Kentucky LB JJ Weaver shares how the loss of his father led him to create grief support group
JJ Weaver never felt pain in his life like what he experienced in 2020. Then in his second season at Kentucky, the linebacker lost his father, Terrance, who was murdered in a shooting.
Teammates and coaches started to notice he wasn’t himself at practice. Weaver also suffered a torn ACL in the second to last game of that season, causing his mood to sink further. He then lost his former high school coach to cancer ahead of the 2021 season.
By that point, it all started to feel like too much for Weaver to handle on his own. He made the choice to open up to his coaches about his mental health, and it ended up being one of the best decisions he ever made.
“Losing somebody that you really love, you lose you,” he said Tuesday on The Paul Finebaum Show. “So I lost myself at the moment and I couldn’t cope. At UK, it was COVID. Everything was locked down. So you couldn’t really do a lot. So I was inside just hurting so bad. I ended up tearing my ACL against Florida, so I couldn’t really play football. So I was really hurting. I couldn’t be out there with my teammates. So my strength coach and my strength and conditioning trainer, he seen my mode. I was coming in every day, head down and not being myself.
“He took me into his office and I actually told him what was going on. I told him I lost my dad. I’m not really myself anymore. I don’t know how to cope. So I ended up talking with coach (Mark) Stoops and me and coach Stoops had a similar story. He lost his dad in his early college years. I could cope through coach Stoops. I understand how he felt so that made me feel a little better about myself. They ended up having me go to counseling.”
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Because of COVID, Weaver began his therapy sessions via zoom. He didn’t feel much of a connection with his first counselor and later switched to in-person sessions with a new one.
That is when his journey toward brighter days truly began, as his second therapist was better able to empathize with his personal experience. He slowly but surely got better.
Weaver thought back on the resources to help him, and decided to do what he could to make it easier for others to find help. He founded Perfect Fit, a peer support group to help student athletes at Kentucky understand the grieving process.
“It started with a class assignment,” JJ Weaver explained. “My doctor, she helped me with a lot. She helped me set everything up. It was an honor. I’m excited to actually give back because at one point I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I was struggling and I needed help. I ended up finding help and so I think when somebody goes through grieving or mental health that’s really bad, you need to talk to somebody to get it off your chest.
“That’s my job. That’s what I want to do now. I want the Perfect Fit grieving group to go big. I think everybody needs help and everybody’s dealing with a lot of things. You’re not the only one in the world dealing with grief.”
Not only does JJ Weaver’s group work with Kentucky athletes, but it is also partnered with the Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families. That has given him the opportunity to help young people who look up to him and are going through a tough time.
Weaver tries to help them understand that, as hopeless as it can feel in the moment, there are better days ahead. He remembers what it was like, and now that he is on the other side, he’s offering help to others in the same way it was given to him.
“It makes me feel like I was in their shoes,” he said of working with the kids. “It makes me feel like the younger me. I can cope with them like, ‘Hey, look. Everything’s gonna be OK. I know at this point, you’re going through it. I was at that point before. But you can’t give up. You gotta keep fighting.’ I tell them, ‘I’m here for you. If you need anything, call me. I don’t care if I’m in practice. Just call me. Cope with me.’
“Somebody needs someone to talk to, so I feel like I’m that person to actually help someone to understand grieving. To get through grieving. If you’re losing somebody you really love, it’s really hard to get over that. So I understand.”