NFL Draft Matchmaker: Texas Longhorns get paired with their perfect team

I’ve always been a bandwagon fan of the NFL.

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I had a Broncos stint as a kid around Terrell Davis and Shannon Sharpe, but I couldn’t stick with Brian Griese and Jake the Snake. I flirted with Pittsburgh for a bit too, but they couldn’t keep my interest after The Bus retired. Then, one of my favorite athletes of all time, Andre Johnson, even made me a Texans fan for a time. That didn’t last.

I guess I’ve always been the way about the NFL that people talk about the NBA—player over team—or maybe I’m ruined from being raised in the age of fantasy sports.

Now, my NFL fandom is just an extension of my Longhorn fandom. I root for Texas players in the NFL.

How fun was it watching Bijan Robinson in Atlanta and Xavier Worthy in Kansas City this year? It’s a good time for your favorite NFL team to be whoever the next Longhorn plays for. But a strong criteria still exists.

I have preferences as far as pro teams go. I hope Longhorns go to good situations, are put in exciting roles to maximize their strengths, and aren’t on teams that are permanent dumpster fires. And I value historic franchises and uniforms.

So, here are my ground rules for the upcoming NFL Draft and where I hope Longhorns end up. Let’s play matchmaker.

First, the Browns, Jets, Jaguars, and Panthers are ruled out. Those teams are either historically incompetent or so unsexy—maybe both—that I’d never buy my kids a jersey from them, even if it was for one of my all-time favorite Longhorns. Do I want my kids being seen walking around town in a Jets jersey? That’s cruel, both for the kids and the Longhorns forced onto those teams. No thanks.

Second, no Patriots.

OT – Kelvin Banks: 49ers at Pick 11

Though it’s tempting to say Chicago at 10 for the Texas All-Timer, I don’t really want Banks having to save Caleb Williams’ bacon—nor getting the blame when Williams freestyles and self-sacks. So, we’ll be boring and plug Banks into his popular mock draft destination in San Francisco with fellow Longhorn Kyle Shanahan. It’s a historic franchise, a talented roster, and a great offense for the Longhorn stalwart to grow into the perennial bookend tackle he’s meant to be.

CB – Jahdae Barron: Falcons at Pick 15

It took a minute, but NFL draft experts are getting wise to the playmaking force that is the Thorpe Award winner and DBU legend. Barron played cornerback, nickel, and safety at Texas and could probably do it all in the pros because of his incredible length and instincts. But I imagine he’ll carve out a Jahdae-lago and maroon hopeless wide receivers there.

Now, you can’t find a mock draft that doesn’t have Barron in the first round—and this is before the NFL Combine. The Indianapolis Colts at 14 and the Cincinnati Bengals at 17 are popular destinations for the Austin native. But I like sending him to Atlanta and pairing him with fellow Longhorn in Robinson and across from lockdown corner A.J. Terrell. The Falcons hilariously never take a pass rusher despite the SEC being in their backyard and being full of them, so let’s continue that bit. More importantly, let’s start the Dirty Horns era in Atlanta, with Robinson and Barron bolstering both sides of the ball for years to come.

WR – Matthew Golden: Bills at Pick 30

Many NFL mock drafts love putting Golden in Washington with Jayden Daniels, but I might be one of the only writers fading Daniels a bit. Second-year quarterbacks are a different story. Plus, I can’t look at the Commanders and not see those colors and who that team has been for the last 30 years. I also saw how fun it was to have Worthy and Patrick Mahomes together last year.

So, let’s put Golden in Buffalo with Josh Allen. Allen’s receivers always seem like guys who won a local fan tryout, and he needs a bona fide number-one guy for years to come. Golden finds space beautifully and makes tough catches in tight windows that Allen could exploit. I love the uniform fit too. It’s beautiful to think about.

QB – Quinn Ewers: Seahawks TBD

I have almost half a dozen places where I don’t want Ewers to go, and if you’ve been following football for the last 20 years, you can guess where they are. Luckily, several of them will likely be picking a quarterback before Ewers goes off the board, so his destination is a little tougher to guess. I proposed Pittsburgh earlier this year to the Inside Texas staff group chat and was laughed at. Like Michael Jordan, I keep receipts.

But I see why Ewers would be a bad fit there for a few reasons. One, the Steelers don’t really have the luxury of time. I’m not sure how much longer their proud fanbase will stomach a treadmill quarterback situation like Russell Wilson or Justin Fields. Two, legendary coach Mike Tomlin needs to find a quarterback fast. Is that the type of situation where Ewers would excel?

Ewers needs time to develop his body and mechanics, plus a low-pressure situation. The Rams are commonly mentioned, but even then, Matt Stafford doesn’t have time on his side. I get why many folks like a team that plays indoors for Quinn, so I won’t put him in a harsh outdoor environment or division.

I like Seattle and the NFC West for Ewers. Geno Smith is more than a stopgap, and Ewers would be paired with offensive coordinator Klint Kubiak. Getting Ewers in the broader Shanahan/McVay ecosystem—which relies on fewer reads but takes advantage of the precise and zippy short-to-intermediate throws he excels at—would be great.

Plus, Ewers is an outdoors enthusiast, and we want him to be happy. Let’s get him in the Puget Sound on a boat, his hair grown out a little again, a cold Rainier beer in hand. It’s the offseason—don’t come after him for having a cold one or two, Nico Harrison. The sun sets over the Olympic mountains as Ewers pulls in a big Coho Salmon, he’s finally found some much-needed peace.

Quick Hitters

I’m sending Cam Williams to Kansas City in the late first, giving the Chiefs a piece that can both protect Mahomes now and provide unlimited upside for the future. Andrew Mukuba also ends up in Buffalo in round two. Senior Bowl standout Barryn Sorrell seems like someone destined to wreak havoc in the frigid NFC North for a decade, so how about Lambeau? Vernon Broughton and Alfred Collins each land in Texas, one on each franchise. I’d like Jaydon Blue to land on the Los Angeles Chargers where he can be an Alvin Kamara starter kit. And good luck to Isaiah Bond on the Edmonton Elks or in LIV football.

I hope Gunnar Helm gets to go back home to Colorado and that lifetime Longhorns Jake Majors, David Gbenda, and Hayden Conner all land with good organizations that value professionalism.

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Texas players will be thriving in the NFL for a long time, and Longhorn fans should enjoy it.

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