OT: Best buddy is going to be a father. Any good books to recommend?

FTLPSU

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Oct 6, 2021
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Yes....The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness !!

Trust me great book.. mother married twice father re-married and having major disconnects.....influences from aunts, uncles, grandparents...

I am huge proponent of nurture vs. nature when it comes to outcomes of children...

Have 1 son and very lucky! No Drugs--No Vapes---Athlete--Smart...Good looking...Mature...Very lucky!
 

Woodpecker

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Oct 7, 2021
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Bison13

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Oct 13, 2021
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If you like sports there's a book called dads Playbook by Tom limbers. A bunch of quotes and things from coaches.
 

Midnighter

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I didn’t do much reading about parenting, and the stuff I did read I didn't find too helpful or insightful. I found it very much something you have to experience and figure out and no amount of prep would help. I am also way too sentimental to read books that dwell on the beauty of parent/child relationships - just want to be in the moment, you know?

In any case, I do have advice. Being a parent is f*cking hard. It's easily the hardest thing I've ever done. When my father was the age I was when I had my first daughter, I was 15 years old. Your life is not your own anymore and that can by tough at times (though worth it). My advice for first time parents is always the same - 1. Sleep when you can, especially if the baby sleeps. 2. Take help if offered (so you can sleep, decompress, etc.) - if someone offers to watch the baby, feed the baby, walk the baby, whatever - take it. 3. Don't stress about breastfeeding; do whatever it takes to make sure your child eats. We kept a feeding journal for the first week and we were feeding her every 20 minutes or so. Just wasn't working. We got a medical grade pump, stored the milk, and it not only helped us keep track of how much she was eating, we could take turns feeding her.

Good luck to your friend!
 
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TiogaLion

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Oct 31, 2021
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for fatherhood? Might get one for his wife, as well. TIA
How about you create a book for your friend. Each page would be one or two liners about parenting advice. I'm sure you could get a good start right here and with twitter you could probably fill as many pages as you'd like. I'll start with a few pieces of parenting advice.

All parents love their children but be that parent who also likes their children. When you like something it's never a chore or a burden.

Only fight the battles worth fighting, and remember that very few battles are worth fighting. Choose wisely.

Make your house the hangout and than everyone plays by your rules.

Do not hide anything about the children from your co-parent (spouse, ex, etc). It really does take a team to raise a child.


Chi, there's a start. If you decide to go this way your friend will absolutely love it.
 
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psu31trap

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Oct 29, 2021
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I didn’t do much reading about parenting, and the stuff I did read I didn't find too helpful or insightful. I found it very much something you have to experience and figure out and no amount of prep would help. I am also way too sentimental to read books that dwell on the beauty of parent/child relationships - just want to be in the moment, you know?

In any case, I do have advice. Being a parent is f*cking hard. It's easily the hardest thing I've ever done. When my father was the age I was when I had my first daughter, I was 15 years old. Your life is not your own anymore and that can by tough at times (though worth it). My advice for first time parents is always the same - 1. Sleep when you can, especially if the baby sleeps. 2. Take help if offered (so you can sleep, decompress, etc.) - if someone offers to watch the baby, feed the baby, walk the baby, whatever - take it. 3. Don't stress about breastfeeding; do whatever it takes to make sure your child eats. We kept a feeding journal for the first week and we were feeding her every 20 minutes or so. Just wasn't working. We got a medical grade pump, stored the milk, and it not only helped us keep track of how much she was eating, we could take turns feeding her.

Good luck to your friend!
I agree, parenting was extremely tough, at least for me.
 
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nittanyfan333

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Oct 6, 2021
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I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and wife is 38.5 weeks pregnant. There is no manual or guide. It’s all OJT. What I will suggest is:

Solve your child’s sleep problems by Ferber. Some people aren’t fans because they think his method is akin to neglect but if you read his method that can’t be further from the truth. We sleep trained our first at 6 months and second at 4 months. Let me tell you, the value of them sleeping minimum 7 hours (provided they eat enough) at 4 months old will do wonders for your sleep.

As far as advice, I wish someone had prepared me with this nugget. man, your kids are gonna make you feel like a terrible person nearly as often as they make you feel like a great one. Ever yell at your kid for something and they cry making you feel like a d!ck? INSTANT shame. Especially if they give you the “sorry daddy”. Ugh… heartbreak hotel. Only to have them give you a hug out of the blue an hour later for no reason making you feel like THE man. That’s parenting. As long as you can accept that part you’ll be fine. Ups and downs. Every hour of the day. It’s gonna happen. As long as you learn from it, you win.
 

4theglory54

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Oct 16, 2021
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My wife and I had our two children in the early 80's, pre personal computer days. The book we relied on was:

Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care​

As a case example, I specifically recall the first time our daughter had a projectile throw up, we were both alarmed. The book addressed it and put our mind at ease. With the internet now available it might not be as relevant, but we found it very helpful during those early years.
 

Midnighter

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Oct 7, 2021
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My wife and I had our two children in the early 80's, pre personal computer days. The book we relied on was:

Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care​

As a case example, I specifically recall the first time our daughter had a projectile throw up, we were both alarmed. The book addressed it and put our mind at ease. With the internet now available it might not be as relevant, but we found it very helpful during those early years.

Yeah, any book that helps identify poop colors, vomit colors, grunts, cries, etc. is good to have (like you said, can find most of this on the internet). Anything with developmental information is good too (things the baby should be doing by a certain age, benchmarks, etc.). Of course, all kids are different and develop at different rates. But, the sheer amount of stuff you don't know is staggering. For example - my daughter, when little, would grab anything she could and stick it in her mouth. So, when she could, she fed herself. We noticed with my son that he almost never picked anything up and if he did, he never put it in his mouth. We sat him down with his first 'solid' food and he played with it, but didn't put it in his mouth. We asked our pediatrician about it and after an oral exam he referred us to a specialist. She instantly saw that he had a high palette and a tongue-tie. She said these aren't really permanent issues and he would likely grow out of the tongue tie, but we did some sessions with her to get him comfortable with eating solid foods on his own and now years later, it's not an issue.
 
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nittanyfan333

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Oct 6, 2021
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OH, I totally forgot.... not a book but Wife and I found this with our first and it's DAMN accurate. Ignore the oprah aspect of it, but holy crap we found it accurate as hell with both of our kids. pay attention to the cry,



also, for gassy babies (our first was gassy). this was a HUGE game changer for us. No need to push super hard, but it also helps them figure out how to push their own gas out.

 
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