

It may seem like just another gimmick, but uniting Drake and Kanye for the same cause is no small feat. Before teaming up for a sensational livestream benefit concert back in December, the two rappers had a long history of beefing. But they’re on better terms now, and Drake has already graced Big Blue Madness with his presence in 2014; If we get a repeat performance in 2023 with West on board too, the internet might not survive it.

Kanye West and Drake coming down from the Rupp Arena rafters at Big Blue Madness pic.twitter.com/QzK0rbZu5a

— Jack Pilgrim (@JackPilgrimKSR) July 21, 2022

In the words of Aubrey Graham in 2015’s “Jumpman,” “them boys up to something.” But what does it all mean for Kentucky?

Filling Out the Roster

It doesn’t take much imagination (or shame) to read between the lines here: John Calipari is assembling a celebrity superteam to take back the spotlight by force. Two stars are in his sights, and I can only assume he’ll collect the rest like so many infinity stones. If Jay-Z’s still on board, then he just needs to recruit Eminem and Lil Wayne and he’ll have the top five highest-selling rappers of all time in one starting lineup.

I can’t say for sure what kind of effect this collaboration of MCs would have on basketball X’s and O’s, but it could be considerable. Can you imagine trying to gameplan against a team that out-run, out-jump and out-rap you all at once? If Wagner and Drake join the ‘Cats, who does Louisville have left? Master P?

Clearly, Calipari is reaching deep into his bag of tricks this summer in an effort to return Kentucky to the forefront of cultural discourse. If he can just pair that with a few victories in March, then we might be in business. In the meantime… well, every superhero needs his theme music, right?