OT - Say You’re Married without Saying You’re Married

[RotorHead]

FWIW, breaking into a bottle of A Cut Above - distilled in Kiln, MS. Good stuff with one ice cube.
Anyway, I’ll start.
“I have loaded a dishwasher, and folded clothes, incorrectly

 

[NTDawg]

I didn’t lock the door so I clearly wanted the person in the house to be abducted.

which Cut Above do you have? I have the bottle in bond not bad taste a little young but I like it a lot better Old Soul that is distilled in Mississippi, I am not talking about the stuff that they source from MGP.

 

[3000lbchicken]

Her: "Good for you"

 

[UpTheMiddlex3Punt]

What show should we binge after we finish "Virgin River"?

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

Never learn to cook or act like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen. She will give the job to you full-time… fast.

 

[karlchilders.sixpack]

I see knitting in your future.

 

[DesotoCountyDawg]

Never learn to cook or act like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen. She will give the job to you full-time… fast.

I have unfortunately fallen into this trap.

 

[IBleedMaroonDawg]

I have unfortunately fallen into this trap.

You know it’s really bad when Gordon Ramsay calls you once a week and tells you to get *** out of the damn kitchen! You’re giving chefs a bad name.

 

[MSUGUY]

FWIW, breaking into a bottle of A Cut Above - distilled in Kiln, MS. Good stuff with one ice cube.
Anyway, I’ll start.
“I have loaded a dishwasher, and folded clothes, incorrectly

Y’all want go out to eat? Ok, Primos 5:00

 

[skipper.sixpack]

I always put the toilet seat down

 

[DesotoCountyDawg]

I always put the toilet seat down

I have the wife and two girls so toilet seat down is always a must so I kinda solved that somewhat by putting the soft close seats on all the toilets. Now when I get done taking a leak I just barely flick the seat and let it do its thing.

 

[RotorHead]

I have the bottle in bond. I’ve had some of their single barrel, delicious. I wasn’t impressed with Old Soul when I had some. Although, they did just release a 7 and 9 year bourbon that is north of $130 and 120 proof

 

[skipper.sixpack]

Blanton’s single Barrel gold
$144 with a 10 buck off coupon

 

[BreckyBratt]

I have unfortunately fallen into this trap.

You know you've screwed up when she humble brags "I never cook, he's always doing the cooking"

 

[ToxicTimberDawg]

Buy and insert cell phone chargers into an outlet in every room in the house where frequently used so that there is no need to move them from room to room. Somehow, they still go missing.

 

[HailStout]

I think Everybody Loves Raymond is one of the funniest shows ever made

 

[Herbert Nenninger]

If I do some rudimentary task in the kitchen, like open a can or take something out of the oven, I like to follow it with a dramatic “mitt drop” in which I sling the oven mitt off my hand and walk away like a boss.

 

[Podgy]

I didn’t lock the door so I clearly wanted the person in the house to be abducted.

The "I didn't lock the door..." line is top shelf married man signifier. You found it first. Kudos.

 

[ToxicTimberDawg]

The "I didn't lock the door..." line is top shelf married man signifier. You found it first. Kudos.

Even when you are doing yard work and are within eyesight and 100 feet of said door the entire time.

 

[The Cooterpoot]

Decorating a tree

 

[Podgy]

Question to me: "Do you remember what you said to me four years ago when we were talking about going on a cruise?"
Me: No, that was four years ago. (Thinking to myself: Oh sh*t. I shouldn't have said that because here it comes.)

 

[HailStout]

I spend most of my life apologizing, most of the time I’m not sure why or what I am apologizing for

 

[kired]

I have expired food in my fridge that I did not buy…

(for the love of god, quit buying food you have no intentions of cooking)

 

[Perd Hapley]

Anytime I need to do yardwork is the wrong time.

 

[RotorHead]

I have the wife and two girls so toilet seat down is always a must so I kinda solved that somewhat by putting the soft close seats on all the toilets. Now when I get done taking a leak I just barely flick the seat and let it do its thing.

Wife and two girls as well.
it’s just as much my responsibility to put the toilet seat down as it is hers to ensure the toilet seat is up. Problem solved. No nagging since.

 

[UpTheMiddlex3Punt]

I think Everybody Loves Raymond is one of the funniest shows ever made

One of my favorite scenes from that show is when the annoying neighbor kid insists that he should get the last cannoli instead of Ray, takes a bite from it, and immediately spits it out and throws the thing away.

 

[SteelCurtain74]

1) I just expect to get gas first on any trip, no matter the distance, when I have to take her vehicle.

2) I end up picking where we go to eat after asking her where she would like to go a hundred times and still somehow always pick the wrong place.

 

[PapaDawg]

Can I go fishing tomorrow? Let me check and see if we have plans.

 

[woozman]

Never learn to cook or act like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen. She will give the job to you full-time… fast.

Bingo. My oldest child is 16 and my wife has hardly cooked in 16 years because I jumped into the kitchen to help out around the house when she was pregnant…

 

[Papapat.sixpack]

*

 

[johnson86-1]

Anytime I need to do yardwork is the wrong time.

I feel this and anytime I need to work on the boat or anything else is the wrong time, followed by a complaint that I don’t take care of our stuff.

 

[77Dog]

I've endured watching all the Virgin River episodes so far, have not started the one just released yet. Hoping she forgets it.

 

[POTUS]

I wait for 10 minutes minimum before we leave. Somehow I’m the only person in my household who understands how time works.

 

[Pilgrimdawg]

I know that Aurora Teagarden on the Hallmark channel is a person and not a place.

 

[ronpolk]

“I told you about this last week”

That seems to be the phrase most often said to me… worst thing is my pre-teen daughter has picked it up now too. It’s amazing I can work a fairly demanding job with customers and all… never seem to forget being told something, except by wife and daughter

 

[DerHntr]

Neighbor asks: what kind of dog did you just get?

Me: it’s a $700 mix between a Maltese and Shih Tzu.

 

[BulldogBlitz]

Never learn to cook or act like you know what you’re doing in the kitchen. She will give the job to you full-time… fast.

I dont mind that. Neither does she. I cooks good food.

 

[baddmann007]

1) I just expect to get gas first on any trip, no matter the distance, when I have to take her vehicle.

This ^^^

My wife hates pumping fuel. She will bring her vehicles home that says “2 miles to empty” and it’s 3 miles to gas station. Then she will tell me she needs fuel….

 

[AlCoDog]

FWIW, breaking into a bottle of A Cut Above - distilled in Kiln, MS. Good stuff with one ice cube.
Anyway, I’ll start.
“I have loaded a dishwasher, and folded clothes, incorrectly

Knows how to turn on every light in the house, but has no idea how to flip the switch in the opposite direction to turn them off. Has passed the trait on to my kids so it’s 4 vs 1 in this game.

 

[RotorHead]

to my wife and two daughters:
If you put your **** where it belongs, you wouldn’t be tearing around the house, late, because you can’t find it. This applies to clothes, shoes, school/work items, keys, wallets….the list is insurmountable.

you’re lack of preparation doesn’t make it my fault.

alas, I am outnumbered and always will be.