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How does your job relate to the "The Office"?...

dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2003
37,268
11,993
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Surely we all have stories how The Office is like where you work. Here is one of mine...

One of my co-workers comes to get me to go to the bathroom. I say WTF and he says you have to come. I walk in to our bathroom and an older gentleman is taking a crap.. He is passed out snoring with his pants around his ankles sitting on the *******. He was in the handicapped stall and apparently was resting on the bars that are there. I would have to say the guy was around early 60's.
 
dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2003
37,268
11,993
113
Surely we all have stories how The Office is like where you work. Here is one of mine...

One of my co-workers comes to get me to go to the bathroom. I say WTF and he says you have to come. I walk in to our bathroom and an older gentleman is taking a crap.. He is passed out snoring with his pants around his ankles sitting on the *******. He was in the handicapped stall and apparently was resting on the bars that are there. I would have to say the guy was around early 60's.
 
dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2003
37,268
11,993
113
Surely we all have stories how The Office is like where you work. Here is one of mine...

One of my co-workers comes to get me to go to the bathroom. I say WTF and he says you have to come. I walk in to our bathroom and an older gentleman is taking a crap.. He is passed out snoring with his pants around his ankles sitting on the *******. He was in the handicapped stall and apparently was resting on the bars that are there. I would have to say the guy was around early 60's.
 
dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2003
37,268
11,993
113
Surely we all have stories how The Office is like where you work. Here is one of mine...

One of my co-workers comes to get me to go to the bathroom. I say WTF and he says you have to come. I walk in to our bathroom and an older gentleman is taking a crap.. He is passed out snoring with his pants around his ankles sitting on the *******. He was in the handicapped stall and apparently was resting on the bars that are there. I would have to say the guy was around early 60's.
 
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DogStuckAtUM.sixpack

New member
Feb 15, 2007
1,719
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Like Angela with her "babies dressed as adults" posters, I have a chick a few cubes down with Lord of the Ring figurines and photos of Bilbo Baggins tacked up. Very creepy.

To make it sports related, with my arrival to this office, the conference supremacy has tilted back in favor of the SEC over the ACC, 4 alums to 3.
 
I

Ivehadbetter

New member
Oct 18, 2007
637
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0
has a Dwight:

Always brown nosing, always first to volunteer for everything, trying to be the deputy, etc.
 
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qbdog

New member
Apr 30, 2008
181
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0
Or a Ryan....a douchebag that nobody likes but is moving up in the Company because your boss can't see through the ********.
 
D

DerHntr

Well-known member
Sep 18, 2007
15,274
1,270
113
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">Gotta set the stage first: I used to work at a corporate office for a large company on the MS gulf coast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> There were about 100 people in our building.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> All of the execs were down on one end of the building and the rest of us were in cubeville.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> I managed the cash flow for the company along with another analyst.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

I was walking down to my colossal ******* boss's office with my coworker to get a signature so that we could transfer a bunch of money for an overnight investment account.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> The cutoff time was 2 PM and it was 1:55 so we had to get the signature right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> We walked out of cubeville, past the bathrooms, and down the hall towards his office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

Just as we got to his door he came flying out of there like he had just gotten caught rubbing one off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> We stopped him and told him he needed to look over the documents, sign them, and then give us the code to make the transfer online with the bank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> So he is standing there squirming around, doing a little dance if I may, and all the while trying to look over our work closely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> It was a lot of damn money and a screw up would likely get one of us fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

Then all of the sudden, he looks up, we hear a muffled sound that is what I would describe as a rabbit hiding under a pillow and being run over by a car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> He groans a bit and then says the following: "Oh dear…I just **** all over myself."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> And then BOOOOM…I was hit right in the face with a massive **** glove.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> This joker had been eating something rather foul. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It smelled like rotting baby seals covered in 25 gallons of elephant piss baking in 110 degree summer sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> I nearly threw up on him as he scurried by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

He made it past the bathroom and headed straight for his car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> My coworker and I went back to cubeville without a signature and acting like two 180 lb eight year olds set free in a donut shop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span> It was a great day.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"></p>

Then to top it off….he lived in Slidell, LA and had to drive 45 minutes all the way to the house with a pant leg full of ****! I was told to promise to never tell anyone at the office about it. Of course everyone knew within about 3 1/2 hours.</p>
 
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TEXDawg

New member
Nov 19, 2007
3
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0
Well, our "Dwight" is a close, personal friend of the owner of our company. He likes to walk around all of the offices around 4:55 just to say hello. He carries a little memo pad with him always. i know he is keeping tabs on what we do. douche
 
C

cowbell9

New member
Nov 15, 2005
3,887
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told my a customer was demanding to see me. I went out in the lobby area to find an 80 year old man about to stroke out he was so mad. When I asked him what the problem was he said " You toilets are not acceptable". I inquired as to what he meant. Clogged up? Doesnt flush? Too loud? What?. He said "No, no, no... the water in them is too cold!" I drew a blank...for a second. Then it hit me. His old saggy *** nuts had dropped into the water when he sat to take a ****. After biteing a hole in my lip to keep from laughing my *** off....I refunded his $$$$$.
 
dawgstudent

dawgstudent

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2003
37,268
11,993
113
There is a secretary for another department. She is mid 40's. She has a myspace page. One morning, she "blogged" on her myspace page that while she was naked and getting dressed, her dog came up and licked her cooter. She then proceeded to say she liked it.
 
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AdamDawgDude

Member
May 28, 2007
335
14
13
I work at a bank and it seems that the key to having a long career is 'working late'. It doesn't really matter if you sit at your desk and do **** all day (or don't come in until 1:00), but if you work late, you're golden. Also, taking a half-day doesn't count against any of your vactation time....

I work for one of the top brokerage groups of a bank and answer to the head of the group. I also have a manager for my position and everyone else who is an investment associate or investment officer. My manager didn't go to college and worked in the credit card department for almost 20 years. I'm not sure how that qualifies her for anything, but she is never at work. On top of having 5 weeks of vacation and 10 yearly bank holidays, she probably takes 30 half-days a year. It's truely retarded, but she does work late.
 
8

8dog

Well-known member
Feb 23, 2008
12,629
3,659
113
That is so trueits insane. Where I work, we have a guy who strolls in at 9 but works until 6-6:30 but he thinks he's working harder than the guy that rolls in at 7:30-8 and leaves at 5. Its a joke.
 
T

TR.sixpack

New member
Feb 14, 2008
3,268
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Imagine the Stamford branch without the Call of Duty team building sessions.

 
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MadDawg.sixpack

New member
May 22, 2006
3,358
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well, except maybe the camera crew that follows me and my coworkers around and constantly asks for interviews about what is going on around the office and in our private lives. So, no, not much.
 
H

Hector.sixpack

New member
May 1, 2006
651
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0
The office space that me and several others used to be in was more of a breakroom with desks and it had one large closet that my boss used as his office. In his office was a fridge that all of us used. It's a laid back place, so going in and out of his office and getting something out of the fridge was no big deal- unless he was meeting with someone. It was a few summers ago and I had put a snickers that I had gotten out of the vending machine into the fridge so the chocolate wouldn't be so messy at breaktime. Well, it was getting close to breaktime and this vendor who weighed about 400 lbs. came to visit my boss. As they start heading back to his office I yell "Oh crap, I've got to get my snickers"- giving the large vendor a wrong impression.</p>
 
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AdamDawgDude

Member
May 28, 2007
335
14
13
The ole 'bankers hours' joke....

Unfortunately, that just applies to tellers and such. I'm here pretty much all of the time (which leads to me being on this message board all of the time). We have a million old people as customers that like to go on and on about their bad hip, horrible kids, or how things are not like they used to be. It's helpful to lean the phone on my shoulder and check out what's going on around campus during these lectures.
 
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TEXDawg

New member
Nov 19, 2007
3
0
0
I have several female employees with cat screen savers, and one has a cat calendar. kinda sad
 
FQDawg

FQDawg

Well-known member
May 1, 2006
3,075
618
113
The parking lot to my building actually has two gates. I ended up working late (like 8:30 or 9:00) a few weeks back and when I went to the parking lot to leave the main gate was already chained closed with a padlock. So, I drove around the building to where I knew the other gate was, but it was closed, too. No one was in the guard house and the gate (on wheels) didn't appear to have a sensor since I sat there and it didn't magically open.

I drove back to the main lot looking for the guard but without any luck. I went back into the building thinking maybe the guard was doing rounds, but without any luck. So, I went back to my car, drove around the lot again looking for the guard.

I tried calling my boss, but she actually works in Baton Rouge and wasn't familiar with my building. I called some co-workers who work in my same building and none of them had ever not seen a guard in the guard house, so weren't sure how to get out either.

Long story short, I was stuck in the lot for about 90 minutes until I finally found the guard to let me out. The worst part is, apparently the auxillary gate does have a sensor on it, but it's old and you have to basically drive up to within inches of it to trigger it.
 
Shmuley

Shmuley

Well-known member
Mar 6, 2008
22,676
6,520
113
Her cubicle is a shrine to her dead dogs ... including a 20X30 retouched canvas of them dressed as prom dates - top hat, cane, boa, tiara. Oh, the photo is a Marion Silber. I **** you not.</p>
 
DawgatAuburn

DawgatAuburn

Well-known member
Apr 25, 2006
10,687
1,059
113
I'm gonna need a picture of that to believe it. Snap it with your cell when she goes to lunch.
 
SwampDawg

SwampDawg

Active member
Feb 24, 2008
2,173
104
63
I was on a special project that required us to work from very early to very late, including Saturdays and at least a half day Sunday. "Early" was not a problem during the week, but on Saturdays and Sundays only one door was supposed to be open, and quite often the guard would be making rounds, taking a dump, or whatever. So we would have about fifty people, salaried no overtime pay, standing in the cold waiting to get in. Pretty good morale buster.
 
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Badon

Member
Jun 12, 2006
573
74
28
I'm in an office building with about 35 different "tenants" in it (mostly corporations). A very well known defense firm had a manager across the hall from me. He (married) and his secretary (also married) had an ongoing Monica Lewinksi/Bill Clinton type of relationship. Some clean-up rags being found by someone else was the deathnail.

Both ended up fired.</p>
 
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DerHntr

Well-known member
Sep 18, 2007
15,274
1,270
113
i am hesitant to post because it may look like i am making this **** up but i worked in bizaro world for a while.

I had a 27 year old chunky chick working in the cube next to me for about 6 months. She was always showing up to work with shirts too low, skirts too high, and displaying the bullseye on her back. I couldn't understand why since she was married to some reeeeel niiiice yokel from the Kiln. Her grandma had given them a house and some land so they were doing fairly well at a rather young age.

One day she started a long argument with the husband while still at her desk. They went back and forth for a while and I was trying my best to disregard it until the 17s and mother17s started flying all over the place. Before it was all over, there were 3 people standing in my little *** cube listening to the drama.

Her silly *** husband had gotten caught cheating because he was too dumb to think to delete the sex texts with his mistress. So she had been writing them down while he was sleeping on the couch the day before and didn't confront him til she got to work for some damn reason.

You might say well this story is going nowhere new real fast...but you are wrong. The next thing we know she is yelling at the top of her lungs "I don't give a 17 that she seduced you! A 17ing fourteen year old girl has no business 17ing you in OUR bed! I want your **** out of my house before I get home you pedofile mother17er."

So she divorced him, screwed my **** pants boss a couple of times, the director of another department a few times and then got fired for stealing some **** late at night. Good times.
 
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MadDawg.sixpack

New member
May 22, 2006
3,358
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Too bad for that guys he didn't have some menial job like say, I don't know, President of the United States of America. Then he could have kept his job, even if he had lied about the affair under oath to a grand jury.
 
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