University of Florida Student FAQs

As a student at the University of Florida you’re certain to grow accustomed to your surroundings on your own; however, you may still have questions. Here are some of the most common questions asked by on-campus residential UF students. Where can I eat on campus? The University of Florida offers a number of great dining options, from the food court at Reitz Union to the Gator Corner Dining Center and the convenient stores and fast food of Little Hall. A map is available at student services for you to discover the locations nearest you. What can I do if I lose the key to my dorm room? It has happened to all of us at one point; you misplace your key and can’t find it anywhere. In the event of a lockout please call the residence advisor on duty in your building and he or she will grant you access until a replacement key can be requested. My roommate has a lot of pet birds. So many that it’s hard to sleep, and our room is beginning to smell a little bit. What can I do about this, and why does he have them? Many times the “learning curve” of a new roommate can be difficult, and you’re not the first to report this difficulty. It’s not uncommon for some UF students to make some “extra money” importing and selling rare or endangered birds to collectors around the country. The good news is that the peak buying season for illegal birds is from November-March, so your room should grow increasingly emptier as your school semester progresses. Hang in there! Why is there a baby alligator in my toilet? Great question! Actually, that’s likely not a baby alligator as much as it is a full-sized caimen, which is in the alligator family. These reptiles can swim up through water pipes and on occasion may pop up where they’re unwelcome! Don’t worry, it’s not as dangerous as an alligator; however, its tiny teeth are very sharp and can rip flesh and muscle from bone at a rapid speed, so don’t anger it. Instead, please call the headcampus janitor at extension x8889 or email him at [email protected] and he can take care of it for you. Last night as I was sleeping, a meth-crazy stripper cut off my genitals. What now? Welcome to Florida! You may have noticed that the very image of a meth-crazy stripper cutting off a sleeping man’s genitals is on our license plate. Around here we have a old saying before before bed: Good night/sleep tight/don't forget to wrap an elaborate system of string and bells around your room and wear your steel genital casing.” The student health care center should be able to help in such situations, give them a ring at x9833. An escaped convict from a nearby prison broke into our dorm yesterday and when we came home he had created a Satan-ritual altar to gain the powers of the devil. We fought him off before he could complete it but we’re afraid he might return. Oh, that old story! He probably is more afraid of you than you are of him. Alert the authorities if you know of the direction he is currently headed in and they will handle the rest. Be sure to clean up; remember that lighted candles are not permitted in residence halls. I was studying in Broward Hall when a reticulated python began to strike at me around the face and, once I was on the ground, wrapped itself around me and began to crush my body. My friend had to hack it to death with a fire axe and there’s blood everywhere, both mine and the snake’s. What should I do? This happens all the time. Give Janitor Walsh a call and he can take care of everything. My Bigfoot museum got swallowed by a sinkhole. Do I have to start over? Yes.