Yesterday, this woman who is significantly older than I am absolutely lost her mind. While I have only been working at my company for a short time, I have noticed that this is a polite woman and is always verycourteous to everyone in the office. So around 3:00 yesterday afternoon she stormed into the office and you could clearly hear her strong use of the word 17, I'm talking about using past, present, and future tense of the word in such fashion that even George Carlin (if he were still alive) would blush at the blatant abuse of the word. She eventually said "I have had enough of this piece of S**T copy machine, this piece of S**T printer, and this piece of S**T office...she stormed out of the building while the entire office started dying out laughing. Which leads me to my question, what is the greatest office rant you have ever witnessed?
What is the greatest office rant you've ever witnessed
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Yesterday, this woman who is significantly older than I am absolutely lost her mind. While I have only been working at my company for a short time, I have noticed that this is a polite woman and is always verycourteous to everyone in the office. So around 3:00 yesterday afternoon she stormed into the office and you could clearly hear her strong use of the word 17, I'm talking about using past, present, and future tense of the word in such fashion that even George Carlin (if he were still alive) would blush at the blatant abuse of the word. She eventually said "I have had enough of this piece of S**T copy machine, this piece of S**T printer, and this piece of S**T office...she stormed out of the building while the entire office started dying out laughing. Which leads me to my question, what is the greatest office rant you have ever witnessed?
But one guy would seem to just start yelling at coworkers about putting pressure on him to do his job right. The guy is now awaiting trial for the double murder of his mother and brother.
politely ask the young dude from the IT department, who had just explained that the multi-page document that disappeared could not be retrieved, to move out of the way, seize the monitor and, somehow ripping the connections free, hurled the monitor through his office window and into the parking lot. This was in the mid to late 90s, before the days of flatscreens. It was one of those big *** tube types.
The best office rant I have been witness too didn't offically occur in the office. In 1997 while working in Barnesville, Georgia as a procurement forester, we had a scaler (one who weights trucks in and out of the mill) named Jimmy. Jimmy was about 6' but was as thick asadelta crypress stump. One particular day when everyone was in the office we had Jimmy run down to Mickey D's and get everyone a value meal. Once he came back and everyone got their bag, Jimmy pulled out his Big Mac and there was a perfect bite mark taken out of the burger. Jimmy silently stared at this burger for a few minutes while we egged him on and told him how he "ought not take this ****". Silently deeper shades of red progressively consumed him until the loud proclaimtion of "17 this ****" was made. Jimmy hit the door and smoked tires out of there leaving us dumbfoundly looking at each other trying to comprend what rage we had unleased upon the world.
Once back at McD's the truck was slung sideways at the entrance as to block all incoming and outgoing traffic. Jimmy gonna get him some payback! An overflowing lunch time crowd watched as the wild man flung the door open and yelled "WHO THE HELL TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY BURGER!?". A libary like silence fell over the packed establishment as a female manager creep forward. "May I help you sir" the manager sheeplish said. Again Jimmy said "I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE HELL TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY BURGER!?" At this time, in the kitchen Jimmy spied a black girl in back trying to slink away, "YOU COME HERE!". His force of personality excerted full control of the establishiment as she came forward. DID YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF MYBURGER?Her eyes were cast downwardas she nodded no. YOU KNOW WHO DID ITTHOUGH,DON'T YA. Her outstreched fingerimplicateda teen age boy hiding in the back. YOU, 17ING COME HERE. Immediate confessions started spewwing forth as the guy pleaded for his life. The manager at this point is asking "What do you want?" "I want this guy fired, I want everyone in this place to eat for free, refunds for everybody. Done!
Most of the patrons didn't stay eat but instead high fived Jimmy as he walked out the door. Two months later the McD's had to close as word had spread and was reopened later under new management.
On another Jimmy story, he was the only guy I knew who had dick-whipped his wife. As newyweds he quickly got his wife in line. One particular day on a trip to the grocery store his wife felt the complusion to startbitching. She continued to ***** up and down the ilses of the grocerty store. Upon reaching his ***** limit, Jimmy leaves his young wife at the grocery store and drives away. Two hours later after she walks home, she comes in the door,Jimmy gets up and goes back to the grocery store without her to get the shopping done. After this episode he confessed a marked improvement in her attitude. Wish I had done the same.
Once back at McD's the truck was slung sideways at the entrance as to block all incoming and outgoing traffic. Jimmy gonna get him some payback! An overflowing lunch time crowd watched as the wild man flung the door open and yelled "WHO THE HELL TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY BURGER!?". A libary like silence fell over the packed establishment as a female manager creep forward. "May I help you sir" the manager sheeplish said. Again Jimmy said "I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE HELL TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY BURGER!?" At this time, in the kitchen Jimmy spied a black girl in back trying to slink away, "YOU COME HERE!". His force of personality excerted full control of the establishiment as she came forward. DID YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF MYBURGER?Her eyes were cast downwardas she nodded no. YOU KNOW WHO DID ITTHOUGH,DON'T YA. Her outstreched fingerimplicateda teen age boy hiding in the back. YOU, 17ING COME HERE. Immediate confessions started spewwing forth as the guy pleaded for his life. The manager at this point is asking "What do you want?" "I want this guy fired, I want everyone in this place to eat for free, refunds for everybody. Done!
Most of the patrons didn't stay eat but instead high fived Jimmy as he walked out the door. Two months later the McD's had to close as word had spread and was reopened later under new management.
On another Jimmy story, he was the only guy I knew who had dick-whipped his wife. As newyweds he quickly got his wife in line. One particular day on a trip to the grocery store his wife felt the complusion to startbitching. She continued to ***** up and down the ilses of the grocerty store. Upon reaching his ***** limit, Jimmy leaves his young wife at the grocery store and drives away. Two hours later after she walks home, she comes in the door,Jimmy gets up and goes back to the grocery store without her to get the shopping done. After this episode he confessed a marked improvement in her attitude. Wish I had done the same.
Simple disagreement started going sour. everyone saw it and no one could stop it. Like a train wreck in progress that couldn't be halted. Words were said that shoudl have been cut off in the back of the throat and the Plant engineer lost his job.
At times. it is best to say "Yes Sir." and take it like a wimp - that is if your job (translate pay check) is important fo ryour family's well being, which in these days is the case for most of us.
At times. it is best to say "Yes Sir." and take it like a wimp - that is if your job (translate pay check) is important fo ryour family's well being, which in these days is the case for most of us.
<p class="MsoNormal"> "If you wouldn’t mind, next time you use the men’s room here at ********* and you graffiti the toilet bowl with your bowls, please have to common courtesy
to clean up your art work. You may enjoy looking at what the devastation you
call using the bathroom looks like but we Christians don’t. Thanks,
that is all. Have a merry day and may God have mercy on your soul."</p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p>
to clean up your art work. You may enjoy looking at what the devastation you
call using the bathroom looks like but we Christians don’t. Thanks,
that is all. Have a merry day and may God have mercy on your soul."</p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p>
Look it up on urban dictionary.
<span style="font-style: italic;">Me and a co-worker submitted that years ago.</span>
<span style="font-style: italic;">Me and a co-worker submitted that years ago.</span>
But if I did, there is no way in hell I am reaching my hand down into a public toilet to clean it up.
and we had this absolutely terrible woman working on the other side of one of my walls. She was in her mid to late twenties and overweight. None of her friends or family had given her the heads up that she needed to buy some clothes for work that weren't from her high school skinny days. She was super redneck, lived on grandma's property in a "house trailer", and was married right out of high school to the guy she had been dating since junior high. She often had very loud arguments with him on the phone at the office. One particular day she was giving her husband all sorts of hell. She kept saying things that were alluding to the idea that he had cheated on her. Then she started yelling "I don't care if she came on to you first!!" We were all laughing of course. Their was a long silence where I think he was trying to explain himself. Then out of no where she erupts with "She is only 15 years old you *******!" The entire office erupted. This is where the rant began.
The woman who sat two rows over jumped from her desk, quickly marched over to the pedophile's wife's desk, grabbed the phone from her and slammed it down onto the receiver. She proceeded to tell her that no one cared about her disgusting love life, that she was a piece of trash, and that she needed an entirely new wardrobe that wasn't made for someone half her size (there was more to it because it lasted about a minute but I can't remember the exact quotes for her).The wife began to cry. The yeller then silently walked to her desk as the rest of us choked on our tears of laughter and joy. </p>
The woman who sat two rows over jumped from her desk, quickly marched over to the pedophile's wife's desk, grabbed the phone from her and slammed it down onto the receiver. She proceeded to tell her that no one cared about her disgusting love life, that she was a piece of trash, and that she needed an entirely new wardrobe that wasn't made for someone half her size (there was more to it because it lasted about a minute but I can't remember the exact quotes for her).The wife began to cry. The yeller then silently walked to her desk as the rest of us choked on our tears of laughter and joy. </p>
and a former coworker of mine still had his Christmas tree in the back of his truck. So when he left for lunch with another coworker, we took the tree into the office and placed it in his cubicle. We worked in IT, so there were alot of ribbon cables and network cables lying around that we "decorated" the tree with. When he got back into the office and saw it, he yelled out "somebody is going to clean this 17ing **** up, because I'm not!" The tree stayed there another week until our boss made us get rid of it.
We had this white family that had several kids in HS- cousins and such. They were as white trash as it gets. They were so white trash, the State Fair wouldnt hire these people. Anyway, we had a black principle- good guy, very reserved- and the Momma came in to talk to him about an issue. My classroom was just down from the main office, and I had the door open, just going over something.<div>
</div><div>All of a sudden I hear her yelling in the office- "17 you, Mr ******....you aint gone treat my daughter like dat." He started trying to calm her, but she wasnt having it. "dont you tell me to calm down- I've listened to all I'm gone ta listen ta from yo black ***."...They are now in the hall, as I have now peaked my head out the door. She turns around as she was walking off- looks dead at him- as said- "you're nothing but a 17'ing N-word....a N-word".....and she marched out of the building</div><div>
</div><div>The asst principle and I walk up to him- look at each other- and just bust out laughing. We laughed because of the look on his face- and the fact that she said that to him with a half-black 2 yr old in her arms- who happened to be her grandson- and the son of one of our DT's.......It was one of those moments of comedy that you just cant make up.</div>
</div><div>All of a sudden I hear her yelling in the office- "17 you, Mr ******....you aint gone treat my daughter like dat." He started trying to calm her, but she wasnt having it. "dont you tell me to calm down- I've listened to all I'm gone ta listen ta from yo black ***."...They are now in the hall, as I have now peaked my head out the door. She turns around as she was walking off- looks dead at him- as said- "you're nothing but a 17'ing N-word....a N-word".....and she marched out of the building</div><div>
</div><div>The asst principle and I walk up to him- look at each other- and just bust out laughing. We laughed because of the look on his face- and the fact that she said that to him with a half-black 2 yr old in her arms- who happened to be her grandson- and the son of one of our DT's.......It was one of those moments of comedy that you just cant make up.</div>
a few years ago at my old office we have L-shaped desks that joined together, i guess cubicles without walls, more or less.
anyways... this girl that sat to her back to me, got her normal morning phone call from her husband. this girl is one of those people that talks extremely loud wherever she is. she answers the phone just like every other morning, "hey, jack. how's it goin?" they talk normal for a few minutes, then **** hits the fan. apparently he asked, "what's for dinner tonight?".... well, jack always asked whats for dinner and girl got fed up with it. the rant ensued: girl, "what do you mean, what are we having for dinner tonight? why can't you make dinner tonight? i'm always the one that makes dinner you fat piece of uuuggghhh (yes, she said uuuggghhhh), how about you make yourself a frozen hungry-man tonight for dinner and i'll cook for myself."
then she hung up.. everybody in the office just kind of looked around at each other with a blank face. jack and girl are divorced now.
that's the best i've got.
anyways... this girl that sat to her back to me, got her normal morning phone call from her husband. this girl is one of those people that talks extremely loud wherever she is. she answers the phone just like every other morning, "hey, jack. how's it goin?" they talk normal for a few minutes, then **** hits the fan. apparently he asked, "what's for dinner tonight?".... well, jack always asked whats for dinner and girl got fed up with it. the rant ensued: girl, "what do you mean, what are we having for dinner tonight? why can't you make dinner tonight? i'm always the one that makes dinner you fat piece of uuuggghhh (yes, she said uuuggghhhh), how about you make yourself a frozen hungry-man tonight for dinner and i'll cook for myself."
then she hung up.. everybody in the office just kind of looked around at each other with a blank face. jack and girl are divorced now.
that's the best i've got.
As I'm sure you are all aware, academicians have some of the biggest egos on the planet, and often don't play well together. I was a shiny new grad student attending one of my first brown bag presentations - basically faculty have their grad students present research from the lab to the rest of the faculty. It is supposed to be a fairly low-key event where the student can benefit from faculty input in a supportive environment. Facutly didn't really mess with me, because my professor was well liked, and because in California, most people believed that a Mississippi redneck such as myself probably was carrying weapons and knew how to use them.
We had two profs in the department who absolutely hated each others guts. Both were famous in the field and well funded, and the turf war between them spilled out into the department in all kinds of ways. So, here we are at the brown bag, and professor A's student, an attractive 2nd year Ph.D. student, is presenting on her collaboration with Prof A. Professor B's grad student asks a question about the project, doesn't like the answer, and asks a few more, with the tone becoming more aggressive. Professor A decides to weigh in, and tells the questioner that he doesn't understand the work, probably because he has never taken his course, and he needs to back the 17 off. Prof B doesn't like this at all. He says you can take all the classes under the sun, but if its a stupid study one day, well, it will be a stupid study the next (the girl presenting is standing there looking really uncomfortable). Prof A bows up and tells prof B that just because he obviously doesn't understand it, probably because he can't understand the math behind the model (these are cognitive psychologists) doesn't mean it isn't a great project, and the air force must think so as they've funded it for 4 years, and he has twice the grant money and grad students that prof B does. At this point, they have both stood up and are facing each other across the conference table. Professor B then says, I **** you not, "I know all about your grad students *******. Hell, I've been sleeping with this one for two months" as he points to the presenter. Well, with that turd dropped, everybody just sits there looking at these two freaks. The presenter, now fingered for 17ing her way to the top, turns and leaves, some other profs ease on out, and eventually we all just back the hell out of there.
That was one of many memorable exchanges between these two.
We had two profs in the department who absolutely hated each others guts. Both were famous in the field and well funded, and the turf war between them spilled out into the department in all kinds of ways. So, here we are at the brown bag, and professor A's student, an attractive 2nd year Ph.D. student, is presenting on her collaboration with Prof A. Professor B's grad student asks a question about the project, doesn't like the answer, and asks a few more, with the tone becoming more aggressive. Professor A decides to weigh in, and tells the questioner that he doesn't understand the work, probably because he has never taken his course, and he needs to back the 17 off. Prof B doesn't like this at all. He says you can take all the classes under the sun, but if its a stupid study one day, well, it will be a stupid study the next (the girl presenting is standing there looking really uncomfortable). Prof A bows up and tells prof B that just because he obviously doesn't understand it, probably because he can't understand the math behind the model (these are cognitive psychologists) doesn't mean it isn't a great project, and the air force must think so as they've funded it for 4 years, and he has twice the grant money and grad students that prof B does. At this point, they have both stood up and are facing each other across the conference table. Professor B then says, I **** you not, "I know all about your grad students *******. Hell, I've been sleeping with this one for two months" as he points to the presenter. Well, with that turd dropped, everybody just sits there looking at these two freaks. The presenter, now fingered for 17ing her way to the top, turns and leaves, some other profs ease on out, and eventually we all just back the hell out of there.
That was one of many memorable exchanges between these two.
Several years ago, we had some extremely eccentric MD/PhD's in my department. There were 2 that absolutely despised each other. The situation was compounded in that both had more money than the Pope, so they felt that they were only here to show others how great they were.
One guy was really bent on having his own personal parking spot. We don't have private parking for each faculty/staff but he laid claim to his "spot". During one of their many spats, the other guy decides to park the next morning in guy one's "spot". Of course, it hit the fan....or not.
Guy one, climbs up onto the hood of guy two's car, and drops a load on the windshield. Shortly afterwards, one retired to go sailing.
Sorry, I do not have pictures, this was before smart phones.
One guy was really bent on having his own personal parking spot. We don't have private parking for each faculty/staff but he laid claim to his "spot". During one of their many spats, the other guy decides to park the next morning in guy one's "spot". Of course, it hit the fan....or not.
Guy one, climbs up onto the hood of guy two's car, and drops a load on the windshield. Shortly afterwards, one retired to go sailing.
Sorry, I do not have pictures, this was before smart phones.
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