The Season Grind: Behind the Scenes of a KSR Intern's Week

I hope everybody got a chance to read Freddie Maggard’s terrific article last week about what his standard week looks like as KSR’s football expert. If not, you can read the full article here. But let’s face reality here: Freddie is in the upper crust of the KSR hierarchy. He’s staying at the Hiltons and eating lobster for each meal. He, Tyler, and Drew are out there going to the games in limos with courtside and field seats. They’re living the good life. As the resident Senior Intern on staff (16-year anniversary right around the corner), I thought it would be a good idea to let everyone know there is a different weekly routine out there. The life of a KSR intern:

MONDAY

Let’s get this straight from the beginning: being a part of KSR is a dream. A very fortunate aspect of my life that I do not take for granted. Let’s also get something out of the way too: picking up Nick Roush’s dry cleaning every Monday in South Louisville sucks. That man dry-cleans his jeans. He dry-cleans his hats. He dry-cleans his winter gloves. In August. Then, on top of that, Nick requires that you go over to his alma mater, Desales High School, and scout the Broncos or Cowboys or whatever dumb nickname they have. There are only so many times you can watch 15-year-olds run the veer poorly. But Nick wants his Monday report, handwritten in cursive, by 5 p.m., or there will be consequences. Oh, and also posting a Rants and Ramblings sometime.

TUESDAY

Remember the name “Big Nicky.” All of us KSR interns certainly do. Who is this 375-pound mountain of a man you might ask? A future UK star on the Big Blue Wall? Oh no. That would be Drew Franklin’s bookie and Tuesdays are time to pay the piper. If you think Phil Mickelson was not the sharpest bettor in the world, try a little Drew Franklin parlay sometime. This man once teased Angola -9.5 against Spain in an Olympic qualifying basketball game. ANGOLA! The Spaniards won by 39. Wanna know why KSR interns come and go? Big Nicky has swallowed up quite a few of us over the years. In a back closet of KSBar is a set of crutches. I’ll let you figure out why. It still makes my skin shiver thinking about those envelopes of cash on my doorstep every Tuesday morning from Drew and hoping it covered the debt. Oh, and also posting a Rants and Rambling sometime.

WEDNESDAY

“Bryan, do you know how many national championships UK has won in basketball”. That’s the text I wake up to on Wednesday morning and I already know the sender. The Editor in Chief of KSR, Tyler Thompson. I made a goof on a future post and put “7” instead of the obvious answer, “8.” I mean, those two buttons are next to each on a keyboard for crying out loud. But the mistake is a glaring one and Tyler doesn’t put up with that sh**. And I already know what I must do. The KSR Intern Punishment. You make an error as an intern and you pay the price. Here’s what it is:

1. You must walk a marathon
2. Drive to OVW Headquarters and take a Cash Flow chop
3. Skim Ryan’s pool
4. Drive through all 120 counties while reading Matt’s book

You are given four hours to complete these tasks. If you don’t? Have you ever tried to come up with website content at 6 a.m. on a Sunday? Get ready to do that for a couple of months.

THURSDAY

A relaxing day at the golf course, one of the great perks of being a part of KSR. And let me tell you, carrying Matt Jones’ bag for 18 holes is truly one of the great pleasures of my life. Plus, you learn some great lessons over 4.5 hours of golf with Matt. First, any lie can be made into a good lie. And you really keep your head on a swivel and learn to notice your surroundings. Because a bad lie can turn into a good one and a good lie can turn into a great one really quickly. Especially when no one is looking. You really become one with nature, learning about lots of different types of trees and marsh life. Lastly, you really learn how long two feet are. You might think you are 6 feet tall but I learned by Hole No. 3 that I actually was like two feet tall. Anyway, congrats on shooting a 73 Matt. Very impressive. Rants and Ramblings posted sometime too.

FRIDAY

Here’s where the grunt work really begins. While Freddie gets to travel to KSR’s Game of the Week at some of the best high school stadiums in the state, the interns are scattered about for the KSR Not Games of the Week. This week I’m headed to Calloway County, where the semi-annual powder puff game is taking place during a football off week. The junior girls looked stacked this year as the Dampier Twins have made their way into the game and are threats on the outside. But the senior girls are no joke after losing last year 19-11. It’s a string of amazing plays all over the field and also a slew of missed extra points. In the end, the seniors win again in Calloway County 36-24. Some might argue Senior Quarterback Danielle Fieldstrom had an unfair advantage with her 82-year-old grandfather as head official but who is to say? What is certain is they will be talking about this classic game in Calloway County for at least the next 2-3 hours. I send Freddie my report from the game. Unclear if he’s read it yet.

SATURDAY

Time to spend some time with my wife and son. Haven’t seen them all week as I’ve been traveling to South Louisville, a random alley in Lexington, Matt’s golf round, walking a marathon, and Calloway County this week. My son wakes me up at 6 a.m. with a swift jab to the groin and a “BTI Sucks.” The joys of parenting never cease to exist. Breakfast conversation includes topics like “Will you ever be paid?”, “Don’t you feel like a loser?”, “How did Matt shoot a 73 but hit the ball 87 times?”, and the like. Let’s answer these in order. First, I am paid in joy and Skyline gift certificates. Second, if life as a loser is this good, I don’t want to be a winner. Lastly, I wrote a 73 for Matt’s final score. That means he got a 73. Shut up, Melissa! Planned for some Rants and Ramblings for the next week.

SUNDAY

Thank you, lord for all of these blessings. I get to interact with Nick Roush. I get to see Desales football run the veer. Morning text messages from Tyler Freakin’ Thompson. Big Nicky. I know just how many golf balls are needed for Matt to get through a round. I get to email Freddie Maggard. Every. Single. Week. And yes, Sunday I am usually fielding calls from the other interns. There are tears sometimes. And let me add that kids these days know curse words I didn’t know exist. But Tyler doesn’t deserve the words that are thrown around. And I pull these kids back. Yes, I know it sounds crazy Drew is doing a 4-team parlay on Turkish league cricket. But that is just part of the job. By the end of the day, me and my fellow interns are ready to roll again on Monday morning.