OT: I'm going to be a(n old) Dad. Give me your best and worst advice.

[CochiseCowbell]

The spanking reminiscence thread made this inevitable. I became a grandfather before I became a father. Allow, me to explain:

My wife and I wed while y'all watched LoTan do this:



The reception was at a Minor League Ball park.

She had 3 children from her previous marriage and a grandson, who was about 3 months old when we started dating. I'm the only grandpa he and his younger sister know from this side of the family. The biological father, her ex, is barely in their lives and that's being generous.

So, I've been a grandfather and a stepfather (ages 14, 21, and 23 now) for several years, but this will be my first biological son...at 41 years of age.

Lil Cochise's induction date is Valentine's Day, so I don't have much time to soak in the cumulative "expert" knowledge SPS has to offer. My biggest concern is seeing the Mrs in pain and the 2-3 day hospital stay.

 

[Drebin]

The spanking reminiscence thread made this inevitable. I became a grandfather before I became a father. Allow, me to explain:

My wife and I wed while y'all watched LoTan do this:



The reception was at a Minor League Ball park.

She had 3 children from her previous marriage and a grandson, who was about 3 months old when we started dating. I'm the only grandpa he and his younger sister know from this side of the family. The biological father, her ex, is barely in their lives and that's being generous.

So, I've been a grandfather and a stepfather (ages 14, 21, and 23 now) for several years, but this will be my first biological son...at 41 years of age.

Lil Cochise's induction date is Valentine's Day, so I don't have much time to soak in the cumulative "expert" knowledge SPS has to offer. My biggest concern is seeing the Mrs in pain and the 2-3 day hospital stay.

I have no advice for you that is useful at this point. But going forward? Investment in prophylactics is advised. Or maybe killing that blue pill prescription.

All jokes aside, congratulations.

 

[wdawg44]

Became a father at 40. It is amazing!!! Congratulations! You will probably be in the best shape of your life by 45, it is quite the workout.

 

[PooPopsBaldHead]

#1. Congrats. Nothing better than being a dad.

#2. Nothing will truly prepare you for having a baby of your own. Its with you 24/7/365. You are going to have the best and worst times of your life in the next 6 months. The constant crying will drive you to the brink, go away when that happens.. Take a break, even if you are Aline with the baby, just leave them in the crib for 10 minutes and go outside to clear your head and calm down... They sense your frustration and feed on it.

#3. Welcome to the old dads club. If you are over 40 with a kid in kindergarten or younger, find other old dads. We take care of our own and you'll enjoy make fun of the homesteading aged dads. And one of the old dads will always have a wagon full of the kids stuff and a beer cooler for activities like Halloween.

 

[CochiseCowbell]

Investment in prophylactics is advised. Or maybe killing that blue pill prescription.

Oh, this is definitely the last. We gave it one year, and one of us was about to be fixed. She convinced me to give it 6 more months, lo and behold the math tracks the conception to a baseball weekend in Starkville.

 

[Augustus McCrae]

Congrats Cochise, sincerely. You're going to be/do great. Which hospital are you and your wife using if you don't mind me asking? My daughter was born at University and we had a great experience there all the way around. For the hospital stay itself, take every advantage of the help they provide there during your stay.

ETA: It'll be a few years before this applies, but some of the best parenting advice I ever got was "if they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to hear the answer". I've tried to stay true to that, within reason, and it has served me well so far.

 

[Herbert Nenninger]

Put all of his college savings in Bitcoin.

 

[HumpDawgy]

Both Congrats and God give you strength.

 

[CochiseCowbell]

Which hospital are you and your wife using if you don't mind me asking?

University, now called Piedmont, as well. I've heard nothing but good things from others that have used them.

 

[Lucifer Morningstar]

Great news!!! Had my first little devil at 37. She is without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me outside of my wife. There is so much you will learn, thing I have learned is no matter how bad your day is going once you grab them and they smile at you everything is right again.

Also: Get a doona, just google it.

 

[Seinfeld]

Congrats man. Everything that people say about a child giving you a new purpose in life and changing your entire outlook on the world is completely true.

That said, rest assured that MSU sports will still piss you off

 

[Augustus McCrae]

Great news!!! Had my first little devil at 37. She is without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me outside of my wife. There is so much you will learn, thing I have learned is no matter how bad your day is going once you grab them and they smile at you everything is right again.

Indeed. No matter the day I had, walking through the door at home and being greeted with an emphatic Daddy!!! followed by a big hug is something I'll always cherish.

 

[DoggieDaddy13]

Congratulations! Take lots of deep breaths and yawn loud and proud.
No matter how tired and irritated you get, enjoy the hell out of it and be grateful for the opportunity.
It will keep you young--- or at least on edge enough to keep you alive.
***THE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do is WHATEVER THE 17 your wife needs you or tells you to do. No matter how unreasonable or impossible it seems, just do it with an exhausted and joyful spirit.

P.S. Don't get your feelings hurt when folks mistakenly call you the grandfather.

 

[Pars]

Congratulations. Nothing better than having one of your own.
About to have my second at 38. In my neck of the woods it doesn’t seem like I’m considered an old dad. Maybe previous generations but now folks are starting later. I’ll be less PooPops but more pops Pooped himself if I make it to grandkids but I’m cool with it for now.

 

[Cantdoitsal]

Congrats as I had a son at age 40 and he's now a freshman at UNT. I will also add that being a good stepfather is a rare trait that a lot of men just don't take the time or have the patience to do in a good way. I have a deep respect for good stepfathers.

 

[Old Fart Dawg]

Happy Meals are your friend

 

[johnson86-1]

Hmmm...not sure how much I will have that's helpful as every kid I had I felt like I had forgotten everything, so can't imagine I'm remembering the important stuff now, but:

1) Get in shape. This may be a little late as it's going to be a little harder to get in shape when you're not sleeping as much, but at the very least, you can take opportunities to take the baby strolling. If you're lucky, he/she is going to want you to do things with them for a long time. You don't want to have to say no because you're tired or don't feel great because you're out of shape.
2) Go easy on yourself. Not sure if this is your personality, but don't stress out over whether you are doing everything perfectly. Parenting isn't as hard as we make it on ourselves because provided you are parenting generally within 1st world norms, parents have way less influence than they like to think. Your wife presumably will have some perspective after already having three.
3) That said, read a book. I think we did Babywise? Did not follow it to the letter at all, but generally had good luck at least following the order they recommend (I think it's wake, eat, play, sleep? something about wanting to make sure they don't tie eating and sleeping together?). Parenting, especially for a baby, is still a skill so you want some sort of plan, just don't get locked into thinking there's only one way and you have to follow it to the letter.
4) Swaddle. Get them to teach you at the hospital or buy several of the zip up swaddling things.
5) JoeLeeSocks's recommendation on taking a break is an excellent one. If you holding them, rocking, etc. isn't getting them to calm down, step into the other room if you need to.
6) Find a compatible hobby. You'll probably spend a good bit of time at home while the baby is sleeping where you have free time, but not free enough to leave home. I did a lot more smoking on the egg when my children were infants. Reading is obviously good. May not have a lot of time in the near future once the baby gets more active. Take care of whatever projects you want to around the house. You'll have less time later on.
7) Get ready to feel old. I wasn't quite as old as you, but still old enough that there were other parents with kids the same age as mine that I basically couldn't relate to them outside of parenting. You should still have plenty of other parents basically the same age as you, although if you're in the south they'll probably mostly be on number 2 or 3 instead of their first one.

Not sure any of that is really what you're looking for or helpful.

ETA: Related to Number 2, don't let those bastards at the hospital shame you for giving the baby a pacifier or your wife not breastfeeding. Your worst case for the pacifier is having a week of misery in a year or two. If that lets you sleep multiple nights now or helps the baby nap now, that's a perfectly good tradeoff. For the breastfeeding, it probably is better, but if it were as big of a deal as they pretend it is, it wouldn't be so damn hard to find any statistical evidence that it's better.

 

[aTotal360]

For the hospital stay itself, take every advantage of the help they provide there during your stay.

^^^^
This is God tier advice. Momma and yourself will want to hold that baby 24/7 while in the hospital. Resist the urge. Let the nurses do all the heavy lifting. You're paying them the same and momma will need the rest.

Understand that babies will drink a thimble full of milk and will be full. On my first one, I was convinced she was starving herself to death because she'd drink what I thought was nothing. Turns out, that's all she could drink. About 2 oz per feeding. Had me worried as hell.

You will NOT be able to replace momma's touch. When the baby is upset, there isn't a damn thing you can do. And that won't ever change. My kids come to me for money and that's about it.

Pay the money for a good baby monitor.

Stock up on diapers of all sizes. You'll eventually use them.

I know a lot of people hate it, but we used the diaper genie for both of ours and it didn't stink up the house.

Get a good stroller. You'll use it for years. I recommend a Bob Stroller (city version). I always referred to it as my walker. It's great for holding drinks and shopping bags.

Babies will run a fever of 138 degrees. It's part of it. Chances are if you go to the hospital, they'll give it a popsicle and send you home. So don't be alarmed by a temp that would put us in the morgue.

If your baby is whiny and you can't figure it out, smell their ears. If it smells like a wet dog, it's an ear infection. Pediatrician visit.

All kids like different shapes of pacifiers. You'll buy 8 different models until you settle on one.

Pay for momma to go get a pedicure once a month.

 

[1msucub]

You can't really say that you've lived a full life until you have vomit roll down your back and into your boxers at 2:45 in the morning.

Just sayin.

 

[PooPopsBaldHead]

Just a reminder, age 41 isn't THAT old... I mean its how old Cincinnati Red's manager Sparky Anderson was when he won the 75' World Series against the Red Sox... Here he is with Joe Morgan that season. You'll be fine.**

 

[Darryl Steight]

Take it from an experienced older dad... 41 ain't old. It only seems that way now. Yes, you will be one of the older and maybe grayer dads at the kindergarten play, but that is not at all out of the ordinary these days. And you'll still be in your 50's when he/she graduates high school. Well within the normal range. Plus, as someone else said, this will keep you younger. I don't know if it's being forced to be active (coaching soccer or whatever), or if it's hanging out with a median younger crowd of your kid's friends' parents, but you will definitely feel younger than your friends who will be empty nesters soon.

I meet up with friends my age and they ride me a little for still having kids in grade school, which I laugh at. It is funny. But when it gets down to it, they all admit that they miss it now that their kids are gone off to school or work. Enjoy the next 18 years, man, even though parts of it will suck - it can still be the best time of your life.

 

[horshack.sixpack]

The spanking reminiscence thread made this inevitable. I became a grandfather before I became a father. Allow, me to explain:

My wife and I wed while y'all watched LoTan do this:



The reception was at a Minor League Ball park.

She had 3 children from her previous marriage and a grandson, who was about 3 months old when we started dating. I'm the only grandpa he and his younger sister know from this side of the family. The biological father, her ex, is barely in their lives and that's being generous.

So, I've been a grandfather and a stepfather (ages 14, 21, and 23 now) for several years, but this will be my first biological son...at 41 years of age.

Lil Cochise's induction date is Valentine's Day, so I don't have much time to soak in the cumulative "expert" knowledge SPS has to offer. My biggest concern is seeing the Mrs in pain and the 2-3 day hospital stay.

No matter what anyone tells you, you know yourself, your family and your kid best. If your primary goal is to love and raise them into decent humans, you'll be fine.

The only advice I'll offer is when it gets stressful and they are going off the rails, before you say or do anything, remind yourself that you are the adult and they are the kid. One of you is expected to act like a child and you are not that one.

 

[johnson86-1]

I know a lot of people hate it, but we used the diaper genie for both of ours and it didn't stink up the house.

Don't disagree with anything you said but this one. We had two different models of diaper genie and both of them resulted in the house stinking.

It's well worth it to just take the damn things out. If it's inconvenient to take them out, wrap them in a used grocery sack and just put them out a side door until you take the trash out. Or if that doesn't work for your set up, put them in a quart or gallon ziplock bag. We had friends that put them in ziplocks and just dropped them in their normal garbage in teh kitchen and that didn't seem to stink. We just took ours out mostly. Even if we did the ziplock bag because it was raining or just late or whatever, we put it in a used grocery sack and took it out first chance we got.

 

[aTotal360]

Don't disagree with anything you said but this one. We had two different models of diaper genie and both of them resulted in the house stinking.

It's well worth it to just take the damn things out. If it's inconvenient to take them out, wrap them in a used grocery sack and just put them out a side door until you take the trash out. Or if that doesn't work for your set up, put them in a quart or gallon ziplock bag. We had friends that put them in ziplocks and just dropped them in their normal garbage in teh kitchen and that didn't seem to stink. We just took ours out mostly. Even if we did the ziplock bag because it was raining or just late or whatever, we put it in a used grocery sack and took it out first chance we got.

I added an extra twist to the bag if it was bad. The houses that I went into that had stinky diaper genies were all caused by the can and lid being dirty. We kept our spotless. I also would spray it with a shot of lysol after each use.

 

[columbiadawg2]

 

[YesIAmAPirate]

We had another little one recently and we ordered several rolls of the individual bags off of Amazon. Tie a good knot in it and it doesn't stink in our garage garbage can. Also look into Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit for when he/she is a few months old

 

[AlCoDog]

The spanking reminiscence thread made this inevitable. I became a grandfather before I became a father. Allow, me to explain:

My wife and I wed while y'all watched LoTan do this:



The reception was at a Minor League Ball park.

She had 3 children from her previous marriage and a grandson, who was about 3 months old when we started dating. I'm the only grandpa he and his younger sister know from this side of the family. The biological father, her ex, is barely in their lives and that's being generous.

So, I've been a grandfather and a stepfather (ages 14, 21, and 23 now) for several years, but this will be my first biological son...at 41 years of age.

Lil Cochise's induction date is Valentine's Day, so I don't have much time to soak in the cumulative "expert" knowledge SPS has to offer. My biggest concern is seeing the Mrs in pain and the 2-3 day hospital stay.

I have 16, 14, and 4. Had the 4 year old at 42. Best advice, be nice and thankful for that 14 year old. That’s your biggest asset. You’re going to need the help. Congratulations!

 

[POTUS]

Build a home driving range with nets in your garage and set them up so they can watch you hit drives. Worked out great for Earl Woods.

 

[msudawglb]

Don't be one of those dads who let their kids run around the table in a restaurant. Enjoy them, kids are awesome and being a Dad is wonderful. But understand, being a Dad ain't being their friend. From the very beginning, put the fear of God in them that if they act up, you will rain down upon them. All the other times, hug them, play with them, encourage them, love them, and be fun.

 

[Cantdoitsal]

Be prepared to become an expert on Sponge Bob and Power Rangers and say good bye to R rated movies if your wife is anything like mine. I had to observe extreme caution watching South Park.

 

[vhdawg]

I was on the trailing end of 37 when my youngest was born, and she's 8 now, so I'm not far off your pace. Best advice: Sleep when you can, and if you can save your wife having to get up, do it. We bottle-fed but if your wife breastfeeds, take advantage of any opportunity to bottle feed that baby. Those are precious times.

Sign up for Subcribe and Save on Amazon for diapers. Having the diaper fairy drop those at your house once a month is amazing.

Until the kid is out of diapers, you'll be in the fog of war. Just keep going. It'll be a blast.

Also, get a phone with more memory because you'll be taking more photos than you ever thought possible.

 

[TrueMaroonGrind]

Congrats!

I only have a few bits of advice. The rest you’ll figure out on your own. Save up a chunk of change for medical bills. We hit out of pocket max for both our kids post Obamacare. You are a husband 1st and father 2nd. It’s hard but invest in alone time and trips with your wife even though it’s hard with a young kid. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Good luck! You’ll do great.

ETA: Don’t let them sleep in your bed ever. You’ll never get them out.

 

[CochiseCowbell]

being a Dad ain't being their friend.

We can be friends when he is 20 or so. Same as with my father. Although, it may have taken me until 30.

 

[Yeti]

I had last one at 38. Best thing that ever happened. Be thankful when they cry and wake you up many people never get to be a parent. Enjoy every step kids are great love mine can’t remember a bad day just many many good days with them. If the baby is healthy that’s all that matters ..period

 

[knock him out john]

Became a father at 40. It is amazing!!! Congratulations! You will probably be in the best shape of your life by 45, it is quite the workout.

I had a 40 week old when I turned 40. It's a blessing and helps keep you young. Sleep when they sleep.

 

[Dawgg]

The time in the hospital is going to be a little rough and nerve shattering (for both of you) and there's a good chance your wife won't be herself for 24-48 hours. Just be there for her and give her what she needs. If she needs to yell, let her yell. If she needs you to leave the room for minute, take a lap. If she needs you to talk through pain management and she changes her mind from her original plan, help her be ok with that.

There's a period of time where she's going to be in pain no matter how many drugs or procedures they use to alleviate that and that can be a little hard to watch, but she's going to need you to be strong and encouraging. I saw someone else mention the hospital staff providing help and I agree you should take advantage of that. If you need them to, the staff will generally take the baby out of the room for a little while and watch them so you can get some sleep (and you'll need it after the emotional and physical rollercoaster you'll both have been on).

Last thing, don't freak out if something isn't perfect. A lot happens during birth: dilation takes longer than expected, babies swallow too much meconium and hurts their lungs, a breathing or heart rhythm isn't quite right, the staff needs extra time to examine the baby, the baby needs a night in the NICU for observation, the baby doesn't latch on and drink immediately, your wife doesn't 'let down' and lactate immediately, etc. Most of the time, these are nothing and just something your wife and/or the baby has to work through and over-stressing won't help anybody.

You got this.

 

[Ozarkdawg]

If you haven't already started, REST UP NOW, you'll need it.

If possible, always let someone else hold the baby after it feeds. You'll have to change your shirt less often that way.

When changing the diapers, keep it aimed at something easy to clean - it will happen.

And Congrats.


And one more thing. Don't blink because if you do, they'll be having their babies. It seems like it starts so slow, but goes by so fast.

 

[PooPopsBaldHead]

Be prepared to become an expert on Sponge Bob and Power Rangers and say good bye to R rated movies if your wife is anything like mine. I had to observe extreme caution watching South Park.

Here's a parenting story from last week @CochiseCowbell .

Wife was outta town and I picked up my youngest from preschool. When I get there he had apparently just told all the kids in his class if they didn't quit annoying them he would kill them all.

Very embarrassing and worrying. I asked where he heard that kind of talk and it was apparently from Jurassic World. So he lost all his dino stuff for a while and can't watch Jurassic World anymore. Bad parenting on my part for letting him watch it.

I also made him draw a picture to show his friends and teacher he was sorry so he made this masterpiece of all his classmates and teachers at a waterslide.



He takes it to school and I tell the teachers about Jurassic World and his punishment and the drawing etc... Pick him up that afternoon and I have to have another talk.

This little thing here circled in pink....



Well apparently he told the class who everyone in the picture was and that little brown figure was Eli, because Eli is a real turd.

It's awful hard not to laugh your *** of in front of the teacher in this scenario.

 

[goindhoo]

I just had another one at 42. It's great having older siblings to help out. Good luck and enjoy!

 

[Augustus McCrae]

Well apparently he told the class who everyone in the picture was and that little brown figure was Eli, because Eli is a real turd.

Must be something about that name that just automatically makes one exude turdness.