Incident with an autistic child and his father. I’m probably the idiot here.
- Thread starter BobPSU92
- Start date
The father could have explained the situation in a better manner it sounds like, but there generally is 2 sides to every story. The fact you felt the need to bring this to a message board is probably the bigger issue. People that generally handle things properly don’t need reassurance. I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, bob you got this.
Well, in addition to being Hall of Fame Internet Football Coaches, we offer counseling on a variety of subjects. So, not really surprised.
We just ask you drop your 5 cents in the jar in front...
Kids who can't behave in public shouldn't be in public. The dad was the a-hole- not you.
Special Ed. Teacher here…. The father has not set boundaries for his son. We teach life skills and self advocacy to our students. They must know manners and what is and is not acceptable behavior. His son was probably experiencing a sensory overload..especially being at a busy Starbucks during the holiday season. He should have apologized to you and then talked with his son once his son was calmer about what is and is not acceptable behavior. I’m also the sibling of a special needs sister. Sometimes family members can be on the defensive regarding their loved ones. You were not wrong in reprimanding the child.
Somewhere, some kid is posting on an Autism support message board about how some weird dude was in Starbucks and on his phone looking at a Penn State message board and it freaked him out so much he had to scream at the guy.
Because that is what he is up against.
Because that is what he is up against.
And others on that board respond, “Oh, him. Yeah, he’s a real idiot.”
I’m reading this as people with special needs should be hidden away from society because they might make you uncomfortable as they try to acquire the skills they are currently deficient in.
As well as your wording. Some kids who “can’t behave in public” can’t do so because of special needs that they have. They don’t learn those skills by being kept out of public.
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Nor do they learn anything when their entitled parents allow them to run around screaming.
You know zero about the parent of the kid or the situation which led to the child running free.
I know your rights end when they start to interfere with mine. Don't make your problem my problem.
Clearly a few have never had a family relative or friend that is a bit more autistic. If you have, empathy for those parents is easy as hell as they live a whole different life. If you have not, you make clueless comments on it as we see in this thread. No you don’t have to expect everyone to get it, but saying the kids cannot go in public is absurd. If a kid on the spectrum yelling sets you off, maybe you are the problem. Who knows though because there are 2 sides to every story as I said before.
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I read through this thread and everyone is commenting based on their backgrounds which is great conversation. Looking at my own background, kids used to annoy the heck out of me when out in public and their parents let them roam free screaming and carrying on in places like church, restaurants, etc. Then I had kids of my own. I did not let them roam free screaming and carrying on where it was not appropriate(because I hated it when I didn't have kids). I have a lot more patience now when I experience that and judge the parents in my head and keep my mouth shut because being a parent is hard as feck. I suspect some of these comments about Bob yelling at the kid was okay because you may not have raised kids? Also, the dad was probably pissed because you yelled at his kid but he should have just apologized and moved on. However, I would be a little pissed too if someone not in my immediate family yelled at my kid. I would get defensive. Now, raising a kid with a disability makes parenting even more challenging because I have done that. You just want you kid to be treated like any other kid but you do have days where you are just barely making it through. I guess the moral of the my story is just have more patience and just be kind to who ever you meet as you have no idea what their life is like outside the few minutes/seconds your life gets interrupted by them. I have flown of the handle on some people(stangers) over my lifetime only to realize it just wasn't worth the effort and don't let them live rent free in my head. As I get older, I am realizing more and more how short life is and spend more energy on being happy and enjoying things more.
Actually I know he was letting his kid run loose going up and yelling in a complete strangers ear. Tells me a lot right there
Was it said he let his his kid run loose? I haven’t read back through to the original post to be sure, but wasn’t Bob doing something else (reading?) when this kid startled him? If that’s the case, Bob (nor anybody else in here) had no idea what the father was doing when the kid yelled in his ear or if the kid took a step away for a second while the father was placing his order.
Yes, Bob stated that he was "reading an article on his phone."
wrong again- way, way wrong, in fact
but the real world doesn't offer safe spaces, so you need to do what you can to ready those you love to function in that real world
That’s my boy, I find your total resistance to personal growth and improvement to be refreshing.
No it doesn’t. It shouldn’t have to either but some people cannot show patience. No need to hide children from them, it exposes them to the worst of mankind.
We have no clue on what both sides of the story are but maybe the father has a different angle. The feaux outrage is bob’s shtick. No parent has to hide their kids from most adults and even more so if you can recognize there could be an issue. Being kind or patient with someone who has special need’s isn’t that hard, but maybe it is for some. I read on this site babies shouldn’t be allowed to fly and that those parents are selfish. None of this stuff surprises me anymore on this site.
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The only people that take Bob seriously are those totally devoid of a sense of humor. Plus of course his mental health therapist during the Court mandated weekly session.
Bob's no. Others who have shown themselves to be extremely judgemental, unsympathetic and downright ignorant, yes. I've never put anyone in here on ignore until I read some of the replies on this thread.
I’ve got double digits on ignore but mostly cause the 9-2 circle argument. And that glen campbell guy
I’ve been checking out this thread periodically but have been too busy holidaying to stop and post before now.
My young adult son is high-functioning with autism. My 8-year-old nephew also has autism — he’s clearly intelligent and very sweet of disposition, but he also endures bigger challenges from being on the spectrum than my son did growing up. My sister and brother-in-law work tirelessly with my nephew on coping strategies and helping him manage his behavior, yet he will still act out at times when anxieties or overstimulation get to him. I feel for their whole family, but I know that together they’re steering him toward the best possible outcomes given his condition. I’ve seen a lot of growth out of him and am very hopeful that he will eventually be able to lead rather close to what society typically deems as a “normal” life.
I am convinced that a key factor in his growth has been his parents’ practice of exposing him to as many experiences and social situations as they can reasonably do. There are certain events or environments that they may still hold back from taking him to — or perhaps take him for a shorter duration than they would his 6-year-old sister without autism. But over time his ability to function in a variety of scenarios has shown marked improvement… which is wonderful for him and his family. I believe it’s also good ultimately good for society as well, as this greatly increases his chances of eventually achieving self-sufficiency, or near to it. That’s highly preferable to his possibly becoming an adult who cannot interact with others at all while also being entirely dependent upon them. Getting him out and about when they can makes this positive progression possible.
Yes, there are times when he exhibits sudden behaviors that end up being disruptive to others. When it happens, it’s not because it he wasn’t being monitored. It happens because it’s part of the growing pains of his development. In such situations, his parents will apologize and explain to the person(s) affected, and immediately work with him on what he could be doing differently. And yes they will take him outside or go home if he is really struggling or getting into a meltdown. Over time, that is happening less often.
I would encouraging anyone reading this to keep this point in mind and summon up just a little more patience, empathy, and understanding for an autistic child who may be acting out and their family, who go through a lot every single day.
Bob, I thank you for igniting the conversation in this thread… I think there have been a lot of very thoughtful and insightful responses. FG Dreadnought’s post summed up pretty well what I was feeling and intending to reply to your question.
I also felt that a few responses belied a lot of ignorance and lack of decorum on the part of the respective posters. I can only hope that those posts were hasty internet bravado types of replies, and not indicative of what is truly in the hearts and minds of those individuals. If even one of them softens their stance on this topic a bit after reading this thread, this discussion will have been really worthwhile.
One last note… a few years ago, at the age of 50 (!!!) I had an epiphany. A few behaviors that I observed in my nephew (and had not seen in my son in his childhood) awakened long-dormant memories in me. I finally began to connect some dots around certain things that had never made sense but had always troubled me. I did some reading, basically self-diagnosed, and then went to a neuropsychologist for testing that confirmed that I, too, qualify as being mildly on the spectrum, though high functioning. (My ex-wife would perhaps debate that very last part, lol.)
That has unlocked a transformational time in my life, in which I have become armed with a new self-awareness that has made me far more resilient against difficulties with depression and anxiety that had troubled me since my teens, and enhanced my ability to function well in my career and my home life. I bring this up only so I can express my gratitude for the presence of my son and my nephew in my life, which ultimately enabled me to learn something fundamental about myself that I otherwise never would have suspected. I am also very pleased that we have a much better clinical understanding of autism these days than we did in my youth. All of this can only be further enhanced through open dialog such as we’ve had here in this thread… so, thank you all very much.
Happy New Year everyone, and Let’s Go State!!!
My young adult son is high-functioning with autism. My 8-year-old nephew also has autism — he’s clearly intelligent and very sweet of disposition, but he also endures bigger challenges from being on the spectrum than my son did growing up. My sister and brother-in-law work tirelessly with my nephew on coping strategies and helping him manage his behavior, yet he will still act out at times when anxieties or overstimulation get to him. I feel for their whole family, but I know that together they’re steering him toward the best possible outcomes given his condition. I’ve seen a lot of growth out of him and am very hopeful that he will eventually be able to lead rather close to what society typically deems as a “normal” life.
I am convinced that a key factor in his growth has been his parents’ practice of exposing him to as many experiences and social situations as they can reasonably do. There are certain events or environments that they may still hold back from taking him to — or perhaps take him for a shorter duration than they would his 6-year-old sister without autism. But over time his ability to function in a variety of scenarios has shown marked improvement… which is wonderful for him and his family. I believe it’s also good ultimately good for society as well, as this greatly increases his chances of eventually achieving self-sufficiency, or near to it. That’s highly preferable to his possibly becoming an adult who cannot interact with others at all while also being entirely dependent upon them. Getting him out and about when they can makes this positive progression possible.
Yes, there are times when he exhibits sudden behaviors that end up being disruptive to others. When it happens, it’s not because it he wasn’t being monitored. It happens because it’s part of the growing pains of his development. In such situations, his parents will apologize and explain to the person(s) affected, and immediately work with him on what he could be doing differently. And yes they will take him outside or go home if he is really struggling or getting into a meltdown. Over time, that is happening less often.
I would encouraging anyone reading this to keep this point in mind and summon up just a little more patience, empathy, and understanding for an autistic child who may be acting out and their family, who go through a lot every single day.
Bob, I thank you for igniting the conversation in this thread… I think there have been a lot of very thoughtful and insightful responses. FG Dreadnought’s post summed up pretty well what I was feeling and intending to reply to your question.
I also felt that a few responses belied a lot of ignorance and lack of decorum on the part of the respective posters. I can only hope that those posts were hasty internet bravado types of replies, and not indicative of what is truly in the hearts and minds of those individuals. If even one of them softens their stance on this topic a bit after reading this thread, this discussion will have been really worthwhile.
One last note… a few years ago, at the age of 50 (!!!) I had an epiphany. A few behaviors that I observed in my nephew (and had not seen in my son in his childhood) awakened long-dormant memories in me. I finally began to connect some dots around certain things that had never made sense but had always troubled me. I did some reading, basically self-diagnosed, and then went to a neuropsychologist for testing that confirmed that I, too, qualify as being mildly on the spectrum, though high functioning. (My ex-wife would perhaps debate that very last part, lol.)
That has unlocked a transformational time in my life, in which I have become armed with a new self-awareness that has made me far more resilient against difficulties with depression and anxiety that had troubled me since my teens, and enhanced my ability to function well in my career and my home life. I bring this up only so I can express my gratitude for the presence of my son and my nephew in my life, which ultimately enabled me to learn something fundamental about myself that I otherwise never would have suspected. I am also very pleased that we have a much better clinical understanding of autism these days than we did in my youth. All of this can only be further enhanced through open dialog such as we’ve had here in this thread… so, thank you all very much.
Happy New Year everyone, and Let’s Go State!!!
and someone on the board may have said the weird dude was experiencing sensory overload
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