Legendary Tennessee Diatribe: Fact or Fiction

  [embed]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7G7loR2VVw[/embed] This man is a hero.   After consulting with the KSR IT Department, I have confirmed that the video shown above is the single most posted video in the storied history of KSR. In fact, I believe it is now the fourth most viewed video in the history of the internet behind Gangnam Style, Charlie Bit My Finger, and Kige Ramsey's "How to purchase a Halloween costume."  I myself have posted it every single time Kentucky has played Tennessee in football since the day I signed my first lucrative blogging contract.  But what makes this 1 minute piece of cinema such a timeless classic?  The speaker's impassioned delivery?  The hard-hitting interviewing style of the host?  The clear homage to legendary cinematographer Ernest Laszlo evident in the camera work? While each of these elements is important, the true glory of the piece is the pure, unadulterated hatred expressed for an entity so truly deserving of malice: the Tennessee Volunteers.  This man's hate for the Vols is so very rich and deep that it results in spin-off hate to otherwise benign objects that simply remind him of UT.  Most notably, dogs and autumnal gourds.  We can all agree that this video is still entertaining even after all these many views.  Or, at least we can all agree that I still find this video entertaining even after all these many views.  But entertainment aside, is the content of the video accurate?  Today, we find out as we check the assertions of our Tennessee-hating friend against the KSR fact-checker. ASSERTION ONE: "First of all, it's Tennessee." VERDICT: Fact.  Tennessee is, in fact, Tennessee.  As a bonus, our speaker also points out that Tennessee is not Alabama, which it turns out is also correct.  They are, in fact, totally different states, as is evident from this helpful map of regional fish stocking locations. ASSERTION TWO: "They low-down, they dirty, they some snitches." VERDICT: Fact.  There is no question with regard to the "snitches" aspect of the story.  In 2004, head coach and great pumpkin Phillip Fulmer took a hiatus from mentoring his collection of choir boys in Knoxville to rat out Alabama to the NCAA for recruiting violations.  ESPN Story here.  This would likely explain some of our friend's particular hatred for Coach Fulmer.  As for the "low down" portion, perhaps some of that has to do with the impressive post-Rocky Top legal entanglements of some notable UT football alums.  From Leonard Little and Donte' Stallworth boozing it up and killing people in separate incidents on the road, to Jamal Lewis going to the Federal Pen in the prime of his NFL career for cocaine trafficking, to Travis Henry attempting to impregnate most of the southern United States, the Vols have truly proven to be both "low down" and "dirty." ASSERTION THREE: "Neyland Stadium looks like a garbage truck worker convention." VERDICT: Partially Factual.  Though Tennessee fans and garbage truck workers share certain commonalities, (bright orange attire, surrounded by filth, etc), garbage truck workers are distinguishable in that they are employed and smell like garbage only during work hours.     ASSERTION FOUR: "I hate all their quarterbacks." VERDICT: False.  Actually, I can't say our speaker is wrong to hate all of UT's quarterbacks.  There have certainly been some hate-able ones over the years.  However, we, as UK fans, should forever hold one illustrious Tennessee quarterback in the highest regard. That quarterback is, of course, Tyler Bray.  Tyler almost single-handedly ended Kentucky's quarter century of futility against the Vols by inexplicably losing in a matchup with Kentucky wide receiver turned quarterback for a day Matt Roark. That was pretty awesome of him, and should earn considerable esteem from the Kentucky faithful. But maybe even more impressively, Tyler gave the world this tattoo. So with respect to our speaker, I can't hate all Tennessee quarterbacks.  (In fairness, Tyler Bray was probably in third grade at the time the video was filmed, and I don't think he even got the tattoo for another two years.) So after rigorous examination from the KSR fact checker, our speaker proves to be nearly as factual as he is compelling.  And his message of hatred of all things "puke, inside of a pumpkin orange" is an important one to remember as Kentucky fans travel to Knoxville this weekend to see the Cats try to take down the Big Orange.  For those Kentucky fans making the trip, cheer hard for the Cats, and be on the lookout for any former Vols who may still be at large. And be comforted in the fact that so long as the internet continues to exist at this time next year, and I have any access to it, our friend and hero will make his triumphant return.