BBN Travel Guide to Not Getting Murdered in Newark, NJ

Hey there! I heard you're going to watch Kentucky try to take down those Buckeyes in the Sweet Sixteen. That's awesome! The Big Blue Nation has the best fan support in all of sports. However, I hate to be the one to tell you this but... ummm... you know the game is in Newark, right?  Yeah, Newark, New Jersey. It's kind of like Lexington, KY if Lexington had prostitutes and homicide instead of horses and basketball. But don't worry, you'll have fun! I put together a travel guide for those of you making the trip to the 68th largest city in this fine country. You're welcome! Where to Stay:

Quality Inn, Newark Airport... Larry, a caller on yesterday's radio show, said he stayed at the Quality Inn at the Newark Airport while he was in town for work building power plants. Larry said the parking lot is heavily protected by police because it's the "number one car-thieving place there is". So there ya go.

Hilton Newark Penn Station... The Hilton at the Newark Penn Station is the official hotel for the tournament's media members and other important people. If it's safe enough to house the likes of Brett Dawson, Matt May, Mary Jo Perino, and Kent Spencer - it'll certainly be safe enough for you.

Manhattan, NY... If you don't trust the lodging in Newark, you can always stay in Manhattan and commute to the games. I just stayed at the Grand Hyatt next to Grand Central Station two weeks ago and I can personally vouch for the hotel's services, amenities, and breakfast burritos.

The sidewalk... When in Newark, do as the Newarkians do.

DOs and DON'Ts:

DO go to the Kentucky game. It'll be easy to get lost in the city but don't forget the reason why you're there. Kentucky has a game to play and your presence in the stands is important. Let's do our best to make it like a home game.

DON'T poke that guy with a stick. Why would that even cross your mind?  He's obviously been dead for at least a week. And, let's say he is just sleeping, what do you think he's going to do when you wake him up? He's going to pee everywhere and then ask you for change. That's what he's going to do.

DO find Mayor Cory Booker and shake his hand. The mayor of Newark is a rising star in the world of politicians and in social networking. He has almost caught up to Coach Cal in Twitter followers!

DON'T put your mouth to that water fountain. Newark has a high rate of STDs and we don't want you bringing that stuff back to the Bluegrass.

DO take lots of pictures from your trip. And send the entertaining ones to us.

DON'T even think about negotiating with a Newark streetwalker for services. Don't even look at them. I shouldn't have to tell you this.

DO be really loud and obnoxious with your 'C-A-T-S' chants. Let everyone know who runs this town for the weekend. Should we call it Blue-ark, New Jersey?  No?  Sorry, that was bad.

DON'T take the family to tour East Newark. Unless your family is full of crack fiends and gang bangers. Even if that's the case, you'll still want to make sure everyone is packing. Even the little ones better have a burner in the waistband.

Where To Meet Big Blue Nation:

Jack Demsey's (NYC)... Go see Heather, Erin, the Brothers Meehan, and the rest of the NYC UK Alumni at Jack Demsey's on 33rd Street. Demsey's is the official UK alumni bar in New York and it's home to all of the game watching parties. Stick around for Maker's shots and flip-cup after the game. And tell Vinnie I sent you.

Legends (NYC)...  Make your way down to Legends for additional seating and a change of scenery if Demsey's is too packed. It's located right down 33rd from Demsey's and it's owned by the same great people.

The Spot Lounge (Newark)... Starting at 6pm Friday night, The Spot Lounge in Newark will be the official bar for Kentucky fans in the Brick City. Join fellow friends, alumni, the UK band and UK cheerleaders in a pep rally just two blocks from the arena. If any Ohio State or UNC fans enter the building, punch them in the face and tell them KSR told you to do it. That's how we roll.

Where Not To Meet Big Blue Nation

"Wiggles", "Sights", or any Newark Gentlemen's Club... If Kentucky wins, you'll be looking for a place to party. Just don't get yourself killed.  I don't care if you just saw Alan Cutler entering the building. With a mustache like that, he's respected everywhere.

Anywhere in Newark without street lights... Again, keep it on the main roads, people. I don't want to see Carruth's Entourage, SexnNursinHomes, or PatPattersonISWalkingThruThatDoor on a toe-tag.

What To Do If Kentucky Wins

First, talk trash to as many Ohio State fans as possible. Then, spend the rest of your weekend touring New York City. There's plenty to do in the city so you shouldn't have a minute of down-time. The only NYC tourism advice I'll give you is go to the Empire State Building but DO NOT pay for the SkyRide. If you get the urge to go, just take $30 dollars, wad it up into a ball, throw it as far as possible, and enjoy the next two hours of your life.  Other than that, have fun and make sure you're back at The Spot Lounge before Sunday's game.

What To Do If Kentucky Loses

Get the hell out of there. Don't even check-out of the hotel. Just go.

---------------------------- In all seriousness, I hope everyone making their way up north has a great time and sees a UK win (or two) while doing so. If you are making the trip, leave a comment below so we can call roll when we get there.  Go Cats!