KSR Bachelor Top Tweets: It's About to Be A What? GIRL FIGHT!!
Good morning to Bachelor fans AND all of you who hate my guts. I hope everyone had a great day yesterday celebrating our Presidents. For those of you who don’t like this post, allow me to share a quote from our first President, George Washington:
““If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.”
I think what George was trying to say to me here (I could be wrong) was “Aaron, if you want to write about the Bachelor you can. You have that freedom. If you don’t take advantage of it you may as well be killed.” So give me a break, haters. I don’t want to be led to any sort of slaughter, especially one that is my own. So I will continue to write about this show every week. And I will use help. Continuing the President theme, Woodrow Wilson once said:
“I not only use all the brains that I have but all that I can borrow.”
Tonight I will once again be posting the top tweets I come up with, as well as borrowing the best I come across.
Last night the girls remaining on the Bachelor traveled to Miami and went on dates with our favorite non English speaking Bachelor, Juan Pablo. Upon arriving in Miami, Juan Pablo goes to visit his family and his daughter Camilia. He walks in the house and whistles for Camilia. Not a bad strategy, considering she might not understand the things he says.
Does it make anyone else a little uncomfortable that Juan Pablo greets his daughter with the whistle thing from the Hunger Games? #Bachelor
– Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) February 18, 2014
Speaking of not understanding English, I had a question about the date cards.
Who writes the date cards for Juan Pablo? He can’t speak the language. No way he can spell the words. #bachelor
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
I really hope this is what happens…
@AFlenerKSR I like to think he pantomimes the date ideas and someone transcribes them. – The Notorious TCB (@TBrown_80) February 18, 2014
The first one on one date went to Sharleen. She was less than thrilled.
Sharleen is the only person who has ever been on The Bachelor who is like “I don’t even know this guy…why would I be in love with him?” – Matt Jones (@MattJonesAussie) February 18, 2014
After being unexcited, she got on a yacht with him and they made out a lot.
Juan Pablo and Sharleen have the kind of chemistry found only in romance novels and after midnight in college bars. #bachelor – Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) February 18, 2014
I like this part, because I totally get “yacht dates.” Go on them all the time.
I don’t know about you guys, but I can totally relate to this date. I take girls on yachts ALL THE TIME. Usually get asked to leave though.
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
You won’t believe this, but after they made out on the yacht they made out in the water. Just kidding, you’d totally believe it.
@AFlenerKSR He’s no dummy, water kisses lead to water straddles. And we all know what happens on water straddles.
– Jax Teller (@jaxteller_KY) February 18, 2014
Nikki wonders if Juan Pablo and Sharleen are talking about anything.
No, Nikki. They haven’t talked about anything. All they say is “Look at me” and “You’re trouble.” Then they kiss. Then she doubts. #bachelor
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Sharleen also realizes they talk about nothing.
“I wish I was a little dumber.” -Sharleen “Me too.” -Juan Pablo, probably #Bachelor – Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
After his date with Sharleen, Nikki gets a one on one date. Juan Pablo takes her to meet his parents, his baby momma, and his daughter. His daughter is performing a dance recital. Nikki is wearing what amounts to denim boy shorts and a deep v-neck t-shirt.
Nikki, upon finding out she is meeting Camilia & Juan Pablo’s parents, had to be thinking “I should have dressed a little more modestly.” – Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Juan Pablo had this semi english statement to say to Nikki as they sat near the pitcher’s mound:
“If the moon and the skies and everyone else wants us to be together. Then it is.” We need the guy from the AT&T commercials to be around when Juan Pablo is talking to say things like “I follow you.”
After Nikki’s date, which consisted of them going to the Marlins’ stadium, things get fun with Sharleen. Sharleen has decided the Bachelor format is not conducive for her finding forever love. In general terms, I believe she thinks Juan Pablo is stupid and doesn’t want to introduce him to her family. I can’t argue to the contrary.
Sharleen must be scared of the language barrier between her family and Juan Pablo. #Bachelor
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Sharleen informs the girls that she is leaving and then she goes to break the news to Juan Pablo. What happens next is an odd interaction that was completely whispered.
Why are they whispering? #Bachelor
– Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) February 18, 2014
Are there people sleeping in the room where they are having this conversation? #Bachelor – Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Juan Pablo isn’t happy with the news of Sharleen’s departure, but he makes an excellent observation.
“If you would not come here I would not meet you.”-A sentence Juan Pablo just used to Sharleen. #Bachelor – Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Of course, this next tweet is also a possibility…
Juan Pablo doesn’t seem as bent out of shape as I expected. He probably doesn’t understand that Sharleen is leaving. #Bachelor
– Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) February 18, 2014
Sharleen leaves, but not before she says what every girl is always thinking.
“I wish I didn’t have to make choices.” -Sharleen, and every girl ever when you ask them where they want to eat. #Bachelor
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Next up is a group date. Juan Pablo, Andi, Clare, Renee, and Chelsie. Andi gets the rose and gets to continue on the date alone with Juan Pablo. This did not thrill Clare, as she had just opened up to Juan Pablo about the video her Dad made for her future husband. Here are Turkey Hunter’s hope for that video.
I hope Clare’s dad is just doing the Macarena is his video. Whole tape.
– Turkey Hunter (@TurkeyHunterKSR) February 18, 2014
And here are a couple smoking hot takes on why Clare did not receive a rose…
Juan Pablo doesnt’ give Clare the rose because, you know, Redbox has other videos. #bachelor
– Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) February 18, 2014
Clare, you didn’t get a rose because you ocean coitused. It’s as simple as that. #Bachelor
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
Since Clare, Renee, and Chelsie did not receive a rose, they head back to the palatial hotel to join Nikki. Clare, still not thrilled with being kicked off the date, is complaining to the other girls. Nikki, who hates Clare and doesn’t want to hear it, decides to head upstairs. Clare, who is “not okay with her being a b****,” follows her and it leads to an all time great Bachelor confrontation. This is what I promised shortly after it happened.
I am going to transcribe that entire Clare vs. Nikki argument in the KSR Bachelor post. Everyone will be dumber after reading it.
– Aaron Flener (@AFlenerKSR) February 18, 2014
This isn’t the end of the show and doesn’t cover the rose ceremony. Just know that Chelsie gets sent home and the previews show all four girls crying next week. But as promised, I’m going to end this post with one of the greatest arguments in the history of disagreements. Also known as a “What? GIRL FIGHT!”
Clare: “Nikki, can I talk to you for a second?”
Nikki: “Sure.”
Clare: “What was that about? What just happened? I’m confused.”
Nikki: “I just, like, I mean, I don’t feel like I’m like… I don’t like sit around while everyone is like talking s*** about my friend (Andi) and I feel like…”
Clare: “What did I say that was talking s***?”
Nikki: “I didn’t say you were talking s***.”
Clare: “Who was talking s***?”
Nikki: “I just… you interrupted.”
Clare: “Who was talking s*** down there?”
Nikki: “You interrupted. Ummmm… I was gonna say that like that’s where it was headed and I just didn’t want to be a part of it.”
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Clare: “Who was talking s***?”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: Clare would like to know who was talking s***.*
Nikki: “Nobody was talking s***. I said…”
Clare: “So what made you think we were talking s*** or it was leading in that direction?
Nikki: “I just… I just didn’t want to be a part of the conversation. Like I didn’t.”
Clare: “Why?”
Nikki: “Because I just didn’t. Like I just… I didn’t feel like I had anything to add and… and… I just didn’t want to be a part of it and that’s that.”
Clare: “When you were sitting down there earlier and we were talking about how like what a bummer it was to not get a rose you were sitting there like laughing.”
Nikki: “No there was nothing… like, I…”
Clare: “Can you not cut me off for a sec?”
Nikki: “Oh. Okay. *nodding*”
Clare: “It’s all fun and games and funny to you when it’s, like, our stuff. But when it’s something personal to you, you get up and leave.”
Nikki: “It had nothing to do with me.”
Clare: “Can you please not cut me off?”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: Clare does not want to be cut off.*
Clare: “Why are you laughing?”
Nikki: “I, I just, Clare I have nothing to say to you. Like, let’s be honest, like, I don’t like you, we’re never going to be friends. You can just excuse yourself from my room.”
Clare: “I can excuse myself?”
Nikki: “Yeah.”
Clare: “This is ALL of our suite.”
Nikki: “Oh, is your stuff in here? *looks around for Clare’s stuff* *doesn’t find it*”
Clare: “This is not YOUR room.”
Nikki: “Oh it’s not? Do you sleep in here?”
Clare: “Did you pay for it?”
Nikki: “Do you sleep in here?”
Clare: “Did you pay for it?”
Nikki: “No, did you?”
Clare: “No. So it’s neither of our rooms.”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: It is KSR’s belief that ABC paid for the room.*
Nikki: “Okay.”
Clare: “So it’s open space.”
Nikki: “Great.”
Clare: “Just wanted to clarify that.”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: Hell of a pun by Clare right there.*
Nikki: “Please do.”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: She already did.*
Clare: “I’m just confused, like, I wanted to come talk to you because if it was anything I said…”
Nikki: That’s not how you approached this. You approached it like attacking me and you approached it as…”
Clare: “I came up here, Nikki, to see if there is something I said to somebody that offends them that’s my doing then I’m the first to be not wanting them to feel bad.”
Nikki: “WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU? Like, it’s not about you. I just didn’t want to be apart of the conversation. I didn’t want to be apart of a conversation with you, Renee, or Chelsie.”
Clare: “This isn’t about me. This is actually I came out of my way to come talk to you. So I’m actually…”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: She walked up a flight of stairs.*
Nikki: “Cause YOU felt bad that YOU offended me and like YOU felt like YOU had to come apologize.”
Clare: “I didn’t want you to feel bad.”
Nikki: “I don’t feel bad. Like…”
Clare: “When you get up in the mid sentence of a conversation and walk out. And maybe you don’t feel bad…”
Nikki: “I don’t.”
Clare: “Maybe that’s where I’m totally wrong?”
Nikki: “You are.”
Clare: “My bad for misunderstanding you. You’re a piece of work Nikki.”
Nikki: “You’re f****** crazy.”
*EDITOR’S NOTE: LOL*
@AFlenerKSR
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