Dear younger me . . .
It's not all fun and games with a bender
That b*tch right there, she ain't slender
Put down the Patron, you'll thank me later
Your friend, Right Hand, aka Miss Masturbator
Dear younger me,
In the back of a Prius.
Pull down your pants,
No one can see us.
Don't worry a bit,
This is the way.
We're the same person,
So it isn't gay.