Why do parents suck? (Youth Baseball)

[OG Goat Holder]

I coach 3rd grade pee wee football in a fairly competitive area. The key is the initial practice. I lay out to the parents how everything will work. The games are rewards. Period. Hope your kid earns the reward.

I've not seen the baseball-type problems in football. The biggest problem a football coach has is winning - you win, parents like you, if you don't, they don't. I'm not saying that's the way it should be, but it's usually that simple. Usually it's clear who needs the playing time in football, it's just a different animal.

I was coaching Upward basketball a few years ago. Got lucky and had the best team. I was beating everybody, while at the same time playing the shltty kids half the time (had 10 on the team, so everybody played half the game, and the best ones might get an extra period here and there, depending on the math). I found out a year or so later there was STILL a parent that was pissed off about that season, because her son didn't start. The kid didn't suck, but he wasn't good, and he was one of the younger ones. And he played at least half of every game. And we won every game. They are just clueless - and now these parents are all up the single A travel ball circuit trying to manipulate things for their kid.

All that to say, it does seem that football weeds out the middle daddy-baller types, just by the nature of it. It's more of a team unifier more than an individual achievement sort of thing.

 

[aTotal360]

And that’s not insane or 17ing stupid at all. Only 3-4 years away from those kids hitting puberty. Definitely want to start weeding out the ones that aren’t taking it seriously yet by limiting their playing time.

In our league, everyone has to get at least 20 snaps a game. As coaches, we spend 50% of our time trying to figure out where to hide their kid on the field so it doesn't get us killed. At that age, managing personnel is harder than calling plays.

 

[aTotal360]

I've not seen the baseball-type problems in football. The biggest problem a football coach has is winning - you win, parents like you, if you don't, they don't. I'm not saying that's the way it should be, but it's usually that simple. Usually it's clear who needs the playing time in football, it's just a different animal.

I was coaching Upward basketball a few years ago. Got lucky and had the best team. I was beating everybody, while at the same time playing the shltty kids half the time (had 10 on the team, so everybody played half the game, and the best ones might get an extra period here and there, depending on the math). I found out a year or so later there was STILL a parent that was pissed off about that season, because her son didn't start. The kid didn't suck, but he wasn't good, and he was one of the younger ones. And he played at least half of every game. And we won every game. They are just clueless - and now these parents are all up the single A travel ball circuit trying to manipulate things for their kid.

All that to say, it does seem that football weeds out the middle daddy-baller types, just by the nature of it. It's more of a team unifier more than an individual achievement sort of thing.

Oddly enough, I have more problems with mommas than daddies.

Dads at least know their son sucks and can get hurt if their kid stands around and doesn't go hard. Mommas don't have a clue. They aren't able to distinguish a starter from a backup. So of course they think little Johnny can play runningback "If only he is given a chance".

I coached Upward soccer for about 4 years. My teams were undefeated for 3 of those years. At the young ages it was coed. It's fun to see the little girls kick the boys' butts. One season, I had 2 girls who were 2 of the top 5 kids in the league (including the boys). We were winning games 20-0. The kicker was at any given point, you had to have at least 1 girl on the field. I only had 2 so I could never really ease off the gas because both of my girls were Clydesdales.

 

[AdamDawgDude]

This is my first season coaching baseball in Franklin, TN. The kids go through assessments and the parents are talked about just as much as the kids. My favorite blackball was the kid whose mom threw a fit in the spring because he didn’t make the minors (lower division) all-star team. I also found out that his parents have a pending lawsuit against Williamson County schools. No thanks.

We took several kids that had notes like “can’t play for ****, but parents are awesome and he is a super nice and respectful kid.”

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

I coached Upward soccer for about 4 years. My teams were undefeated for 3 of those years. At the young ages it was coed. It's fun to see the little girls kick the boys' butts. One season, I had 2 girls who were 2 of the top 5 kids in the league (including the boys). We were winning games 20-0. The kicker was at any given point, you had to have at least 1 girl on the field. I only had 2 so I could never really ease off the gas because both of my girls were Clydesdales.

I coached upward basketball for years. The refs were mostly HS kids volunteering. Many barely knew the rules and often made no calls, I understood that and was fine with it.

This was a 99% white league, but one year I happened to have an African American kid who as a 6th grader (or however old upward kids were) could beat most adults one-on-one. As upward is not a league about winning, but more about teaching sportsmanship and leading kids to Christ, I did not let him take over games (we would have destroyed every team we played). Well toward the end of the season, an opposing coach was riding a young female volunteer ref hard, so hard that at the half it took all my control not to fight him, but I did turn my secret weapon loose, and we destroyed his team.

The humiliation was his punishment, I doubt he learned a lesson out of it, but it sure felt good to me.

I often wonder what became of that kid, he'd be in his 20s now. I remember his first name, or what we called him, for years I checked the HS basketball scores to look for a player with his name, but never found him.

 

[OG Goat Holder]

I coached upward basketball for years. The refs were mostly HS kids volunteering. Many barely knew the rules and often made no calls, I understood that and was fine with it.

This was a 99% white league, but one year I happened to have an African American kid who as a 6th grader (or however old upward kids were) could beat most adults one-on-one. As upward is not a league about winning, but more about teaching sportsmanship and leading kids to Christ, I did not let him take over games (we would have destroyed every team we played). Well toward the end of the season, an opposing coach was riding a young female volunteer ref hard, so hard that at the half it took all my control not to fight him, but I did turn my secret weapon loose, and we destroyed his team.

The humiliation was his punishment, I doubt he learned a lesson out of it, but it sure felt good to me.

I often wonder what became of that kid, he'd be in his 20s now. I remember his first name, or what we called him, for years I checked the HS basketball scores to look for a player with his name, but never found him.

Ha, what Upward did you play for? Round these parts, if you know the league director they'll let you stack the team based on who claims they will ride together (basically, all the Hartfield kids). It's laughable that this is leading anyone to Christ. If anything, it may go the other way.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Ha, what Upward did you play for? Round these parts, if you know the league director they'll let you stack the team based on who claims they will ride together (basically, all the Hartfield kids). It's laughable that this is leading anyone to Christ. If anything, it may go the other way.

Probably the same organization as you, but it was 20ish years ago. I don't know if it was solely Pinelake, but we did play a lot of games there, the NWR gym (can't remember if it was the Middle School or HS?) and the White Church gym near where Hartfield is. That particular year, I don't know i was actually the coach, I may have come back from deployment with the season already underway and been a "fill in" coach for the game.

When you get to be my age, "recently" can mean anywhere from this morning to 50 years ago.

 

[dawgstudent]

I'm in the tournament baseball circuit now. My son is 9. He loves baseball and I just keep telling him you let me know the day you don't want to do this - we will finish your commitment and then we can stop. But he has a drive for it. He will go outside and hit off the tee without me. That might change tomorrow but I will foster his love as long as he wants to pursue it.

And I am not a huge fan of baseball. I definitely don't push it. He also plays basketball and flag football. I am a believer in playing different sports.

 

[OG Goat Holder]

I'm in the tournament baseball circuit now. My son is 9. He loves baseball and I just keep telling him you let me know the day you don't want to do this - we will finish your commitment and then we can stop. But he has a drive for it. He will go outside and hit off the tee without me. That might change tomorrow but I will foster his love as long as he wants to pursue it.

And I am not a huge fan of baseball. I definitely don't push it. He also plays basketball and flag football. I am a believer in playing different sports.

Well it ain't slowing down. Last I checked there were already like 90 select teams at that age . That's like double what was out there when my kid was 9 (3 years ago). May as well embrace it, it's the hobby of choice for central MS.

The biggest problem to me is the fall. But if your kid is only doing flag football it's doable. Once they start tackle it's hard to do both. Baseball takes precedent for most people here and they don't take too well to missing practice. No surprise to me why our college teams do better here.

Guess we will eventually find out if all the playing is truly killing arms, and if all these new economy baseball bros' "throwing programs" actually work. Seems to me like it's a way to convince parents to continually play ball year round and pay them in the process.

 

[mstateglfr]

It also occured to me that on a forum this large there is at least one of "those parents". I wonder if they know they suck or if they are like the idiots on their phone driving and assume they are doing a pretty good job of it.

I have a few parents that are overly involved and dont understand or care about boundaries. These are varsity girls that are 16 thru 18 and the parents work really hard for me to sometimes remember why I choose to coach.
One of the parents texted me last week with a few random thoughts that are not even accurate since he doesnt understand how everything works. He ended the text with 'thanks for what you do and putting up with opinionated parents like me'.

I think its worse to know you are one of those bad parents and accept it rather than not recognize it. Its almost sociopathic to know and choose to not do anything about it.

 

[horshack.sixpack]

I have a few parents that are overly involved and dont understand or care about boundaries. These are varsity girls that are 16 thru 18 and the parents work really hard for me to sometimes remember why I choose to coach.
One of the parents texted me last week with a few random thoughts that are not even accurate since he doesnt understand how everything works. He ended the text with 'thanks for what you do and putting up with opinionated parents like me'.

I think its worse to know you are one of those bad parents and accept it rather than not recognize it. Its almost sociopathic to know and choose to not do anything about it.

My experience is that the most dangerous people are those who seem to completely lack self-awareness. There are plenty of them out there. It is one of the key things that I try to discern in interviews about a person. If you don't 1) Understand that everyone has strengths/weaknesses and 2) Know what your weaknesses are and 3) know to get others to help when asked to do something you aren't good at, then I don't want you on my team.

I've seen way too many youth parents actually brag about their antics as if they were doing the Lord's work out there...complete and total delta bravos

 

[OG Goat Holder]

My experience is that the most dangerous people are those who seem to completely lack self-awareness. There are plenty of them out there. It is one of the key things that I try to discern in interviews about a person. If you don't 1) Understand that everyone has strengths/weaknesses and 2) Know what your weaknesses are and 3) know to get others to help when asked to do something you aren't good at, then I don't want you on my team.

I've seen way too many youth parents actually brag about their antics as if they were doing the Lord's work out there...complete and total delta bravos

Problem is, these people can, and do, start travel teams in baseball. Routinely . Soccer at least seems to be done through clubs and while the coaches may be a 23 year old, there is at least some accountability.

Those folks live in the A and low AA levels since they mostly daddy-ball, thus aren't as good. So you want to get into the higher levels if you're going to mess with it. No regulation at all in baseball, anybody can pay the Grand Slam or Perfect Game yearly fee.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Well it ain't slowing down. Last I checked there were already like 90 select teams at that age . That's like double what was out there when my kid was 9 (3 years ago). May as well embrace it, it's the hobby of choice for central MS.

The biggest problem to me is the fall. But if your kid is only doing flag football it's doable. Once they start tackle it's hard to do both. Baseball takes precedent for most people here and they don't take too well to missing practice. No surprise to me why our college teams do better here.

Guess we will eventually find out if all the playing is truly killing arms, and if all these new economy baseball bros' "throwing programs" actually work. Seems to me like it's a way to convince parents to continually play ball year round and pay them in the process.

90 ish 9 year old teams in the Jxn area? Yikes! I'm assuming rec ball is suffering mightily?

 

[OG Goat Holder]

90 ish 9 year old teams in the Jxn area? Yikes! I'm assuming rec ball is suffering mightily?

Nah that's statewide. I count 32 in the immediate Jackson metro (Clinton, Madison, Brandon, Florence, Flowood, Ridgeland), per Grand Slam. Still nuts.

Rec ball is plumb awful.

 

[Lucifer Morningstar]

All ******* youth baseball parents end up with me. I hope that helps when you have to deal with them.

 

[johnson86-1]

All ******* youth baseball parents end up with me. I hope that helps when you have to deal with them.

Travel ball has got to be a huge blessing for you. I know lots of otherwise decent people that are just horrendous when it comes to kids sports. I'm sure the success rate isn't nearly as good as when you get to work with the ole undefeated, but lots of people just aren't really in a position to act on their temptations with that, but just about every parent gets the opportunity to act like an insane douchebag in kids sports and most seem to be loathe to pass on the opportunity.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

I did a lot of volunteer coaching in the late 80s and early 90s for junior high football and girls softball. Softball teams were not a problem because I coached developmental team. They consisted of girls who needed to work on their game to before the next fall season began. The parents were very easy work with.
I coached my son baseball in Starkville, and it was pretty easily as well. Parents were easy to work with.

Then I came to Texas and spent one season helping coach the defensive line on my sons, pop Warner team. Was in the middle of a war between the head, coach and parents for the beginning of that season by the time we made a plow had gotten out of it, but, just barely. it made me hang up the coach whistle started in the 80s and ended in the 2000s. I have had experiences once or twice with parents like you're talking about. I just told the mother to hit the road and take her with her. her kids straightened it out for me and I never heard another peep out of her the rest of the season. The thing is her daughter was most improved player had that year and I was just about ready to start her.

I've got several other good stories that are fun and I will share them sometime if you wanna hear them. the biggest thing I wanted to add was this. I can tell you parents are challenging at times. The best thing you can do is as Drebin said and let them know what to expect before the season starts. You'll have an easier time dealing with them if you are already set their expectations, and some times you will occasionally get some help from them.

 

[Darryl Steight]

This may not be applicable in the OP case, but I have noticed over the years that most of the a-hole parents - or at least the ones who take it the most serious and as a personal affront to themselves if their kid doesn't play - are usually the ones where this is their oldest child. It's the former athletes who still think they could suit up if needed, and expect little Johnny or Suzy to be as good as they remember themselves to be. So everything is totally serious/all in/matter of life or death to them. We have parents on my 8 year old daughter's soccer team that act like this. I just sit back and point and laugh.

Once you have a kid or two (or three) play sports, you realize (a) they probably aren't going pro; and (b) no amount of shouting, sideline coaching, or general assholery from you the parent is going to make a difference in how good they are. In fact, it can work against you to yell and put pressure and/or embarrass them. So the more experienced parents generally know to just chill and enjoy it while they can. I want mine to win every game of course, but as long as they are giving their best effort, I should really be okay with the outcome.

 

[MSUDOG24]

This may not be applicable in the OP case, but I have noticed over the years that most of the a-hole parents - or at least the ones who take it the most serious and as a personal affront to themselves if their kid doesn't play - are usually the ones where this is their oldest child. It's the former athletes who still think they could suit up if needed, and expect little Johnny or Suzy to be as good as they remember themselves to be. So everything is totally serious/all in/matter of life or death to them. We have parents on my 8 year old daughter's soccer team that act like this. I just sit back and point and laugh.

Once you have a kid or two (or three) play sports, you realize (a) they probably aren't going pro; and (b) no amount of shouting, sideline coaching, or general assholery from you the parent is going to make a difference in how good they are. In fact, it can work against you to yell and put pressure and/or embarrass them. So the more experienced parents generally know to just chill and enjoy it while they can. I want mine to win every game of course, but as long as they are giving their best effort, I should really be okay with the outcome.

Thank goodness I'm waaayy past any of this but do enjoy the tales on here of modern day parenting life. Closet I come are those though my daughter and grandkids. To your point, 8yo grandson playing tackle football last year and was told he needed to "watch film" by the coach. Yep, that guy, former walk on at KY and all in to it. Did I mention he was 17'ing 8? Daughter and I did get a good laugh.

 

[Bulldog45]

Thank goodness I'm waaayy past any of this but do enjoy the tales on here of modern day parenting life. Closet I come are those though my daughter and grandkids. To your point, 8yo grandson playing tackle football last year and was told he needed to "watch film" by the coach. Yep, that guy, former walk on at KY and all in to it. Did I mention he was 17'ing 8? Daughter and I did get a good laugh.

By watch film did he mean watch film in the literal sense or watch games on television to get a better understanding of the game? I’ve made recommendations to kids to watch and listen to games before. One thing I’ve noticed working with kids these days in multiple sports is their understanding of the game is basically based on highlight clips they’ve watched on YouTube. When the do watch a game many generally do so with a device in their hand or something else going on.

Back in my day there weren’t distractions and 24/7 sports available. When the MLB game of the week came on Saturday that was it, so if you wanted to watch baseball you better sit down and watch it. You’d watch the game and have great announcers like Vin Scully and Joe Garagiola teach you the game while you watched. If it was football had Sumrall and Madden to teach you. To me that’s a major issue with kids these days, not having any sort of understanding of the games they play prior to attempting to play them.

 

[goodknight]

I’ll preface this to say - I am a paid coach (minimal) and yes I have a kid on team

it’s fall season so I understand other sports are being played - we have practices 2x per week (one indoor/outdoor) open for everyone-if you can’t make it, ok, get your work in on the other days

all that said, we have 12 on the roster understanding that we’re most likely playing with 9 or 10 - this past weekend had all 12 - so more sitting than most parents like (I’ve erred on sitting mine more - he gets ABs and plays wherever/whenever - I don’t care if he’s in RF, C, SS etc) he’s 11 - that will all sort itself out in 3-4 years

one particular kid in midst of football hasn’t made many if any practices (remember get your work in) and has left tournaments early for football - ok no problem- we work defense and bench based on who is coming and going

yesterday said kid sat for 3innings total but is hitting in the 5 spot - he’s starting the game sitting because, he’s the first guy up to warm to go in to pitch if starter is off or is getting shelled in bracket

ole dad (who is a varsity fb coach and hc for varsity on WBB) shows up late to game after tying one on (again) at BWWs - he gets pissed “his boy is sitting” again (let’s everyone know his displeasure at facility) - he tells his boy, pack your stuff we’re leaving in bottom 1st with his boy on deck coming up in top of 2nd

I’ve had great experiences with parents overall over the years

it just sucks for the kid that not only is he teaching that kind of life lesson to his son but that he also gets to impact other kids as well whom is not his

Not an issue on your part. They can find another team if unhappy with PT. So if all 12 show and all parents are like this you’re down 3. Entitlement and if dad’s a coach should freaking know what the deal is

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

By watch film did he mean watch film in the literal sense or watch games on television to get a better understanding of the game? I’ve made recommendations to kids to watch and listen to games before. One thing I’ve noticed working with kids these days in multiple sports is their understanding of the game is basically based on highlight clips they’ve watched on YouTube. When the do watch a game many generally do so with a device in their hand or something else going on.

I think we found the KY walk-on...

 

[Bulldog45]

I think we found the KY walk-on...

Nah, but we may have found the guy who drops his kid off at the field and expects to pick up an all star.

 

[MSUDOG24]

By watch film did he mean watch film in the literal sense or watch games on television to get a better understanding of the game? I’ve made recommendations to kids to watch and listen to games before. One thing I’ve noticed working with kids these days in multiple sports is their understanding of the game is basically based on highlight clips they’ve watched on YouTube. When the do watch a game many generally do so with a device in their hand or something else going on.

Back in my day there weren’t distractions and 24/7 sports available. When the MLB game of the week came on Saturday that was it, so if you wanted to watch baseball you better sit down and watch it. You’d watch the game and have great announcers like Vin Scully and Joe Garagiola teach you the game while you watched. If it was football had Sumrall and Madden to teach you. To me that’s a major issue with kids these days, not having any sort of understanding of the games they play prior to attempting to play them.

Unfortunately it was the literal sense as they "filmed" practice. Like I said, way past all of this but generally just amazed reading these threads and visiting the grand kids how organized and serious youth sports have become. Trying to think back and guess it was 7th grade before things got serious "back in my day" : > ). Before that it was front yard tackle and a little rec ball in pads on the elementary school fields.

I will say your comment and point brought back a funny memory. When I "moved up" to rec ball from the front yard the coach asked me what I wanted to play on D as obviously everyone needed to play both ways. I always liked being a receiver and had already declared I wanted to be an "end" on offense as it was known back when. I didn't know anything about the D side so I said, "defensive end" thinking they were the ones across from the "offensive ends". Imagine my surprise when he walked me down to the tackle box. Kind of embarrassed so I didn't say anything. Played it out, had some fun and survived the experience to still tell the story today.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Nah, but we may have found the guy who drops his kid off at the field and expects to pick up an all star.

Don't get your feelings hurt, I'm sure you learned a lot holding a tackling dummy for Rich Brooks.

 

[Bulldog45]

Don't get your feelings hurt, I'm sure you learned a lot holding a tackling dummy for Rich Brooks.

Heaven forbid anyone encourage a kid to watch a ballgame.

 

[greenbean.sixpack]

Heaven forbid anyone encourage a kid to watch a ballgame.

Hey man, get those 8 year olds in the film room! Gotta learn sometime! Little Braxxton got to step it up if he's gonna make the all tourney team.