Why Skal in Sacramento makes no sense

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via nba.com[/caption] No team does dysfunction better than the Sacramento Kings. Last year marked its tenth season in a row without a playoff appearance, but even if you don’t consider its recent woes, Sacramento might have been the worst possible landing spot for Skal Labissiere. It was sad enough that Skal slipped to #28 after being projected to go as high as 9th, but his getting picked up by Sacramento only salted the wound. It’s a classic case of “Too Many Cooks” Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for UK setting up satellite campuses in Sacramento and Phoenix, as both the teams have swooped up five and four UK products by now, but the Kings have a small army’s worth of big men, and that makes me scared for Skal’s future. In Sactown, he’ll be asked to play alongside and compete for minutes against four other young big men. None of Sacramento’s big men are over 27 years old, and none besides Boogie have found much success in recent years. That route seems even more unlikely because the Kings #13 pick, former UK target Georgios Papagiannis, suggests that they will prioritize Cousins, Willie, 27-year old Kosta Koufos, and Papagiannis over Skal’s development. Assuming Papagiannis crosses the pond immediately, and with former Baylor power forward Quincy Acy in the mix as well, Skal would likely be the sixth option in a crowded six-man frontcourt. That’s a bad look anywhere, but in a system where the majority owner, Vivek Ranadive, suggested they play four-on-five defense so that the fifth player could cherry pick, it might prove even worse for our favorite Haitian. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="800"]

@Deadspin[/caption] But I guess it’ll take some innovation for Vivek, GM Vlade Divac, and new coach Dave Joerger to make all of these young big men work efficiently. Here’s an inside look at what Vivek and Vlade are cooking up (and one thing they definitely aren't) as we speak:

~~Bring in coach Cal~~ Sike! They already tried last year, and with Cal the Younger coming in this year, this won't be talked about for a while
Trade Boogie–I don’t want to see his prime waste away in Sacramento! And judging by his tweet, which was apparently about a “hot sculpting class.” Did he really need divine intervention to sink into that downward dog pose?
Trade one/more of the semi-expendable big men, and leave the frontcourt core of 3 UK players
Instate an intricate 6’10-and-up offense, where each player hands it off to the next ABOVE the defensive players’ heads. This is a self-regenerating play, as all five players line up vertically to hand off to the next, and the caboose runs to the front of the line to receive the hand off–no dribbling. The play culminates in a standing dunk after approximately 23 quick handoffs from baseline to baseline.
Lobby/bribe NBA Commisioner Adam Silver to remove the goaltending penalty (if you’ve played NBA Street, you know exactly what I’m talkin’ ‘bout), and revolutionize defense by implementing a rare 1-4 zone: four bigs with hands raised high around the paint, swatting layups and three-pointers alike, and of course a one man chaser on the perimeter (looking at you, Rajon)