Is there a running thread for funny jokes or memes?
- Thread starter Got GSPs
- Start date
My wife and I like to smoke after sex. I haven't had a cigarette in two years. My wife is up to two packs a day.
An elderly couple moves slowly from the counter at the fast food restaurant to a booth to have their meal. The gentleman takes out one burger, one order or fries and has one drink in the middle of the table.
With his pocket knife he cuts the sandwich in half, then proceeds to separate the fries evenly between the two of them.
Being concerned that they had to share one sandwich and fries, I approached them and offered to buy them another meal.
“No, we are fine. We share everything,” said the old man.
He continues eating his sandwich and sipping the one drink.
Again, I ask if I could please buy a second meal.
Again, I’m told “no thank you. We are happy to share everything”
I turn to the old woman and ask why she isn’t eating her portion of the meal.
“I’m waiting on the teeth.”
With his pocket knife he cuts the sandwich in half, then proceeds to separate the fries evenly between the two of them.
Being concerned that they had to share one sandwich and fries, I approached them and offered to buy them another meal.
“No, we are fine. We share everything,” said the old man.
He continues eating his sandwich and sipping the one drink.
Again, I ask if I could please buy a second meal.
Again, I’m told “no thank you. We are happy to share everything”
I turn to the old woman and ask why she isn’t eating her portion of the meal.
“I’m waiting on the teeth.”
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See they're doing a movie with all the old action movie heroes playing famous composers?
Stallone said "I'll be Beethoven"
Willis said "I'll be Mozart"
Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
Stallone said "I'll be Beethoven"
Willis said "I'll be Mozart"
Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
Reminds me of one a former coworker who was ex Air Force told me....
What does "secure a building" mean to the different branches of the service?
The Navy locks the doors and leaves.
The Army sends an infantry squad
The Marines send a full platoon with heavy weapons.
The Air Force takes out a 2 year lease and puts in a bar.
Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!’
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times.
Determined to prove them wrong, he did it.
Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87-years-old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high-fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'
Didn't check to see if this had been posted earlier, but nonetheless.....
As much as I love that scene, this one is even better. It's from the episode where they went on strike and were talking about the various jobs they were doing to make ends meet.
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