Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
Lets see how long this one lasts.
Inaccurate. Dummy DT was wearing eye protection.
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
A new blonde funeral home director opens up shop and her first customer, a widow, arrives for final arrangements and to see her husband prepared for the viewing. He's laid out nicely in a black suit and tie and looks peaceful in the coffin. The widow tells the blonde funeral home director, "My husband looks good, except I think he looks best in a blue suit instead of black. Can you make the change before the viewing tonight?" The blonde funeral home director says, "I''ll try my best".
That evening the widow arrives early and quickly inspects her husband in the casket, where he is adorned in a beautiful blue suit. Very pleased, she thanks the blonde funeral home director and offers to pay extra for the effort of getting him in a blue suit. The blonde funeral home director politely refuses the extra money, saying, "It became very easy to fulfill your request. After you left this morning I just happened to have another widow show up at the funeral home with her deceased husband dressed in a blue suit. So I simply swapped out the heads."
That evening the widow arrives early and quickly inspects her husband in the casket, where he is adorned in a beautiful blue suit. Very pleased, she thanks the blonde funeral home director and offers to pay extra for the effort of getting him in a blue suit. The blonde funeral home director politely refuses the extra money, saying, "It became very easy to fulfill your request. After you left this morning I just happened to have another widow show up at the funeral home with her deceased husband dressed in a blue suit. So I simply swapped out the heads."
True story, but I thought it was funny.
My youngest cousin and his wife have two kids - a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I recently attended the birthday party for the 2 year old, and her mom was talking to the other women in the family about the childbirth process. So, she had a Cesarian Section.
The four year old was nearby and said matter of factly "Yeah, my mom needed to have a Caesar Salad Selection before she could have my sister".
So, now salads will never be the same for any of us.
My youngest cousin and his wife have two kids - a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I recently attended the birthday party for the 2 year old, and her mom was talking to the other women in the family about the childbirth process. So, she had a Cesarian Section.
The four year old was nearby and said matter of factly "Yeah, my mom needed to have a Caesar Salad Selection before she could have my sister".
So, now salads will never be the same for any of us.
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Working my way through PSU, I did summers as a State Park Officer at one of Pennsylvania's state parks. The boat launch on a weekend was absolutely no end of frivolity, including one guy once sinking his truck, boat and trailer in 45 feet of water.
If I ever meet you, just for laughs I'm going to kick you in the nuts and fart as I'm doing it. It will be hilarious.
Other people getting hit in the groin is funny, not so much when it happens to me.If I ever meet you, just for laughs I'm going to kick you in the nuts and fart as I'm doing it. It will be hilarious.
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