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SRD_PSU

SRD_PSU

Member
Oct 13, 2021
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Worth the read -warning adult content....
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that
There was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again, and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him :
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick
& bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said : 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
 
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Bkmtnittany1

Well-known member
Oct 26, 2021
4,185
6,554
113
SRD_PSU said:
Worth the read -warning adult content....
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that
There was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.
They tried it again, and sure enough, there was definite movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him :
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral sex' will do the trick
& bring her out of the coma.'
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.
The husband said : 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
Click to expand...
OMG!
 
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Bosco2

Well-known member
Oct 25, 2021
548
803
93
step.eng69 said:
The dreaded rectal exam

A man is in the doctor’s examining room, bent over the table with his pants down around his ankles, anxiously awaiting the proctologist. Just then the door opens, and in walks the
proctologist who quickly starts working his fingers into his lubricated latex exam gloves.

“Alright Brian, it’s not your first proctology exam, so please relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says “but doctor, my names Phillip.”
The doctor responds “ I know. My name’s Brian.”
Click to expand...
Man is getting ready for his proctology exam, takes off his pants and asks the doctor " where should I hang my pants?". The doc replies "over there on the chair next to mine".
 
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step.eng69

step.eng69

Well-known member
Oct 12, 2021
2,705
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1679597641907.png

On a step, a priest sat next to a drunk struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
 
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PhillyBillyReprise

Well-known member
Oct 29, 2021
526
910
93
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied...

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
 
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Bison13

Well-known member
Oct 13, 2021
1,802
3,110
113
After 30 years of marriage, a woman tells her husband that they need to go get counseling. Once they get to the counselor, he asks the wife what she thinks the issue is. She goes on for about 10 minutes naming anything you can imagine. Finally the counselor stops her and gives her a long passionate kiss.

He then looks at the husband and says, “you need to do this for her at least 3 times a week”.

husband then thinks for a second and says to the counselor, “what days should I bring her by for you? As long as it’s not Friday, I can drop her off”
 
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psuro

psuro

Well-known member
Oct 12, 2021
7,247
15,996
113
Woodpecker said:
So do people routinely video themselves painting?
Click to expand...
When they scheme a "prank" so they can post it on social media, to draw people's interests, so they can scheme other pranks, to draw people's interests, and try to capitalize on that financially.
 
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PhillyBillyReprise

Well-known member
Oct 29, 2021
526
910
93
Don't fool with the French:

The corporate game.
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 euros
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 euros
This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said,
“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,
“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
 
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manatree

manatree

Well-known member
Oct 6, 2021
1,719
2,774
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LionJim said:
I was today years old… Freakin awesome.
Click to expand...
I understand the value of math, It’s just something that I have always struggled with. Always had to work twice as hard at math classes to get an A. For Calculus, I had to work three times as hard just to get an C in high school and college.

After spending the better part of a week doing budget projections for the next fiscal year, including four different staffing/hours scenarios. Hopefully one of them will appease those up my chain at PSU. I appreciate the numerically inclined. The more numbers you crunch, the less I have to.
 
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Woodpecker

Woodpecker

Well-known member
Oct 7, 2021
3,323
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manatree said:
I understand the value of math, It’s just something that I have always struggled with. Always had to work twice as hard at math classes to get an A. For Calculus, I had to work three times as hard just to get an C in high school and college.

After spending the better part of a week doing budget projections for the next fiscal year, including four different staffing/hours scenarios. Hopefully one of them will appease those up my chain at PSU. I appreciate the numerically inclined. The more numbers you crunch, the less I have to.
Click to expand...
So LionJim > numbers > manatree?
 
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LionJim

LionJim

Well-known member
Oct 12, 2021
9,600
13,182
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Woodpecker said:
So LionJim > numbers > manatree?
Click to expand...
Not in the slightest. Math just happens to be the thing I do best. The fact that I’m totally enamored with it has its role. Feynman: “What I cannot do, I do not understand.” So I put in the work, happy as a clam.
 
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step.eng69

step.eng69

Well-known member
Oct 12, 2021
2,705
3,810
113
LionJim said:
Not in the slightest. Math just happens to be the thing I do best. The fact that I’m totally enamored with it has its role. Feynman: “What I cannot do, I do not understand.” So I put in the work, happy as a clam.
Click to expand...

The devil in LionJim 🧐

That Was Evil​


I’m a writer, so as you can imagine, math wasn’t my favorite or strongest subject in school. I know that math is supposed to be logical, but I’m not a logical or mathematical person, Im very emotional, so math doesn’t make sense to me. And I know I can’t be the only one who struggled with math back in school!


As if math wasn’t har enough to begin with, they had to complicate things by adding the alphabet into the equation (math pun not intended). Thankfully, I didn’t have to deal with math too much since I graduated from college, so that’s one less thing to worry about in life. Math is someone else’s problem!
 
manatree

manatree

Well-known member
Oct 6, 2021
1,719
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The only thing worse than math is chemistry. It’s an unholy mashup of math and diagramming sentences.
 
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