A gentle reminder: Screen your kids’ friends.

[LionJim]

I’m not going to go into why I’ve decided to post this, other than to say it involves a young person’s OD death. I’m very upset and angry.

As a parent you really need to do everything you can to recognize the riffraff and push your kids away from them. They can be nice to your kids and still be a terrible influence. I guess I’ve made my point. I personally no longer worry about getting the tragic phone call but can recognize that my family perhaps dodged a bullet. And the mother who did get the call this week, my heart breaks for her.

Have a good weekend.

 

[kgilbert78]

I have a buddy in SoCal. They turned their backyard (what there was of it--it was SoCal, after all) into an inground pool. They always knew where their kids were and got to meet all of their friends.

 

[Alphabets]

I’m not going to go into why I’ve decided to post this, other than to say it involves a young person’s OD death. I’m very upset and angry.

As a parent you really need to do everything you can to recognize the riffraff and push your kids away from them. They can be nice to your kids and still be a terrible influence. I guess I’ve made my point. I personally no longer worry about getting the tragic phone call but can recognize that my family perhaps dodged a bullet. And the mother who did get the call this week, my heart breaks for her.

Have a good weekend.

Scary times, for sure. I don't like to be an overprotective parent, but to say that things have changed a lot since we were kids is an understatement.

 

[TiogaLion]

Here's a quote that I would repeat to my children over and over until they started to understand. "You are who your friends are."

Like mentioned above, I turned my house into the hangout and therefore my rules applied. Those that I perceived as a bad influence got slowly weeded out by applying the house rules, which they didn't like. Sadly, most of the other parents loved that my place was the hangout so they didn't have to be involved. Of all the "bad influences" I identified while raising three children I can only think of one that turned out to be a fine young adult. The rest are total train wrecks.

 

[bbrown]

Here's a quote that I would repeat to my children over and over until they started to understand. "You are who your friends are."

Like mentioned above, I turned my house into the hangout and therefore my rules applied. Those that I perceived as a bad influence got slowly weeded out by applying the house rules, which they didn't like. Sadly, most of the other parents loved that my place was the hangout so they didn't have to be involved. Of all the "bad influences" I identified while raising three children I can only think of one that turned out to be a fine young adult. The rest are total train wrecks.

thats an excellent quote.

 

[HarrisburgDave]

I’m not going to go into why I’ve decided to post this, other than to say it involves a young person’s OD death. I’m very upset and angry.

As a parent you really need to do everything you can to recognize the riffraff and push your kids away from them. They can be nice to your kids and still be a terrible influence. I guess I’ve made my point. I personally no longer worry about getting the tragic phone call but can recognize that my family perhaps dodged a bullet. And the mother who did get the call this week, my heart breaks for her.

Have a good weekend.

My son started a band when he was 15. One of the boys was clearly on drugs. My son was kind to him and did his best to encourage the boy to get help. It never came. He was always welcome in my house, we knew he needed stability and caring and he got it here. Eventually he was out of the band and we lost touch.

My son and his friends wrote and played an incredible song about the experience. It was one of those times your kid does something that you did not expect him to be capable of doing. If I can find it I will post it.

Last month I got the call from my son. “David’s gone.” He would have been 30. He leaves behind a wife and child. He tried his best, but he finally lost his fight.

 

[HarrisburgDave]

thats an excellent quote.

I disagree. A person has character, or he doesn’t. Some are good examples, some are not. You can understand weakness in others and by example and action raise them up without tearing yourself down.

My wife and I did our best to help our children understand they had the choice to be examples for others who needed positive models. They followed our advice and make us proud. They spread that philosophy to others.

 

[Marshall2323]

Screen the parents of your children's friends.

 

[Midnighter]

Screen the parents of your children's friends.

This. We spent our vacation with my nieces (ages 6-12) and the older girls (entering 7th) live in a very nice area in Bucks Co. They are kind, smart, talented, compassionate, and very pretty. They are entering the gifted program this year and can’t wait because they talk about how awful the other kids are, how they brag about failing tests, are mean, and mostly that their parents don’t care. This isn’t Croydon or Bristol either; these are upper middle class types with nice homes. They just give two sh*ts about their kids’ grades. I don’t get it. These kids are dumb and mean in spades.

 

[PSU_Lions_84]

thats an excellent quote.

This old saying is still true: "Lie down with dogs - get up with fleas." (No dogs were harmed in the making of this saying.)

 

[Moogy]

These kids are dumb and mean in spades.

You're talking about 12-year-old kids you never met, nor do you have any first-hand knowledge of their "exploits," like this.

Yikes.

You're correct ... sometimes you should screen the parents.

 

[Moogy]

Yes, you definitely have to keep an eye on what's going on with your kids and who they're hanging with.

It's definitely much more of a nuanced situation than screening parents, however ... plenty of kids from rougher/less-privileged upbringings are of fine character and are good influences, and plenty of kids from "blessed" upbringings with the bestest parents turn out to be Satan's spawn (Eddie Haskell style, but more nefarious). Those latter situations often involve those parents attempting to blame everyone else when their kids inevitably get into trouble, and then they send them to fancy private schools to get away from the dastardly outside influences that put a black mark on his reputation ... and there, they become even bigger menaces. It's almost like the other kids weren't the problem, after all.

My older son had the chance to be part of the "sports crew," but I'm happy to say that he selected the "nerds," instead. Still gets along with the sports kids, and plays sports ... he just hangs with the kids who code, and have bright futures, for the majority of his time. He's a quiet, nice kid and he naturally gravitated toward the same. A lot of those sports kids have parents who are teachers and HS coaches ... and a bunch of those kids are the drugged out alcoholics who tend toward casual sexual assault at parties. And they can get away with acting like that.

The younger one gets along with absolutely everyone ... including the "bad kids" and he sees the good in them, too ... and helps them out ... he just knows enough not to get involved in their shenanigans. It helps that he's got natural leadership qualities and he's smarter than his teachers. He's got separate groups of friends - his sports buddies, who he gets along with and chats up all the time at activities and in school, but doesn't really "hang with" that much outside those things ... and "the Indians" - the super-smart kids from his class who all happen to be Pakistani/Indian and have crazy names I can't remember ... so I just shorthand it to "the Indians" when referencing them.

But there's plenty of trouble to get into if a kid wants to find it, or is rudderless enough to let it find him ... even in very well-to-do areas.

 

[A2nit]

Interesting thread and thoughts. Retrospectively, I have found parents I really like, spent great times with and their kid or kids are condescending POSs and have trashed multiple kids in their path.

 

[LB99]

Interesting thread and thoughts. Retrospectively, I have found parents I really like, spent great times with and their kid or kids are condescending POSs and have trashed multiple kids in their path.

This^. And their parents are either clueless or passively condone the behavior.

 

[BobPSU92]

As always, it all comes back to the fact that people suck. I can’t stand them.

 

[A2nit]

As always, it all comes back to the fact that people suck. I can’t stand them.

 

[A2nit]

Agree!

 

[Marshall2323]

As always, it all comes back to the fact that people suck. I can’t stand them.

We're surrounded by idiots.

 

[Marshall2323]

My advice from my experience as a parent and educator is be be diligent in holding your children accountable and be certain they understand the standards and expectations you have for them.When they fail, make them own it. Many working parents put their kids on the back burner...and when something happens they mask their guilt by pointing fingers at others. As a youngster, I excused myself from more than one sticky situation by declaring not me..my Dad would kill me!

Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to be a cool dad. Be adult enough to accept that bringing the hammer down won't be popular. It's an investment in your child's future.

 

[BobPSU92]

We're surrounded by idiots.

Exactly.

Wait.

 

[TiogaLion]

We're surrounded by idiots.

 

[wbcbus]

You're talking about 12-year-old kids you never met, nor do you have any first-hand knowledge of their "exploits," like this.

Yikes.

You're correct ... sometimes you should screen the parents.

My son is 12. I've coached his teams and seen many of the awful kids and their awful parents. Can I say it, since I've met them and have first-hand knowledge?

 

[taryn]

My advice from my experience as a parent and educator is be be diligent in holding your children accountable and be certain they understand the standards and expectations you have for them.When they fail, make them own it. Many working parents put their kids on the back burner...and when something happens they mask their guilt by pointing fingers at others. As a youngster, I excused myself from more than one sticky situation by declaring not me..my Dad would kill me!

Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to be a cool dad. Be adult enough to accept that bringing the hammer down won't be popular. It's an investment in your child's future.

 

[taryn]

Exactly.

Wait.

My advice from my experience as a parent and educator is be be diligent in holding your children accountable and be certain they understand the standards and expectations you have for them.When they fail, make them own it. Many working parents put their kids on the back burner...and when something happens they mask their guilt by pointing fingers at others. As a youngster, I excused myself from more than one sticky situation by declaring not me..my Dad would kill me!

Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to be a cool dad. Be adult enough to accept that bringing the hammer down won't be popular. It's an investment in your child's future.

 

[taryn]

My advice from my experience as a parent and educator is be be diligent in holding your children accountable and be certain they understand the standards and expectations you have for them.When they fail, make them own it. Many working parents put their kids on the back burner...and when something happens they mask their guilt by pointing fingers at others. As a youngster, I excused myself from more than one sticky situation by declaring not me..my Dad would kill me!

Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to be a cool dad. Be adult enough to accept that bringing the hammer down won't be popular. It's an investment in your child's future.

I grow up in the 50s and 60s and walked the line because my father always said, "if you ever mess up ,YOU BETTER HOPE THE COPS GET YOU BEFORE I DO!!!!

 

[CaseStudy]

Here's a quote that I would repeat to my children over and over until they started to understand. "You are who your friends are."

Interesting approach. If my parents had told me that when I was a kid I think it would have done more damage than good. My best friend through most of HS was a major FU in school and a heavy drug user (pot / acid /crank) but we had grown up together and had many common interests and played a lot of music together. I was mature enough to not participate in the drug scene although I certainly looked the part. I drank a little but I didn't smoke pot (I hated smoking anything) and never did any hard drugs, in part because I knew my parents trusted me to make good decisions even though I'm sure they didn't trust most of my friends. Eventually, my friend's behavior crossed the line from a legal perspective which really scared me into ending our friendship but that was a decision I made and overall, until that point the time I spent with this person had a positive impact during an important period of my life. That noted, I realize things have changed in terms of drug variety, toxicity and availability and one mistake could be fatal, so the risk is much higher today. I realize you have to do whatever it takes to protect your kids but empowerment should probably be a part of that process.

 

[laKavosiey-st lion]

I have a buddy in SoCal. They turned their backyard (what there was of it--it was SoCal, after all) into an inground pool. They always knew where their kids were and got to meet all of their friends.

Just yesterday moms told me she found a big bag of weed hidden in the fence line of our pool in Chicago (Summer ’13) right under our noses.
my message to 1 n 2 as they headed off to State was keep it natural. If it’s made in a work sink behind a Mexican car wash, just pass

 

[troutrus]

Over the years I’ve been amazed at how many folks are extremely concerned with “drug” use but will overlook the use of alcohol by their kids, almost to the level of acceptance.
Drugs are deadly for sure, but booze has disrupted more lives in my experience.

 

[Woodpecker]

As always, it all comes back to the fact that people suck. I can’t stand them.

 

[laKavosiey-st lion]

Over the years I’ve been amazed at how many folks are extremely concerned with “drug” use but will overlook the use of alcohol by their kids, almost to the level of acceptance.
Drugs are deadly for sure, but booze has disrupted more lives in my experience.

My kids went hard and are out in the world killing it. I think its an individual thing