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OT - Say You’re Married without Saying You’re Married

kb549

kb549

Sophomore
Oct 6, 2014
825
129
43
FWIW: 2.5g Southern Grown Therapeutics Gorilla Glue Flower, Dabs of Gastro Pop Live Rosin and Jessica Rabbit Budder. (Last night)

I have a damn good job, should be independently wealthy after 22 years. I don’t have any expensive hobbies. Vehicle is paid for. House payment is 10% of my income. I travel most weeks and get my meals paid for. I don’t spend money. I’m damn near flat broke.

holla if ya hear me.
 
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PooPopsBaldHead

PooPopsBaldHead

All-American
Dec 15, 2017
8,690
7,289
113
  • I always have to clean the lint trap before and after using the dryer.
  • I have a closet full of ill fitting, uncomfortable clothes no man would ever buy.
  • I have a dozen useless hunting, golfing, or fishing devices that I have received as gifts.
  • Everytime I cook steak, I have to cook at least one small filet.
  • Every closet in my house has wrapping paper stuffed in the back for every possible occasion.
  • 90% of my cabinet space is taken up by some kind of serving dish that could not possibly be used more than once a year.
  • My shower has 37 different types of shampoo, conditioner, and cleanser taking up all of the shelf space. None of its mine.
  • My refrigerator always has greek yogurt and some type of bubbly water in it.
  • I break down a dozen Amazon and Target boxes a day only to have to put 11 of them back together to send the stuff that came in them back.
  • My feet apparently always stink and I fart too much. Every night I'm told I am need to go see a doctor about both conditions.
  • My shower drain is clogged with hair at least once a week.
  • I have at least 20 lamps and side tables scattered around my house.
  • I have dozens of unopened stationary or various thank you card and envelope sets that have never been used filling up a junk drawer.
  • I have a couple dozen pillows on my bed and only use one when I sleep.
 
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SchrodingersDawg

SchrodingersDawg

All-Conference
Sep 15, 2020
1,383
2,267
113
Season 4 Man GIF by Sony Pictures Television
 
NWADog

NWADog

Sophomore
Aug 16, 2014
724
193
43
I have paid too much money to photographers for “seasonal photo shoots”

I have gotten in my vehicle to go to work with my gas on E unexpectedly
 
HailStout

HailStout

Heisman
Jan 4, 2020
4,048
10,891
113
Dawgbite said:
I slept with a woman last night that was wearing a see-through nightgown. It wasn’t lace or sheer, it was a 25 year old t shirt that was so thin and full of holes you can read the Lord’s Prayer through it.
Click to expand...
You might as well do some scripture reading, once she has slipped into that nighttime attire, your chances of doing much of anything else have gone to zero
 
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A

Awwhellnaw

Senior
Jun 29, 2017
813
429
58
The classic food fight…
Her: What do you want for dinner?
Me: I don’t care. Whatever you want. I might just eat leftovers.
Her: Ugh.. I don’t want leftovers.
Me: Ok. How about _________?
Her: No. I just had that two days ago.
Me: How about ________?
Her: Ugh. I’m not in the mood for that.
Me: Just shoot me.
 
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Dawgbite

Dawgbite

All-American
Nov 1, 2011
7,660
7,267
113
Awwhellnaw said:
The classic food fight…
Her: What do you want for dinner?
Me: I don’t care. Whatever you want. I might just eat leftovers.
Her: Ugh.. I don’t want leftovers.
Me: Ok. How about _________?
Her: No. I just had that two days ago.
Me: How about ________?
Her: Ugh. I’m not in the mood for that.
Me: Just shoot me.
Click to expand...
Kinda like choosing a restaurant.
 
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P

Podgy

All-Conference
Oct 1, 2022
3,187
3,607
113
"Emily (not her real name) told me you picked her up five minutes late from school today . That's not the first time you've been late this month but today was different. She said she was cold because she didn't have a coat. When you bring her to school, you're supposed to make sure she's dressed properly. Didn't you check the weather before bringing her? I'm only saying this because you did the same thing last year and she was cold and that might have been why she missed a couple of days of school. You're the dad. You have to be responsible, not her. You know she gets cold easily and I want you to remember to check the weather before bringing her to school. We don't need her to miss school and get behind because it's hard to catch up. If you leave her out in the cold because you're late to pick her up she might catch a cold and be out for a few days. I don't want her to miss school so can you please be on time on your day to pick her up and make sure she goes to school with a coat and maybe a hat. I'm only saying that because you need to be reminded to not be late. She's your daughter and you're a good dad and I know you love her but sometimes you need to be reminded about some things. Maybe set the timer on your phone so you won't forget. Because when you forget, like today, you sometimes leave her out in the cold without a coat.... Have you seen my keys?"
 
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M

militarydog

Senior
Nov 9, 2012
621
449
62
SteelCurtain74 said:
1) I just expect to get gas first on any trip, no matter the distance, when I have to take her vehicle.

2) I end up picking where we go to eat after asking her where she would like to go a hundred times and still somehow always pick the wrong place.
Click to expand...
Is this the conversation?
Me: Where do you want to eat?
Her: I don’t care. Anywhere is good with me.
Me: Great. Let’s eat Mexican.
Her: No. I had Mexican a couple of days ago.
Me: Okay. Let’s do Zaxbys.
Her: I just don’t feel like chicken.
Me: Earlier you said anywhere is good.
Her: I didn’t think you would pick those. Anywhere else is good.
Me: Okay. Let’s get a hamburger.
Her: We always get hamburgers.
Me: Screw it. You pick a place or we are getting a hamburger.
Her: Why are you yelling at me? I just don’t want a hamburger. Anywhere else is fine.
 
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BulldogBlitz

BulldogBlitz

Heisman
Dec 11, 2008
14,288
15,806
113
I will say...and have said to my wife....im very lucky. It just took a do-over. The first wife was psycho...."if I die would you remarry" "why do I have to do everything " (keep in mind I cooked then too, she only had to put dishes in dishwasher).

My wife now, yes...the only thing I can think of is the demand to have dirty laundry sorted so it just gets picked up and dumped in the machine.
 
Wesson Bulldog

Wesson Bulldog

All-Conference
Nov 3, 2015
1,250
1,506
113
Our 5 kids are all grown. We have a 4 bedroom house with walk in closets in all rooms. . We both have walk in closets in the master. I built closet shelves in the office 12 years ago as a valentines day present. I utilize half of my closet for all my clothes, shoes, hats, etc. Every other one in the house is filled with her clothes, 1000 pairs of shoes, 65 jackets and coats, etc. Myvside of the bathroom is neat and tidy with little on the counter top. Her side is completely covered in make up, perfume, creams, lotions, makeup bags, etc. And her 'outfits for the week' are hanging on any kind of hook or bar all over the bathroom. And we average 3 Amazon packages a day. Yes I feel your pain!
 
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S

SteelCurtain74

All-Conference
Oct 28, 2019
1,820
2,522
113
thatsbaseball said:
"Why are you yelling at me? I just don’t want a hamburger. Anywhere else is fine."

........ followed immediately by pouting and silence
Click to expand...
I pray for pouting and silence. Unfortunately I get anything but however to combat this I now ask in advance if there is anything she doesn't want. At least then I have a fighting chance to pick something she can tolerate. It works about 25% of the time.
 
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thatsbaseball

thatsbaseball

All-American
May 29, 2007
17,459
5,757
113
her : Wipe that counter top where you made your sandwich
me: aight
her: we need to paint this kitchen
me: (silently) WTF
 
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WilCoDawg

WilCoDawg

All-Conference
Sep 6, 2012
5,264
3,653
113
T-TownDawgg said:
I designed our bathroom with a 12x12 walk-in closet, a 10-foot long double vanity, and I have to rake stuff aside just to brush my teeth.

Next house will have two(2) master bathrooms or no dice.
Click to expand...
Rookie mistake you have to have TWO vanities so that doesn’t happen. Then again, my vanity is the one everyone ends up going to and thus leaving whatever item they used on.
 
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IBleedMaroonDawg

IBleedMaroonDawg

All-American
Nov 12, 2007
24,814
9,084
113
Podgy said:
"Emily (not her real name) told you me you picked her up five minutes late from school today . That's not the first time you've been late this month but today was different. She said she was cold because she didn't have a coat. When you bring her to school, you're supposed to make sure she's dressed properly. Didn't you check the weather before bringing her? I'm only saying this because you did the same thing last year and she was cold and that might have been why she missed a couple of days of school. You're the dad. You have to be responsible, not her. You know she gets cold easily and I want you to remember to check the weather before bringing her to school. We don't need her to miss school and get behind because it's hard to catch up. If you leave her out in the cold because you're late to pick her up she might catch a cold and be out for a few days. I don't want her to miss school so can you please be on time on your day to pick her up and make sure she goes to school with a coat and maybe a hat. I'm only saying that because you need to be reminded to not be late. She's your daughter and you're a good dad and I know you love her but sometimes you need to be reminded about some things. Maybe set the timer on your phone so you won't forget. Because when you forget, like today, you sometimes leave her out in the cold without a coat.... Have you seen my keys?"
Click to expand...

I always wondered what happened to my first wife.
 
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