With inflation and prices going through the roof, I've started to look hard for places to shop less expensively. I've found a great place for children's shoes...
The entrance to the bouncy house.
The entrance to the bouncy house.
Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is"
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly there after, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:
"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
Subject: HUSBAND # 11
A young man married a beautiful woman who had
previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding
night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I
am still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative, he kept
telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services, he was never
really sure how it was supposed to function, but he
said he'd look into it and get back to me."
"Husband #3 was from Field Service, he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get
the system up."
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing, even though he knew
he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able
to deliver."
"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic
process but wanted three years to research, implement
and design a new state-of-the-art method."
"Husband #6 was a labor union representative, he said
he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job
or not."
"Husband #7 was in Marketing, although he was familiar
with his product, he was never sure how to present
it."
"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist, all he ever did was
talk about it."
"Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at
it."
"Husband #10 was a stamp collector, God, I miss
him!!!!!!!!!!!"
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "But, why?"
"You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm
gonna get SCREWED!"
A young man married a beautiful woman who had
previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding
night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I
am still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if
you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative, he kept
telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services, he was never
really sure how it was supposed to function, but he
said he'd look into it and get back to me."
"Husband #3 was from Field Service, he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get
the system up."
"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing, even though he knew
he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able
to deliver."
"Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic
process but wanted three years to research, implement
and design a new state-of-the-art method."
"Husband #6 was a labor union representative, he said
he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job
or not."
"Husband #7 was in Marketing, although he was familiar
with his product, he was never sure how to present
it."
"Husband #8 was a psychiatrist, all he ever did was
talk about it."
"Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at
it."
"Husband #10 was a stamp collector, God, I miss
him!!!!!!!!!!!"
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "But, why?"
"You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm
gonna get SCREWED!"
YOUR HAIR SMELLS GOOD!
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at
the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that
her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint
to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants
to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,
'what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?'
The woman replies, 'It's Kevin the midget."
I watched Norm MacDonald tell this one on youtube in his inimitable style:
A man's wife is in a coma and he goes to the doctor, "Please. You gotta save her. Anything, whatever it costs, I'll do it. Please. Anything.
The doctor thinks for a minute and then says, "There's one thing I heard about but never witnessed. It's weird, but you said anything. Well, I read that in extreme cases if a patient is in a coma, sometimes having oral sex will bring them out of it."
The husband says, "i'll do it." He races out of the hospital hallway and into his wife's room.
Five minutes later the husbands runs out of the room in a panic. "Doctor! You gotta help her. She's choking to death!"
A man's wife is in a coma and he goes to the doctor, "Please. You gotta save her. Anything, whatever it costs, I'll do it. Please. Anything.
The doctor thinks for a minute and then says, "There's one thing I heard about but never witnessed. It's weird, but you said anything. Well, I read that in extreme cases if a patient is in a coma, sometimes having oral sex will bring them out of it."
The husband says, "i'll do it." He races out of the hospital hallway and into his wife's room.
Five minutes later the husbands runs out of the room in a panic. "Doctor! You gotta help her. She's choking to death!"
90 year old man picks up a 92year old woman at the bar one Saturday night.
“Say, how’d you like to come over my house for a night cap?” purrs the old lady.
“Why not!” replies the old man.
Well; one thing leads to another and they wind up spending the night together.
Some three days later the man develops an oozing drip from his penis.
Extremely upset; he runs to his doctor for an examination of the problem.
After the exam, the doctor says, “Just as I suspected. Do you remember the name of your sexual partner?”
“Yeah, I remember her name!”
“Do you remember where she lives?” asks the doctor.
“Yeah! I know where she lives.
The doctor responds, “Good! Hurry and get your a$$ over there. You’re about to cvm”
“Say, how’d you like to come over my house for a night cap?” purrs the old lady.
“Why not!” replies the old man.
Well; one thing leads to another and they wind up spending the night together.
Some three days later the man develops an oozing drip from his penis.
Extremely upset; he runs to his doctor for an examination of the problem.
After the exam, the doctor says, “Just as I suspected. Do you remember the name of your sexual partner?”
“Yeah, I remember her name!”
“Do you remember where she lives?” asks the doctor.
“Yeah! I know where she lives.
The doctor responds, “Good! Hurry and get your a$$ over there. You’re about to cvm”
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Never, ever, disturb a bear while they are walking their dogs.
@SJLuvsLions @Jstaar @gslachta You guys who are golfers and followed Bobby Knight's career will enjoy this
OMG I had no idea I was on camera...@SJLuvsLions @Jstaar @gslachta You guys who are golfers and followed Bobby Knight's career will enjoy this
Lol, that's Skeletor from the early 1980's kids cartoon Masters of the Universe. Like all cartoons from the era it had a life lesson at the end.
I taught a class before at Anne Arundel community college. Credit to that student for taking advantage of the situation.
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