How does your job relate to the "The Office"?...
- Thread starter dawgstudent
- Start date
just a couple:
-my manager calls pizza " 'za ". as in, "we are gonna order some 'za for lunch today, so if everyone could stay in and work thru their lunch hour, that'd be great."
-we have a guy that constantly says 'thats what she said'. i have yet to hear him say it at a time that actually makes sense. its now become comical because he isnt doing it at wrong times to be funny...he is actually trying to make it apply. as in "hey, can you hand me that stapler?" ..."thatswhatshesaid!"
-my manager calls pizza " 'za ". as in, "we are gonna order some 'za for lunch today, so if everyone could stay in and work thru their lunch hour, that'd be great."
-we have a guy that constantly says 'thats what she said'. i have yet to hear him say it at a time that actually makes sense. its now become comical because he isnt doing it at wrong times to be funny...he is actually trying to make it apply. as in "hey, can you hand me that stapler?" ..."thatswhatshesaid!"
I normally have pretty good message board manners. No callout intended. I was just in disbelief that a human would have so little in life that she would live through her dogs, but now I see it. Very nice.
I work in what I would describe as pretty open cubicles.
We've got bosses that won't come tell you when they have a problem with something, but will rather tell a coworker to come tell you. We used to have blue jean Fridays (gone because some big wigs saw some people wearing inappropriate shirts with their jeans one Friday) and one time a guy wore flip flops. His boss tells a co-worker from another team to tell him he couldn't do that anymore. Our bosses also like to pit people against each other and play games like that.
We've got guys that cuss and yell at their significant others on the phone in cubeville. One guy will slam the phone so hard you can hear it clear across the big open room our cubicles are in. We've got the guy that will say whatever comes to his mind in a loud voice in the middle of everyone, and it's usually pretty funny. He is usually pretty quiet but everyone once in a while he busts out a gem. When that guy called a company to complain about something one day, I huddled down at my supervisors desk laughing at the exchange.
We've got the practical jokes guy. He'll turn up someone's computer speakers so when they log on in the morning everyone hears it. He'll put tape on someone's mouse so the curser won't move, stuff like that. We had a group that used to decorate cubicles for birthdays. They wrapped everything on one workers desk in foil one time.
I don't have any stories as funny as derhuntr, but our office is pretty typical Office Space, The Office, Dilbert.</p>
We've got bosses that won't come tell you when they have a problem with something, but will rather tell a coworker to come tell you. We used to have blue jean Fridays (gone because some big wigs saw some people wearing inappropriate shirts with their jeans one Friday) and one time a guy wore flip flops. His boss tells a co-worker from another team to tell him he couldn't do that anymore. Our bosses also like to pit people against each other and play games like that.
We've got guys that cuss and yell at their significant others on the phone in cubeville. One guy will slam the phone so hard you can hear it clear across the big open room our cubicles are in. We've got the guy that will say whatever comes to his mind in a loud voice in the middle of everyone, and it's usually pretty funny. He is usually pretty quiet but everyone once in a while he busts out a gem. When that guy called a company to complain about something one day, I huddled down at my supervisors desk laughing at the exchange.
We've got the practical jokes guy. He'll turn up someone's computer speakers so when they log on in the morning everyone hears it. He'll put tape on someone's mouse so the curser won't move, stuff like that. We had a group that used to decorate cubicles for birthdays. They wrapped everything on one workers desk in foil one time.
I don't have any stories as funny as derhuntr, but our office is pretty typical Office Space, The Office, Dilbert.</p>
"we hear a muffled sound that is what I would describe as a rabbit hiding under a pillow and being run over by a car"
That is quite possibly the funniest description I've read or heard in my entire life. Excellent work.
That is quite possibly the funniest description I've read or heard in my entire life. Excellent work.
Wow, that's bad. At least when Michael uses it on The Office he uses it appropriately - just not at appropriate times. Like during a meeting with the corporate big wigs discussing improper conduct in the office.
I asked a woman at the copy machine Monday how her day was going. Granted I don't know the woman, I was just being nice. Her response: "Fine, except I'm still worried my exboyfriend is going to kill me and that no one would find my body for days." I laugh thinking she is joking. She then says, "I know he's been in my house while I'm away. I told the woman that I carpool with that if anything happens to me that I won't her to get all my stuff."
My boss has a scheduled affair every year with the woman that works with us. She's not bad looking for her age and this guy is pretty much only married because the old people (our clients) like to see pictures of his wife and kids. The first two years that I worked for him, she was on vacation the same week that he went on his 'guys vacation' (gay-cation). So, we joked around the office that they were secretly meeting up because his wife would not be with him.
The third year, guys' week rolls around and she is in Italy and has been for about 2 and a half weeks. So, we felt like that shot a hole in our little inside joke. Damn if she didn't get home from Italy that weekend and take another surprise week of vacation. We were pleasantly surprised with that news....
Not long ago, he had his same yearly vacation and, you guessed it, she is visiting 'friends' in Arizona.
The third year, guys' week rolls around and she is in Italy and has been for about 2 and a half weeks. So, we felt like that shot a hole in our little inside joke. Damn if she didn't get home from Italy that weekend and take another surprise week of vacation. We were pleasantly surprised with that news....
Not long ago, he had his same yearly vacation and, you guessed it, she is visiting 'friends' in Arizona.
J
JimHalpert.nafoom
Guest
I can't count on two hands the number of things he's said to females that could get the company sued. He is basically the sole reason for our high turnover.
There's a woman in the cubicle next to me that eats a snack at 3:00 P.M. on the nose everyday. It sounds like she is eating glass because whatever it is is so crunchy and she eats for like half an hour. Recently she has taken to some kind of candy or either she's giving head to someone for half an hour cause you can hear sucking and slurping for that long. Not only is the disgusting noise annoying, it's the fact that she starts at exactly 3PM everyday like her stomach is set to an alarm clock. This is when I put my headphones on now everyday and crank up my itunes.
I started my first 'real' job 7 months ago, but I've already discovered the strange world of working in an office.
The guy in the cubicle next to mine is mid-40s and a legit 6'9. He still lives with his parents and wears the same clothes and has the same hair cut he had when he started here in 1983. He is an absolute oddity. He is notoriously known for picking up hookers around Jackson, and on occasion going to Memphis to do so. We know all of this because he shares these stories with us. My favorite story of him and a hooker begins with 'Mike' picking up a prostitute and taking her to a hotel. He tells her to sit on the bed while he goes to the bathroom. He comes back out fully nude and says 'are you ready for the buffet?' Another good one involves him and two hookers. He sat down on the bed with them and when they started to touch him he grabbed them up and pushed them out of the room and slammed the door. Bizzare.</p>
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The guy in the cubicle next to mine is mid-40s and a legit 6'9. He still lives with his parents and wears the same clothes and has the same hair cut he had when he started here in 1983. He is an absolute oddity. He is notoriously known for picking up hookers around Jackson, and on occasion going to Memphis to do so. We know all of this because he shares these stories with us. My favorite story of him and a hooker begins with 'Mike' picking up a prostitute and taking her to a hotel. He tells her to sit on the bed while he goes to the bathroom. He comes back out fully nude and says 'are you ready for the buffet?' Another good one involves him and two hookers. He sat down on the bed with them and when they started to touch him he grabbed them up and pushed them out of the room and slammed the door. Bizzare.</p>
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I have a couple of Angelas and one Kelli in my office.
We have a mid-20s chick in my office that talks, acts, and mannerisms are very similar to Kelli. However, she looks similar to the blonde chick on Scrubs...acts like her too. Anyway, she is always talking about american idol, Justin Timberlake, and has the attention span of a gnat.
Then we have a couple of Angelas who are super anal and keep their cube super clean and follow every rule to the letter. They hate the Kelli and gossip about Kelli 24/7. Which Kelli gives them plenty to gossip about as she wrecks cars, gets s*it faced druck at any after hours event and <17>s anyone (females included) that has a pulse.
Anyway, one of the Angelas left on a month long assignment. So, the Friday before the Monday that Angela is to come back, the Kelli is also out "sick". So, as a welcome back to the Angela, we switch all the items in Kelli cube with Angela's cube. Angela comes in about her usually time (6am) and finds her welcome back. I get there promptly at 8 and all of Kelli's stuff is in the cube asiles and Angela has retrieved all her things and replaced them neatly. Luckily, Kelli doesn't show up until 830-9 usually. So, we just throw all Kelli's stuff in the floor of her cube. It pisses her off so bad, we didn't hear about American Idol or Timberlake for a few days.
We have a mid-20s chick in my office that talks, acts, and mannerisms are very similar to Kelli. However, she looks similar to the blonde chick on Scrubs...acts like her too. Anyway, she is always talking about american idol, Justin Timberlake, and has the attention span of a gnat.
Then we have a couple of Angelas who are super anal and keep their cube super clean and follow every rule to the letter. They hate the Kelli and gossip about Kelli 24/7. Which Kelli gives them plenty to gossip about as she wrecks cars, gets s*it faced druck at any after hours event and <17>s anyone (females included) that has a pulse.
Anyway, one of the Angelas left on a month long assignment. So, the Friday before the Monday that Angela is to come back, the Kelli is also out "sick". So, as a welcome back to the Angela, we switch all the items in Kelli cube with Angela's cube. Angela comes in about her usually time (6am) and finds her welcome back. I get there promptly at 8 and all of Kelli's stuff is in the cube asiles and Angela has retrieved all her things and replaced them neatly. Luckily, Kelli doesn't show up until 830-9 usually. So, we just throw all Kelli's stuff in the floor of her cube. It pisses her off so bad, we didn't hear about American Idol or Timberlake for a few days.
We played a prank similar to the joke Jim played on Dwight pretending it was Friday on a Thrusday.
We had a meeting in which everyone was told where to be and what time the next day. We were working in Batesville, AR. Anyway, after the meeting, in which Batesville is mentioned every other word, Kelli ask for directions to Batesville. We give her directions to Brinkley and talk about Brinkley the rest of the day. The next morning Kelli isn't there. She calls about 15 minutes after the meeting time. She wants to know where everyone is. She starts describing buildings and signs where she is. She drove to Brinkley. You would think a road sign would tip some people off but not her. Needless to say, we laughed our asses off.
We had a meeting in which everyone was told where to be and what time the next day. We were working in Batesville, AR. Anyway, after the meeting, in which Batesville is mentioned every other word, Kelli ask for directions to Batesville. We give her directions to Brinkley and talk about Brinkley the rest of the day. The next morning Kelli isn't there. She calls about 15 minutes after the meeting time. She wants to know where everyone is. She starts describing buildings and signs where she is. She drove to Brinkley. You would think a road sign would tip some people off but not her. Needless to say, we laughed our asses off.
I used to work in an office and had an Angela. She had Elvis stuff everywhere; posters, dolls, screensaver, even a friggin license plate on her car declaring her love for the king. The kicker to the whole obsession was that she was my age, and I'm only 26, born a good 5 years after Elvis died. And yes, she was one of those who questioned Elvis' "death". Weird.
And in the job I had before my current job was working in a credit union. The lady at the front desk was the sorriest worker I've ever seen. Her routine was to show up 30 minutes to 2 hours late, log in on her computer, go fix herself some coffee, read her non-work related emails, talk on her cell phone (which rang 47,000 times a day), then say she had to go home and get something and would be back in a minute (she lived like 2 minutes away), come back 45 minutes later, read some more non-work related emails, talk on her cell phone some more, then go to lunch for an hour and a half, or for 2 hours, or for 2 and a half hours, come back, talk on her phone some more, scurry around pretending to be productive, and then call it a day 30 minutes early. And she talked non stop and had the attention span of a fruitfly with ADD. I have no idea how she kept her job; she had to have had pictures of the powers that be doing things with animals or something.
This same woman also had the full array of excuses. Let's see, her excuses was that she had a headache (a.k.a. a hangover), she overslept, her tire was flat (it was "flat" for five days in a row, including the weekend), her hot water heater leaked and flooded the laundry room (this "happened" on three different occasions over a few months), her kids missed the school bus, her kids were "sick", and her boyfriend had come over her house just before she was going to leave and she couldn't leave right then (I presume they were gettin' it on). She always had a sob story.</p>
And in the job I had before my current job was working in a credit union. The lady at the front desk was the sorriest worker I've ever seen. Her routine was to show up 30 minutes to 2 hours late, log in on her computer, go fix herself some coffee, read her non-work related emails, talk on her cell phone (which rang 47,000 times a day), then say she had to go home and get something and would be back in a minute (she lived like 2 minutes away), come back 45 minutes later, read some more non-work related emails, talk on her cell phone some more, then go to lunch for an hour and a half, or for 2 hours, or for 2 and a half hours, come back, talk on her phone some more, scurry around pretending to be productive, and then call it a day 30 minutes early. And she talked non stop and had the attention span of a fruitfly with ADD. I have no idea how she kept her job; she had to have had pictures of the powers that be doing things with animals or something.
This same woman also had the full array of excuses. Let's see, her excuses was that she had a headache (a.k.a. a hangover), she overslept, her tire was flat (it was "flat" for five days in a row, including the weekend), her hot water heater leaked and flooded the laundry room (this "happened" on three different occasions over a few months), her kids missed the school bus, her kids were "sick", and her boyfriend had come over her house just before she was going to leave and she couldn't leave right then (I presume they were gettin' it on). She always had a sob story.</p>
i hate that kind of crap too. we had a guy that clipped his fugging finger nails every monday morning at 9 AM sharp. i don't know what he was eating but it must have been stocked full of protein. it sounded like he was chopping wood in there. he would make this neat little pile of clippings and often left them by his keyboard for a couple of days. i get grossed out a bit when people do personal hygiene at the desk.
A grad student was seen doing her Monica impression on a faculty member on in storage/research area of their building back in 99 or so. People, including staff in other departments know about it. Because there was no pictures or physical evidence, the grad student / faculty were consenting adults, etc., it turned into a he said / she said thing & the prof got nothing but a warning. The grad student got her Masters, the faculty member is now a fully tenured professor on campus.
Michael: "Yes. I am trying to lure kids to our table, but these kids are wary of being lured.... Thanks Dateline."</p>
running the service department...It's a bad combo of Office Space and King of Cars...Our owner/GM is beyond measure the most arrogant bastard I have ever met, in addition to being bipolar and schizophrenic. Add to that: his new wife was one of the sales people, who he started banging while she was married to another sales person. She kicks soon-to-be ex-hubby out of the house, and he stays with the boss until he moves to Florida, during which time the boss is nailing soon-to-be ex-wife. This chick is the biggest gold-digger that I have ever seen in my life and the boss is her 6th marriage (his 4th). The whole reason she left #5? He lost his 6-figure job and had to come to work at our dealership. The boss, who likes to tout his business acumen ("this ain't my first rodeo" every time anyone questions a business decision), has run his previous 5 businesses directly into the ground, and the IRS calls twice a week. This one ain't gonna last long, and I need a new job stat!
Michael:
All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck.
All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck.
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