Alright Pack, I’m in a predicament

[olblue]

What would you do in this situation?

Keep it off a sports message board for sure.

 

[benatmsu]

I'm available for hire. I can fill in at the one you choose not to attend.
Just give me a story or two I should commit to memory, or better yet, write a toast and/or speech.
Throw in a few buck extra and I'll even cry.
Also, will there be an open bar?

 

[onewoof]

Jet plane and two wives. Works for the elite. Both.

 

[DerHntr]

So much bad advice in this thread. If you know what's good for you, you'll be in your brother-in-law's wedding.

By far your worst take in an extremely long time.

 

[blacklistedbully]

Go to your friend's wedding, but pre-record a video on your wife's cell phone for your BIL, saying something nice. Your wife can play it for him.

If they are close enough in distance, perhaps you could go to your buddy's wedding, then get to your BIL's celebration where you can be with your wife and congratulate your BIL in person.

Another alternative to making a recording is to facetime your BIL real quick while you are away at the other wedding.

 

[thekimmer]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

If your friend asked first and you agreed to do it before your BIL's wedding date was chosen then the right thing is to honor that commitment. If you had not accepted either one by the time they were both known then I think you have to give your BIL first priority in consideration of your wife.

 

[patdog]

By far your worst take in an extremely long time.

I'm not saying it's right. It's not. But if he's not in his brother in law's wedding, his wife and his mother in law are never going to forget it and he's going to be paying for it for a long time. The real answer is he should tell both couples to take Mike Leach's advice and elope, then he can go to the Bulldogs baseball games that weekend.

 

[The Peeper]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

If when asked by BIL you didn't IMMEDIATELY tell him, "oh damn I'm sorry I'm already in my best friends wedding that day" then you are at fault here. You also need to immediately establish a "No Wedding Attending Policy" with your wife. Mine knows not to even ask anymore

 

[woozman]

My issue wasn't money. The MIL demanded that everyone else come to her house for every holiday. When my son turned two, I announced that the rest of his Christmases and holidays would be at home, and they could all join us or stay at home or whatever.

She didn't say anything, which shocked my BILs and they asked me how I did that and didn't start a fight. My in-laws had their first Christmas at home EVER the next year and were soooooo happy. To bring some context, all my nieces in my new family were teenagers and had never had Christmas morning at home.

Every year after that Christmas, the MIL bounced around from one family to the other and later told me in confidence that she should have been having her holidays like that already because everyone was so happy.

Moral of the story: Stand up to the in-laws when you need to. You might find others in your family members are waiting for someone to say something. I would also advise that you pick your battles, or you will become the family *******.

I have almost the exact same story. When our oldest was 2-3, I told my wife that Santa was coming to our house moving forward. My wife freaked out because we had always done Christmas morning at her parents house.

I told my MIL the new plan at Thanksgiving that year and she didn’t say anything, but I could tell she didn’t like it. It was an awkward moment for about 3-seconds and then my wife’s sister chimed in and said they were planning to do the same (their oldest was a little over 1) and was glad I had brought it up.

As far as the OP’s question - go with the first commitment. You have an out - “he asked first…”

@ClintonInHelen where you at? Multiple missed opportunities bruh…

 

[Boom Boom]

Go to your friend's wedding, but pre-record a video on your wife's cell phone for your BIL, saying something nice. Your wife can play it for him.

If they are close enough in distance, perhaps you could go to your buddy's wedding, then get to your BIL's celebration where you can be with your wife and congratulate your BIL in person.

Another alternative to making a recording is to facetime your BIL real quick while you are away at the other wedding.

^This is the answer. Honor the commitment to your bro before a courtesy pick from your bro-in-law. What your wife probably really cares about is experiencing that wedding with you, not that you're in the wedding party. Bust your a$$ back and forth across state lines if you have to, but be there for both as much as you can. Sorry dude, but that means missing out on most of the fun parts of your bros wedding to get back and be with your wife.

 

[dorndawg]

Any theoretical way to do both? And like even if you're in your homie's wedding, can you make it even to the reception of BIL?

 

[BingleCocktail]

So much bad advice in this thread. If you know what's good for you, you'll be in your brother-in-law's wedding.

truth. And if your best friend doesn’t get this, he’s got no business getting married either

 

[D4L]

Your friend's wedding. You made the commitment. Never back out of commitments. You just have to tell the brother-in-law you already have that date locked down.

 

[dawgnabit]

There's no way to make both. One's in MS, other in SC. Just to update the situation (can't believe this many people care but i appreciate all the advice), we are now looking into possibly doing one for rehearsal dinner just to be somewhat apart of one and then flying day of wedding to be at the other wedding. BIL did let me know he understands if I have to miss his wedding because I did tell him weeks ago after he asked me to be in his wedding that I would but that I already told my best friend I would be at his on this certain date. So he knew I already had a commitment and the date. But it's just a matter of how the in-laws feel about me not being there.

 

[sandwolf.sixpack]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

Your wife is wrong. You choose your best friend's wedding, because you already committed to that. And your BIL probably doesn't really give a **** whether you are in his wedding.

 

[L4MANDW]

Talk the BIL into a later or earlier time, rent one tux, save money! ’Course baseball season could come into play and a cancellation of both, especially if it’s Omaha Time.

 

[ckDOG]

Friend no doubt. Same thing happened to me with one of my best friends and my cousin who later asked me to be in his the same day. Was never an issue.

 

[horshack.sixpack]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

 

[johnson86-1]

Thanks for justifying it. For the record, my wife is awesome and supportive. She understands me going to my friends wedding. I just know it will cause a shitstorm with the in-laws. And an added piece that I believe helps my cause… when my BIL asked me to be a groomsman, I told him I would but that I was already in a wedding and told him the date of that wedding. So he knew I was already committed to my friends wedding

This is him telling you that he really doesn't care if you make his wedding or not. It might be that he's telling you he'd prefer you not be in it. Possibly it's him doing you a solid and giving you an out when he had two equally workable dates. But most likely you're just not a consideration and he isn't going to care at all that you have to miss his wedding to be in your friend's wedding.

Surely your inlaws aren't actually going to care that your a groomsman in your friend's wedding? Are they really that big of a nightmare?

 

[johnson86-1]

So much bad advice in this thread. If you know what's good for you, you'll be in your brother-in-law's wedding.

This seems like terrible advice. Leaving one of your best friends hanging because you're worried your wife or inlaws are going to be unreasonable? He's already said his wife isn't an unreasonable *****. If his inlaws are, the earlier you set boundaries, the better. Even if his wife was an unreasonable *****, you don't get ahead by rewarding that behavior. You either have to fix it or be miserable.

 

[vhdawg]

If the weddings are in the same town, this is a perfect setting for a madcap comedy romp trying to do both at the same time.

 

[tay tho]

Depending on the distance between the wedding locations, I'd say do the rehearsal dinner with your in-laws (since your mother in-law is likely planning it) then the next morning drive to your friend's wedding. Bonus points if you can make photos with the family.

 

[johnson86-1]

truth. And if your best friend doesn’t get this, he’s got no business getting married either

I feel like I am in LaLa land reading these type responses. I feel like this may be a decent explanation of why the divorce rate is so high.

Some of you should stand up to your wife if she acts like a spoiled brat. Yes, some of you may have a wife that is just at an unsalalvagable level of crazy, but more of you will probably find that your wife respects you more and acts less crazy if you actually stand up to her and act like the leader of your household.

 

[Cantdoitsal]

I don't begrudge men who take other people's weddings seriously but I've always hated going to them and did so mostly because my wife (and other women) DO take them seriously. You should just rely on Mike Leach for wedding info because IMO, he's got weddings summed up pretty well.

 

[BingleCocktail]

I feel like I am in LaLa land reading these type responses. I feel like this may be a decent explanation of why the divorce rate is so high.

Some of you should stand up to your wife if she acts like a spoiled brat. Yes, some of you may have a wife that is just at an unsalalvagable level of crazy, but more of you will probably find that your wife respects you more and acts less crazy if you actually stand up to her and act like the leader of your household.

let us know how that continues to work out for you

whether you like it or not, you marry the family, too

 

[PooPopsBaldHead]

Well, it would appears SPS has found its footing on the new platform. A bunch of grown men arguing about wedding decorum.

 

[GloryDawg]

You could tell your friend you have to go to your brother in law's wedding and tell you brother in law you have to go to your friends wedding and then just go hunting.

 

[johnson86-1]

let us know how that continues to work out for you

whether you like it or not, you marry the family, too

You only marry the family if you fail to set appropriate boundaries. They are a very important relationship, but just one of many relationships you have to manage that fall well below the relationship to your spouse and then kids in how important they are. And boundaries can be the difference between a functional and dysfunctional relationship. Luckily has been more or less irrelevant for my inlaws. They've been more important for my extended family.

And seriously, you should try holding your wife to a higher standard. That's not me being a smart ***. If you are worried about doing it on something "big" like telling her you are going to honor your friendship and your commitment to your friend over her family's unreasonable desire for you to break your commitment, try taking charge on smaller stuff and see how she reacts. Even on little things like telling her what you're having for dinner rather than asking what she wants, or making some weekend plans and telling her what they are. Don't do stuff that ignores her preferences (e.g., don't pick chinese if you know she hates it; probably don't start weekend plans with taking her to a strip club or hunting camp unless you have reason to believe she'll be into that) and don't knowingly create a scheduling conflict, but just pick something reasonable and tell her that's what you're doing on whatever weekend. You might be surprised how she reacts.

 

[BingleCocktail]

You only marry the family if you fail to set appropriate boundaries. They are a very important relationship, but just one of many relationships you have to manage that fall well below the relationship to your spouse and then kids in how important they are. And boundaries can be the difference between a functional and dysfunctional relationship. Luckily has been more or less irrelevant for my inlaws. They've been more important for my extended family.

And seriously, you should try holding your wife to a higher standard. That's not me being a smart ***. If you are worried about doing it on something "big" like telling her you are going to honor your friendship and your commitment to your friend over her family's unreasonable desire for you to break your commitment, try taking charge on smaller stuff and see how she reacts. Even on little things like telling her what you're having for dinner rather than asking what she wants, or making some weekend plans and telling her what they are. Don't do stuff that ignores her preferences (e.g., don't pick chinese if you know she hates it; probably don't start weekend plans with taking her to a strip club or hunting camp unless you have reason to believe she'll be into that) and don't knowingly create a scheduling conflict, but just pick something reasonable and tell her that's what you're doing on whatever weekend. You might be surprised how she reacts.

basics. All stuff that should have been discussed before the altar trip

 

[Cantdoitsal]

You could tell your friend you have to go to your brother in law's wedding and tell you brother in law you have to go to your friends wedding and then just go hunting.

Winner. Best advice yet.

 

[NukeDogg]

Go to whichever one has the better open bar. Can't believe a page and a half and nobody has said this.

 

[trob115]

Friend's wedding.

 

[LordMcBuckethead]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

I believe this should be an open conversation between you and brother and law. This exact same thing happened to me, except we had already purchased plane tickets to Virginia to attend a wedding, and my BIL got engaged and asked us exactly what we thought about the wedding date as a family discussion at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

My answer to him was, man we will absolutely be there except for the second weekend in March. We already bought plane tickets, tux, etc and I am in my buddies wedding. He was like cool. His fiance was like cool. Two weeks later he says they just put down a deposit on a venue for the Second Weekend in March......... I was like dude, that was the only weekend of the entire year we said we couldn't be there.

As the date approached, every damn family member was like..... you guys really need to show up for the Brother In Laws wedding. My answer was, he can give me $2,000 for the fllight and the hotel room we paid for already and I will be there...... Crickets.

The real compromise would be, you should go to your buddies wedding and your wife should go to her brothers. Apologize but just explain the situation.

 

[ClintonInHelen]

I’d hit it x 2…

 

[Dawgbite]

You marry the woman, you don't marry the family. I got a SIL that I clipped her wings pretty early in our marriage. She doesn't like me and I don't like her, it's no big secret. There's plenty of other people at family functions to talk to besides her. I haven't lost a minutes sleep over the fact that she probably hasn't spoken to me in five years and we are in the same room often.

 

[preacher_dawg]

You guys are all wrong (except for maybe one) and I'm honestly surprised. The answer obviously is to somehow get Mike Leach's advice. Does he have a call in show? If not, maybe through Twitter:https://twitter.com/Coach_Leach?t=XZOKB63u_R4ttw0CRhsG9Q&s=09

 

[Hot Rock]

So my college best friend from State has been engaged now for 4 months. I was obviously asked to be a groomsman right away. My brother in law, who I’m friends with but not super close to, just got engaged and chose the same date as my best friend. He also asked me to be a groomsman. My wife thinks I should be in her brothers wedding since that is family. Am I in the wrong for choosing my friends wedding? What would you do in this situation?

You already agreed to your friend. Be true yourself and tell your wife you will Not go back on your word. She will respect it, if she dies not, better to k ow who she is now.

 

[Puppychow]

Your best friend wants you in his wedding. He chose you. You’ll enjoy the other groomsmen who are probably friends of your’s. On the flip side, your BIL has made a slot for you in his wedding. You were not chosen. It’s family wedding etiquette. You will be the outsider to all his buddies.

 

[The Peeper]

let us know how that continues to work out for you

whether you like it or not, you marry the family, too

40 yrs w/ the same woman for me and I can count on 1 hand the weddings I've been to family or not. Sure I send gifts with well wishes and the wife goes to them but it was established early on that I wouldn't be attending. Weddings were created and the fire stoked for them by florists, venues, photographers, caterers, jewelry stores, etc. etc certainly not by the people in attendance

 

[ezsoil]

Yeah go to your friends wedding because they asked first. ..just lay down the law now to your wife....Set her straight for who runs stuff in your household.... this will come in handy down the road ************