Idaho University killings......

[johnson86-1]

And mostly from the paternal side.

??? You serious clark?

What percentage of men do you think abandon their family versus get kicked out of the family by the mom and the courts?

Mostly bad parenting is locked in by behavior prior to the pregnancy. You have an irresponsible male and female that 17 around and unfortunately it's the kid that finds out. I'd suspect most of the bad parenting is pretty evenly split, except society doesn't tell fathers that it's normal and ok for men to abandon their families and children. But women are not treated like the monsters they are acting like when they blow up the family and fight to have their father on an every other weekend schedule because they're "unhappy."

 

[jethreauxdawg]

except society doesn't tell fathers that it's normal and ok for men to abandon their families and children. But women are not treated like the monsters they are acting like when they blow up the family and fight to have their father on an every other weekend schedule because they're "unhappy."

I see a lot of evidence to the contrary for part 1. I agree with part 2

 

[johnson86-1]

I see a lot of evidence to the contrary for part 1. I agree with part 2

Well, the dysfunctional parts of our society that don't put any expectations on fathers also don't really put any expectations on mothers other than I guess to not let the children starve.

 

[Boom Boom]

??? You serious clark?

What percentage of men do you think abandon their family versus get kicked out of the family by the mom and the courts?

Mostly bad parenting is locked in by behavior prior to the pregnancy. You have an irresponsible male and female that 17 around and unfortunately it's the kid that finds out. I'd suspect most of the bad parenting is pretty evenly split, except society doesn't tell fathers that it's normal and ok for men to abandon their families and children. But women are not treated like the monsters they are acting like when they blow up the family and fight to have their father on an every other weekend schedule because they're "unhappy."

I mean, you're not wrong, but what else do you propose? Mandate that unhappy couples stay together?

 

[turkish]

I mean, you're not wrong, but what else do you propose? Mandate that unhappy couples stay together?

Just a little foresight and responsibility would go a loonnng way.

 

[johnson86-1]

I mean, you're not wrong, but what else do you propose? Mandate that unhappy couples stay together?

Joint physical and legal custody should be the default and a parent arguing for something different should have to overcome a very strong presumption in its favor. It's barbaric to essentially remove one parent from the child's life by default whenever one of the parents is unhappy. It's disturbing how many seemingly non-evil people see nothing wrong with it.

 

[dog12]

Is it nature or nurture? Can a sociopath even be fixed by mental health and/or a more nurturing society? Bottom line is it's a very complicated issue that's gonna be solved by everyone starting to BE (not act) genuinely moral, compassionate human beings....and that's a tall d@mn order that I just can't see coming to fruition.

Good question.

IMO, it's a small part nature and a large part nurture . . . at least for children. If a child grows up with two good parents in the home, then that child will likely be a productive member of society. Raising a kid is a huge responsibility that all parents should recognize and take very seriously.

If we could figure out a way to increase the percentage of homes with a loving/supportive father, then many of our problematic issues (including "mental health" issues) would be greatly reduced. We need to figure out a plan for this and implement it ASAP.

Concerning adults with mental health issues, I haven't spent much time thinking about that. The only thing that immediately comes to mind is: that person's family/friends should stay in touch with the person and give him/her the necessary support that he/she needs.

 

[Boom Boom]

Joint physical and legal custody should be the default and a parent arguing for something different should have to overcome a very strong presumption in its favor. It's barbaric to essentially remove one parent from the child's life by default whenever one of the parents is unhappy. It's disturbing how many seemingly non-evil people see nothing wrong with it.

Ok. Makes sense when it's feasible, though for divorced parents that don't live near each other it seems non-feasible.

From just a brief look at the current state of law on this, there has been significant movement. The mother is no longer the default custody winner in most (all?) States, though many do "tie-break" to the mother if both are "fit". The real issue though is that the courts are tasked with finding a custody arrangement that is in the best interests of the child, often with an express gender neutral preference, and the things they look at (prior share of care giving, time available at home and not at work) rule out a dad that works and a mom that doesn't, as well as a disfavor of a split arrangement. I guess you could mandate a different standard, but really what you are saying is judges are too stupid to do this right (not that I disagree).

 

[vandaldawg]

I didn’t know Pullman and Moscow were so close. Even share an airport. That’s odd, not only two university towns, but across state lines.

Yep. Bout 8 miles apart. We were back and forth all the time. Used to be the deadliest stretch of road in the country when the State of Washington changed the drinking age before the State of Idaho.

 

[OG Goat Holder]

Joint physical and legal custody should be the default and a parent arguing for something different should have to overcome a very strong presumption in its favor. It's barbaric to essentially remove one parent from the child's life by default whenever one of the parents is unhappy. It's disturbing how many seemingly non-evil people see nothing wrong with it.

One thing that heavily sways courts in the favor of women, is the state of the relationship at the time. MOST relationships involve the woman leaving the man (70% of marriages). Many men have trouble accepting this (and who wouldn't, it would be very difficult) and become very emotional during the process, leaving the woman and her lawyer a pile of evidence to find the husband unfit.
Recently I had a friend of mine going down that path, and was close to losing it all. He finally got it together, accepted his fate, collected his head, and was able to amass enough evidence himself to win custody of all his kids and keep his house.