Incident with an autistic child and his father. I’m probably the idiot here.

[BobPSU92]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

 

[LionJim]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

The father responded very poorly and inappropriately.

 

[WVilleLion23]

You are the idiot for being in a Starbucks. He is the idiot for not apologizing and explaining the situation in a politer manner.

 

[BobPSU92]

The father responded very poorly and inappropriately.

Thanks. It sounds callous, but I felt like the father was hiding behinds his son’s autism rather than accepting responsibility. Still, I am curious how others see it. Maybe some parents here have been in his shoes.

 

[laKavosiey-st lion]

I deal with a ROWDY autistic kid (6 years old) at work and he is NEVER unattended. The dad is wrong, The kid could hurt himself, run into traffic or otherwise get smacked. Carry on, you good bro
ill also add I taught him how to say Rick. I get a dozen “hi ricks“ a day, each one awesone

 

[SleepyLion]

None of your actions proves your not an idiot.

 

[Nitt1300]

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

In current day 'merica, parents have no responsibility at all.

 

[BobPSU92]

In current day 'merica, parents have no responsibility at all.

America laughs at accountability.

 

[LionJim]

In current day 'merica, parents have no responsibility at all.

I live in a cul-de-sac with numerous grade school kids and every one of them is a nice, polite kid who looks you in the eye when talking to you. An outlier? Maybe.

 

[kijanalives]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

You’re the a$$hole here, Bob. Sorry…

You only control your actions and reactions, not those around you.

I’ve reacted instinctively like this many times when startled, it may even feel justified. But it’s not….I was wrong, and so were you.

It’s not your kid, which means, in NEARLY every instance, you have no right to yell at/ or redirect their behavior.

Autism is irrelevant.

 

[Bkmtnittany1]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

If you were in a bar drinking a beer it never would have happened!!

 

[WVilleLion23]

You’re the a$$hole here, Bob. Sorry…

You only control your actions and reactions, not those around you.

I’ve reacted instinctively like this many times when startled, it may even feel justified. But it’s not….I was wrong, and so were you.

It’s not your kid, which means, in NEARLY every instance, you have no right to yell at/ or redirect their behavior.

Autism is irrelevant.

You are correct. Bob is the a hole for not saying, stop yelling in my ear you lil f wad and also for not telling the dad he is a bigger f wad.

 

[BobPSU92]

You’re the a$$hole here, Bob. Sorry…

You only control your actions and reactions, not those around you.

I’ve reacted instinctively like this many times when startled, it may even feel justified. But it’s not….I was wrong, and so were you.

It’s not your kid, which means, in NEARLY every instance, you have no right to yell at/ or redirect their behavior.

Autism is irrelevant.

The father had no issue making autism relevant, at least in his mind.

Could I have handled it better? The armchair quarterback can easily say yes. It all happened fast. I was looking down at my phone and didn’t see the kid until he ran quickly next to me and yelled loudly in my ear. In the heat of the moment, I yelled at him to stop. At that moment, I didn’t know why he was yelling and if he would continue.

Still, what about the parent’s responsibility? Disturbing another customer is minor compared to what could happen. With the kid running fast through the store, he could run into someone or something, he could fall, etc. Someone could get seriously hurt. Unfortunately, the parent did nothing to control his son, and when there was an incident, he brought up autism and tried to make it my issue. I don’t accept his position. The child can’t control himself, so it’s the responsibility of the parent to be a parent.

 

[BobPSU92]

I live in a cul-de-sac with numerous grade school kids and every one of them is a nice, polite kid who looks you in the eye when talking to you. An outlier? Maybe.

They know not to mess with you.

 

[psuno1]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

How do you the like the unisex or gender neutral bathrooms Bob? No Scone again? What the heck is going on?

 

[BobPSU92]

How do you the like the unisex or gender neutral bathrooms Bob? No Scone again? What the heck is going on?

Yeah, no scone. I am an a$$hole.

 

[psuro]

I live in a cul-de-sac with numerous grade school kids and every one of them is a nice, polite kid who looks you in the eye when talking to you. An outlier? Maybe.

You live in the town of Stepford?

 

[Catch1lion]

In a calm voice , you should have stated to the father I’m on the spectrum too. Then suddenly yell out , hey who took my tongs !

 

[Catch1lion]

I live in a cul-de-sac with numerous grade school kids and every one of them is a nice, polite kid who looks you in the eye when talking to you. An outlier? Maybe.

Is your home in Tokyo ?

 

[laKavosiey-st lion]

None of your actions proves your not an idiot

who sees irony?

 

[Ludd]

In a calm voice , you should have stated to the father I’m on the spectrum too. Then suddenly yell out , hey who took my tongs !

Even better he should have said, “I have Tourette’s you f’n a** hole.”

 

[Paws057]

The father had no issue making autism relevant, at least in his mind.

Could I have handled it better? The armchair quarterback can easily say yes. It all happened fast. I was looking down at my phone and didn’t see the kid until he ran quickly next to me and yelled loudly in my ear. In the heat of the moment, I yelled at him to stop. At that moment, I didn’t know why he was yelling and if he would continue.

Still, what about the parent’s responsibility? Disturbing another customer is minor compared to what could happen. With the kid running fast through the store, he could run into someone or something, he could fall, etc. Someone could get seriously hurt. Unfortunately, the parent did nothing to control his son, and when there was an incident, he brought up autism and tried to make it my issue. I don’t accept his position. The child can’t control himself, so it’s the responsibility of the parent to be a parent.

You didn’t do anything wrong Bob. How the heck are you supposed to know the kid has autism? Sounds like the father is using that for an excuse to let his kid run wild anywhere he wishes. I know what my mom or dad would have done if I was running wild in a store…a$$ beating…

 

[Paws057]

Even better he should have said, “I have Tourette’s you f’n a** hole.”

 

[psuro]

The father had no issue making autism relevant, at least in his mind.

Could I have handled it better? The armchair quarterback can easily say yes. It all happened fast. I was looking down at my phone and didn’t see the kid until he ran quickly next to me and yelled loudly in my ear. In the heat of the moment, I yelled at him to stop. At that moment, I didn’t know why he was yelling and if he would continue.

Still, what about the parent’s responsibility? Disturbing another customer is minor compared to what could happen. With the kid running fast through the store, he could run into someone or something, he could fall, etc. Someone could get seriously hurt. Unfortunately, the parent did nothing to control his son, and when there was an incident, he brought up autism and tried to make it my issue. I don’t accept his position. The child can’t control himself, so it’s the responsibility of the parent to be a parent.

You are in a no win situation here. And that, in and of itself is part of the problem.

If you even gently said something to the child, you would have been wrong. The mere acknowledgment of the child’s actions would put you in a bad spot. Based on how you presented the situation, it would appear the father did use the issue of his child’s autism as a both sword and a shield against you. But honestly - how are you supposed to know? It’s not like the kids wear a sign.

All you can do is learn from it, and move forward.

 

[PSU Mike]

I never fully understood the “you can’t say anything to my kid” thing. I suppose that means you can’t say anything to an adult either unless you are a judge, or maybe law enforcement? We have to live among others. If we always leave it to somebody else to communicate that a certain behavior makes others uncomfortable the full message may never get across.

Anyway, valid reflex is fine. If it turns out your reaction was not appropriate had it been thought out then an explanation very well may be in order. Along the same lines, the person on the other end should cut you a break on a reflexive action like yours. IMO his bringing up his son’s condition was “parallel” to you explaining your reaction was reflex - it goes to clarifying why what happened, happened. The whole “you could leave” thing was totally inappropriate.

 

[psuno1]

The father should have some kind of control over his child in public- autistic or not,-good for you to try to correct him. his father should have been doing that- instead of telling you not to correct him,

 

[Bkmtnittany1]

Yeah, no scone. I am an a$$hole.

You’re a good man, it wasn’t your fault. Sleep well tonight.

 

[BW Lion]

So I’m sitting in Starbucks with a latte, head down, reading an article on my phone, and minding my business. All of a sudden, a boy, about eight years old, runs close by my table very fast and screams loudly in a high pitch. He screamed right in my ear and startled the hell out of me. Instinctively, I yelled at the kid, “Hey! Don’t yell in my ear!”

The father was nearby waiting for a drink and told me not to yell at his son. I calmly explained what happened, at which point the father says that his son is autistic. So I said that I had no way of knowing that and that his son still yelled loudly and startled me. The father then said that I should leave if it bothers me. Of course, I didn’t. Moments later, he got his drink, and he and his son left.

I guess I’m the idiot, but what responsibility does a parent with an autistic child have? Presumably, the kid can’t control himself, but that doesn’t mean that he has free rein to do whatever he wants, does it? I feel for the kid, but isn’t the parent supposed to watch his son and not allow him to run around a store screaming? Obviously I can’t tell that a rambunctious kid is autistic. It’s O.K. for the parent to essentially use his son’s autism as a license to do whatever he wants, tell me to leave, and not accept any responsibility?

What is the parent’s responsibility here?

If events occurred as you allege, you are not to apologize or feel poorly.

It’s not the fault of the autistic child either. It’s the fault of the autistic child’s parent for putting their “allegedly autistic” child into a social situation for which they were unprepared and under-supervised.

I have noticed parents trying to explain poor parenting by claiming autism.

 

[GreggK]

I live in a cul-de-sac with numerous grade school kids and every one of them is a nice, polite kid who looks you in the eye when talking to you. An outlier? Maybe.

Kids these days. Been said for a millions years

 

[Midnighter]

As the parent of a seven year old boy I generally give kids a pass unless they’re doing something dangerous or harmful; my kid has thrown fits and crawled under tables, thrown toys in restaurants, etc. So, I know parents can have tough days and even getting a minute to yourself to enjoy a coffee can be a small miracle. I don’t know if you have kids but do find it odd that your instinct was to yell at the kid. Still, it’s not your fault as others have noted - the dad should not allow his kid to run around unsupervised (autistic or not).

 

[1995PSUGrad]

You’re the a$$hole here, Bob. Sorry…

You only control your actions and reactions, not those around you.

I’ve reacted instinctively like this many times when startled, it may even feel justified. But it’s not….I was wrong, and so were you.

It’s not your kid, which means, in NEARLY every instance, you have no right to yell at/ or redirect their behavior.

Autism is irrelevant.

I could not disagree with you more. If someone is annoying you, I believe you have the right to tell them so.

 

[WestSideLion]

The father should have some kind of control over his child in public- autistic or not,-good for you to try to correct him. his father should have been doing that- instead of telling you not to correct him,

As the father of a child on the autism spectrum, I likely know more than most on this thread.

It sounds like the father should have reacted better. The challenge is that we have no idea what the guy’s day to day is like. Having a child on the spectrum is never ending supervision, worry, therapy and very specific redirection. It’s exhausting for parents and caregivers.

The guy may have simply had a bad morning and desperately wanted his coffee to feel a bit better. Parents with kids on the spectrum have bad days too…likely way more than most. It doesn’t justify the response, but gives a bit of context.

 

[WestSideLion]

If events occurred as you allege, you are not to apologize or feel poorly.

It’s not the fault of the autistic child either. It’s the fault of the autistic child’s parent for putting their “allegedly autistic” child into a social situation for which they were unprepared and under-supervised.

I have noticed parents trying to explain poor parenting by claiming autism.

This is wrong on a lot of levels. In fact, one of the primary ways to help kids on the spectrum is to model regular social behavior. That doesn’t mean dad reacted properly, but keeping a child with autism at home and isolated from society is archaic and cruel.

 

[psuro]

i suppose the old 'The jerk store called-they said they were all out of you' retort is no longer in vogue?

 

[LionsAndBears]

My daughter has autism and at times it's impossible to control her. People who don't have children with autism have no clue how hard and at times impossible it is to manage their kids. Everyone thinks of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman when they hear someone has autism but it has a wide range from low functioning in which case a child can't take care of themselves and generally doesn't understand their social impact to high functioning in which case the child is often times quite intelligent and their diagnosis might not be that obvious.

My advice would be to try and be a little more understanding next time. Parents of kids with autism find it often quite difficult to go out in public and interactions like the one you described don't make it any easier.

 

[WVilleLion23]

This is wrong on a lot of levels. In fact, one of the primary ways to help kids on the spectrum is to model regular social behavior. That doesn’t mean dad reacted properly, but keeping a child with autism at home and isolated from society is archaic and cruel.

BW doesn’t say smart things.

 

[wbcbus]

I’ll fall in the middle here. I can’t imagine actually yelling at someone else’s kid, but I’d certainly tell him to stop and tell the parent to intervene, just wouldn’t be yelling.

So, yes it’s okay to say stop and you aren’t an a-hole for doing that, but maybe cool on the yelling. But this parent also isn’t without fault, and his reaction wasn’t appropriate. He should’ve explained why it’s happening so you can understand, but don’t use it to shame the other person.

 

[Tri-Power65]

The "father" needs to keep the little **** on a leash.

 

[BW Lion]

This is wrong on a lot of levels. In fact, one of the primary ways to help kids on the spectrum is to model regular social behavior. That doesn’t mean dad reacted properly, but keeping a child with autism at home and isolated from society is archaic and cruel.

Respectfully disagree. If you know your child has a tendency to “act out” either at home or in public, the last thing you do is allow said child to wander from your attendance and subject others to their errant behaviors. To do so is either wullful arrogance or ignorance.

It’s unfortunate that certain children are diagnosed as being austistic. That said, it’s incumbent on the parents to properly socialize and supervise them..as in not allowing them to wander off in a Starbucks.

 

[pamdlion]

i suppose the old 'The jerk store called-they said they were all out of you' retort is no longer in vogue?

If he dropped the “well I had sex with your wife” comeback he would have gotten punched.