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favorite coach speech, tongue lash, metaphors, similes etc

3000lbchicken

3000lbchicken

Active member
May 1, 2006
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one of my favorite jr high coaches was saltier than anyone....

coach: "Are you HURT, or are you INJURED?" [looks at trainer] "GET THIS ***** A TAMPON!" [looks back] "SUCK IT UP, SON!"</p>

I still laugh out loud at that one.</p>
 
3000lbchicken

3000lbchicken

Active member
May 1, 2006
1,946
413
83
one of my favorite jr high coaches was saltier than anyone....

coach: "Are you HURT, or are you INJURED?" [looks at trainer] "GET THIS ***** A TAMPON!" [looks back] "SUCK IT UP, SON!"</p>

I still laugh out loud at that one.</p>
 
J

jwbigcreek

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Feb 26, 2008
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balls, she'd be my uncle.

If he (opposing player) calls you a pie-eatin' SOB, you ask him what flavor.

Both from Coach Mike Justice (from his lowly days in a non-5A & non-Jones County job).
 
F

FlabLoser

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Aug 20, 2006
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ITS HOW WE PREPARE...

ok I am kidding. But I've never heard a coach do a ra-ra radio commercial.
 
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DerHntr

Well-known member
Sep 18, 2007
15,274
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you to stop chaising the hair around and be thinking about baseball" .... Coach Joe Graves.

/luckily we didn't listen to that nonsense.
 
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Todd4State

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Mar 3, 2008
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85% of the world works, and the other 15% are here booing us.- on Cubs fans booing his team in 1983.

I laugh every time becuase his numbers are so grossly exagerrated, and you can tell that he is serious.</p>
 
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SteelDawg99

Guest
I don't know what's wrong with you boy... If you don't get your head in the game and get it off of chasing around Sally Rottencrotch, we're going to keep getting our asses kicked out there...

What are you boys a bunch of st-st-stupids....

Rick Cahalane and Tommy Earl Clark</p>
 
jakldawg

jakldawg

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May 1, 2006
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B

Bob Sacamano.sixpack

Member
May 15, 2008
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Setting the stage: A line of atleast half the team doing a tackle drill on a one-man sled. Everyone was doing the exact same drill, so it wasn't extremely hard for the last person in line to know what to do. Well the last person in the line of about 25-30 got it wrong.

Coach: "What the hell are you doing son?"

Player: "Doing the drill coach."

Coach: "Son everyone in front of you has done it right and you are the only person the has <17>'ed it up. What is wrong with you?"

Player: "mumble, mumble,...."

Coach: "GD it son... Your attention span is as long as my dick, and that ain't very long."
 
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TheInsiderGA

New member
Mar 3, 2008
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Jackie Sherill post-game speech after LSU demolished us in his last year:

"For those of you that did not quit on me out there, I appreciate it. Schedule is the same for tomorrow."

That was it.
 
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dogfan96

Active member
Jun 3, 2007
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".....We just got our *** totally kicked. We couldn't do diddly-poo offensively. We couldn't make a first down. We couldn't run the ball, we didn't try to run the ball, we couldn't complete a pass, we sucked. The 2nd half we sucked. We couldn't stop the run, everytime they got the ball they went down and got points, we got our *** totally kicked in the 2nd half. It was a horsesh!t performance in the 2nd half. Horsesh!t."</p>
 
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dogfan96

Active member
Jun 3, 2007
2,188
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66
".....We just got our *** totally kicked. We couldn't do diddly-poo offensively. We couldn't make a first down. We couldn't run the ball, we didn't try to run the ball, we couldn't complete a pass, we sucked. The 2nd half we sucked. We couldn't stop the run, everytime they got the ball they went down and got points, we got our *** totally kicked in the 2nd half. It was a horsesh!t performance in the 2nd half. Horsesh!t."</p>
 
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saddawg

New member
Jun 25, 2006
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A HS asst football coach of mine said before a game.... straight out of Necessary Roughness....

" After this game, I want those bastards in the other locker room to look like ya'll just F--Ked their girlfriend and shot their
F--King dog. Now come on in and let's get our prayer." Funny, funny ****.
 
FQDawg

FQDawg

Well-known member
May 1, 2006
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Not quite in the same vein as everyone's "motivational" posts, but I always enjoyed Jackie's press conferences when he gave injury reports by using the player's number and body part... 85's got a knee.
 
R

ram124

New member
Oct 10, 2007
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Our HS soccer coach was one who never really gave speeches before/after/during games, but for some reason one night before a game against Clinton he decided to. I can't remember the first bit of it, something about taking care of business yadayada...Clinton's not going to go easy on you yadayada...then he finished with..."NOW TAPE UP YOUR PUSSIES AND PLAY!"</p>
 
K

KingBarkus

Member
May 1, 2006
1,142
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Todd4State said:
85% of the world works, and the other 15% are here booing us.- on Cubs fans booing his team in 1983.


I laugh every time becuase his numbers are so grossly exagerrated, and you can tell that he is serious.</p>
Click to expand...

</p>

It's a playground for the ...! Rip them meffers, rip them country bleeps

Oh man, do he go off or what? If you're a Cub-hater like myself, funny stuff.
 
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BuyGuyatooth

New member
Mar 3, 2008
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jwbigcreek said:
balls, she'd be my uncle.

If he (opposing player) calls you a pie-eatin' SOB, you ask him what flavor.

Both from Coach Mike Justice (from his lowly days in a non-5A & non-Jones County job).
Click to expand...

You must be pushing forty and from Calhoun County</p>
 
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DeaconBeau

New member
Mar 3, 2008
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In dec. years ago. Our coach got pissed at one player and said " Son you better F-King go home and write Santa a letter to put some F-King nuts in your sack this year cause your getting beat like a p-y all over this field" The whole team just busted out laughing. Funny stuff
 
beachbumdawg

beachbumdawg

Active member
Nov 28, 2006
2,662
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Basketball practice one day: (practicing for our upcoming game against a team that ran full court man press)

one of the guards kept screwing up the inbounds play......
Coach: Son arent you a Straight A student?
Guard: Yes sir
Coach: **** coulda fooled me....now get your **** together and get it right

No sooner had he blown the whistle to start the play again, the guard did the same thing.........so he stops practice again
Coach: GD son I thought you said you were a A student
Guard: (shakes head in disappointment)
Coach: You cant be, I teach retarded kids (Coach was also the SPED Teacher) that are smarter than your dumb a$$....now get your a$$ on the bench</p>
 
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OMlawdog

New member
Feb 27, 2008
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told me to "Guard him so hard and be up in his face all game, so by the end of the game he wants to kill you"

By the way, I was guarding Long Beach Guard, Marcus Bullard.
 
S

Spotdawg

Member
Feb 15, 2007
608
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About 2 or 3 years ago, I went to the Kroger on 51 in Madison. It was Sunday after church at about 11am....we were grabbing burgers and buns and I passed the custom meat counter.....and all of a sudden I heard " you have any Chicago style grill steak?"

I laughed out loud. I didn't even have to look....I could tell from the tone of the question (just like the Indy press conference) that it was Jim Mora. Sure enough, there he stood with the woman that he was dating and "visiting" at the time. The butcher caught my laugh, but the always too serious Mora just stood there and said the same thing slower and louder...so that the "slow " help could understand.

Damn, he was loud.
 
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