Mike Leach uses childhood memory about dinosaurs to hilariously troll own team ahead of bye week

If Mississippi State players don’t start using their hands better, their children and grandchildren will be born without hands, according to Bulldogs head coach Mike Leach.

That was just one of many eyebrow-raising statements made by Leach in an epic post-game press conference. In short, Leach told this tale of his childhood dinosaur toys, which reminded him of evolution. In evolution, organisms adapt to their environment and through natural selection, physically change over generations to live easier in the climate they’re in.

To Leach, he’s fearful that his team could begin the next stage of human evolution due to the lack of hands used in the 30-6 losing effort against Alabama Saturday night. The Mississippi State team’s hands might simply disappear if they aren’t used in the near future.

Leach hopes this won’t be the case, but he fears the worse as the season continues. With two-straight losses in SEC play, the Bulldogs still have the likes of Georgia and Ole Miss on the docket – and they certainly don’t stand a chance without any hands.

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Below is the full story, as told my Mike Leach following the Alabama loss. Enjoy:

“Well I think we need to use our hands better. We don’t move our hands very good. You know, when I was a kid and I was in grade school, there was this nice big dinosaur guy. I can’t remember the gas station, but they would give you a free dinosaur [toy] if you filled up there. That’s back when they had commercials on TV and then they would give something to the kids like me. And then the idea was that you should raise hell with your parents every time you’re in the station wagon. We had one, a good classic like one off the Wonder Years, one of those fake woody ones, you know, fake painted-on wood.

“But then the best is it would always without exception the finish and the varnish on it would peel. So then it looked more bogus than ever. So we had one of those and of course I tried to sit way back, in that jump seat back there, so you could pretend you were in a spaceship or something, and, but anyway, so they’d have these commercials and they’re hoping to get the kids to raise hell, ‘Let’s go to this gas station.’ I can’t remember what the gas station it was, and they’d give you a little dinosaur, you know. And you’d go to grade school and all that, and they’d start talking about evolution like as in if you don’t use a certain part of your body, as time evolves over century upon century, in natural selection, that part of the body disappears and even that animal might disappear. 

“I’m genuinely fearful that on our team if me and the other coaches don’t get them right, that about a generation from now their kids and their grandkids won’t have hands. Because from a lack of use those hands just disappear. Maybe they’ll be like this (Leach does raptor hands at the podium), like those dinosaur hands like this, And you’ve got like a tyrannosaurus rex, which is clearly really good at eating things, with big ol’ jaws and all that stuff, certainly athletic and can run. Those hands are like this (gestures again). I think we took a very, very, very big step as a team, which we have to correct this. We have to correct this because, you know, I think that its best in the end  for these guys that they have good hand development and that they don’t evolve to where they don’t have hands.

“Ok, but we definitely didn’t use ours and so there certainly wasn’t any genetic reinforcement on our part that we should maintain our hands. I mean, and I don’t want all of a sudden guys driving across this country and then they get to Starkville, Mississippi, and all of a sudden there’s these athletic-looking friendly guys, because we have great guys, that don’t have any hands. And I hope that that’s not the case, but that’s where we’re headed right now. And we’re going to try to get that fixed during this off week.”