‘The gold star’: How the memory of his late brother pushes Notre Dame punter Jon Sot

Jon Sot has the same pregame routine every Saturday. It never changes. Notre Dame could be playing undefeated No. 4 Clemson or unranked 3-7 Boston College. 

It always stays the same. 

The Notre Dame graduate student punter grabs a wallet-sized, laminated prayer card and some headphones. He reads the contents of the card and listens to “Me and My Brother” by 5IVE. The lyrics begin within seconds of pushing play. He instantly resonates with them. 

He could have written them himself. 

“I know I miss my brother, yeah. I know I miss my brother, yeah.” 

Sot misses his every day. 

Fifteen months Sot’s senior, Michael Thomas Sot died from injuries sustained in a head-on, two-car collision on Dec. 4, 2018. A 20-year-old sophomore at The College of New Jersey, Michael was a designated driver taking friends and classmates home from an off-campus party in the early-morning hours of Dec. 2 when his 2007 Dodge Charger was struck by an oncoming 2018 Kia Optima. 

The driver of the Optima, David Lamar, was traveling at roughly 85 miles per hour on a residential road and had a blood-alcohol level of .239, nearly three-times the legal limit of .08. He was sentenced to 12 years in prison on Nov. 8, 2021. 

Sot was a freshman at Harvard at the time of the crash. He flew from Boston back home to see his brother for the final time. Michael was not conscious in his hospital bed when his brother arrived, but he was still alive. He held on long enough for Sot to say one last thing to him, whether he could hear it or not. 

They are words Sot has lived by for nearly four full years now. 

“I’m going to make you proud.”

Sot’s punting average of 43.7 yards through 10 games is the seventh-best single season mark in Notre Dame history. If he holds onto it for the entire year and reaches a minimum of 50 boots — he has 39 so far — he’ll record the third-best career average in Fighting Irish history. 

He’s not etching his name in the record books of the most storied program in college football history on his own. He called his brother’s celestial presence a “superpower.” 

“Everything I’ve done since Michael’s passing, I dedicate to him and I do for him,” Sot told Blue & Gold Illustrated. “It gives me purpose. Sometimes when I hit an amazing punt, I feel like my brother is up there helping me do that stuff. I feel like I couldn’t be doing that without him.” 

‘Strength And Resilience’

Sot’s daily tributes to his brother started immediately.

He was the one who read Michael’s eulogy. His parents told him they’d get too emotional if they tried. Sot stepped up and delivered a powerful five-minute speech written as a letter. 

“I was speaking to him like he was in the room,” Sot said. 

Casey Ransone, Sot’s high school coach at Metuchen (N.J.) Saint Joseph High School, saw Sot do some amazing things on the football field in three years there. He witnessed Sot, a first-team all-county wide receiver, run away from future Michigan and current Green Bay Packers linebacker Rashan Gary of Paramus (N.J.) Catholic High School. He flung his arms in the air when Sot connected on a state-record 57-yard field goal. 

Those were substantial successes, but they weren’t anything close to as significant as it was for Ransone to sit through the eulogy. He called it the most admirable affair he’s ever seen. 

Sot’s relationship with Ransone has transitioned from one of a player-coach connection to an undying friendship. Ransone has had a front-row seat for Sot’s maturation from the 18-year-old who lost his 20-year-old brother to the 22-year-old starting punter at the University of Notre Dame who has become a beacon of merriment enveloped by otherwise melancholic circumstances. 

“You could easily build up resentment. You could build up anger and allow it to send you in the other direction,” Ransone told Blue & Gold Illustrated. “Jon did the total opposite. It was such an unbelievable display of character, strength and resilience with how he handled that situation.

“The worst situation in his life he could ever go through, he took that and turned it into strength. Watching an 18 year old at the time do that, I get emotional just talking about it.” 

So does Sot’s dad, Michael. It’s a father’s natural instinct.

Jon graduated from Harvard and turned a four-year career there into a one-year opportunity to walk-on at Notre Dame. He’s earning a master’s in science and management.

Michael’s daughter, Jessica, is a senior in high school. She’s off to college next fall. His other son, Matt, plays baseball at Arcadia University in Philadelphia. Michael’s step-son, Frankie, is an eighth-grader destined for the halls of high school next year.

The second oldest behind the late Michael, Jon was the one who had to set an example and make a choice on how the Sot siblings would live from Dec. 4, 2018, and beyond. 

The decision he made is one of courageous fortitude. 

“He could have easily said, ‘Enough with this, I’m depressed,’” Michael Sot told Blue & Gold Illustrated. “‘I’m not finishing school. I’m going to stay home.’ He chose to take the other path. He’s going to do something for his brother now. He has a mission. He has a goal. He’s going to make his brother proud.” 

Pushing Through

Nov. 19 would have been Michael Thomas Sot’s 24th birthday. Jon Sot spent it listening to “Me And My Brother” and reading from his treasured memento.

Don’t think of me as gone… 

My journey’s just begun, 

There are many paths in life, 

This earth is just but one

Think of me as living

in the hearts of those I touched, 

For nothing loved is ever lost 

And I know I was loved so much.

Above those words on the remembrance card is a picture of Michael Thomas Sot, smiling. Sot sees it every time just before he runs out of the tunnel at Notre Dame Stadium. 

He has grown to a point in which he felt comfortable enough to say Nov. 19 shouldn’t just be a commemoration of the last home game of his college career. 

It should be a celebration of his brother’s special day, too. 

Michael Sot called his boys “Irish twins” for how close they are in age. They did everything together. Michael was the pitcher. Jon was the catcher. They were both running backs, sharing the backfield together just as they shared slices of pizza, trading cards and everything else young boys grow up on. 

“He not only was my brother,” Sot said. “He was my best friend.”

Now Sot has a good one in Ransone, who called Sot the best football player he’s ever been around in a coaching capacity. Ransone was an assistant for former Notre Dame running back Theo Riddick’s high school team at Somerville (N.J.) Immaculata. He was former Notre Dame nose guard Hafis Williams’ defensive line coach at Elizabeth (N.J.) High. 

He’s seen great players. Sot stands out above all.

For Ransone, it was the “ice in his veins” and the diligent dedication to preparation that set Sot apart. Sot frequently went to away venues in his free time to scout kicking conditions. He’d report back to Ransone with notes on what he liked about the field and what he didn’t. 

“Everything about Jon screams, ‘This kid is going to be successful,’” Ransone said. 

Ransone was always adamant Sot would kick in the NFL someday. Maybe he will. There is still time. Sot is the right-hand man of Notre Dame special teams coordinator Brian Mason, who is a semifinalist for the Broyles Award, given annually to the best assistant coach in college football. 

It’s not easy to form a personal link with Mason. He’s all-business, one of the most intense figures on the Irish staff. Sot managed to squeeze himself into that inner circle. It has happened everywhere, from Saint Joseph to Harvard to Notre Dame. 

“He is the gold star for what you’re looking for in a football player at any program,” Ransone said. 

That doesn’t happen overnight. And it certainly doesn’t happen without keeping your head up after the loss of a loved one. 

“He’s a tough kid, man,” Michael Sot said of his son. “He’s resilient. He’s one of a kind, I’ll tell you. He’s been through so much, and he handles it so well.” 

Sot is writing his own story. He’s responsible for where he is. But several chapters of the book of his life belong to his brother, the one who’s always there by way of the words of 5IVE and a glossy pocket card he won’t ever part ways with. 

“Sometimes I look back like, ‘How am I here right now?” Sot said. “It doesn’t feel like I should be here with some of the things that have happened. But I always push through it.”